and baby makes 3....

Sorry for my lack of posting.... i was just reading my last post and realized that 2 days later i ended up having my baby.

After everything we had been through to even get pregnant, and then all the complications through out the pregnancy - you can imagine that labor and delivery were a little bit scary for me. I was nervous about the pain, bleeding to death, needing a c-section, and becoming pearlized from the epidural (if i needed one)...i realize that some of these things would not happen, but after all i went through, i figured something would happen.

I went to my dr's apt that thursday and my fluid was low, baby was measuring ahead still by about 1.5wks, maybe weighed about 8.5lbs and the awesome swelling in my feet that had now made my calves blow up that they barely fit into my pants was becoming a little concerning, although my BP was okay. Well, Dr came in and said, it's time. We were suppose to go the next morning but the hospital was short staffed, after checking on baby that friday, saturday morning it was.
I started to have some contractions friday night, but nothing really happened... i also drank Castor oil - which by the way did NOTHING! I was told that if your body is ready, you'll go into labor, if it's not...well, it'll clean ya out. Well, the oil (which i mixed with juice) actually wasn't too bad and it did NOTHING...so maybe my body was kinda ready. ;)

Anyways, i was 4cm and like 75%effaced --they broke my water and let me labor on my own for an hour, but they didn't want me to labor all day like this, so pitocin was started. I was nervous about the contractions from the pitocin, as i was told they are pretty intense...but it was fine. After about 2 hrs of contractions, i started to ask about the epidural, not that i couldn't handle the pain at this point, it was just more annoying and i didn't want to be in intense pain when i got the epidural...so they checked me and unfort. i was only at a 5/5.5cm...i cried. I was sooooo disappointed that i was barely making progress....so i said, whatever, give me the epidural. Epidural was added, and it was SO not at all as horrible as i had imagined in my head..... unfort...it didnt work right. I felt all the contractions on the right side and every time baby hit my bones, i felt it and it was HORRIBLE. I got another epidural when i was 7cm and THANKFULLY it worked this time. Once that worked, we started to settle in, they told us to get some sleep---ahaha..about 30mins later, i was 9.5cm and having that urge to push. They let me do this for awhile and then it was time to push for real. I was exhausted.....I pushed for about 1.5hrs if that... they got the mirror for me so i could see the pushes that worked and the ones that were not. I saw her head of dark hair and i just wanted her to come out already so i could be done pushing. That last hour of pushing was by far the hardest thing ever.....it was like THE WORST workout that would not end. Although i had the epidural, i could still feel things, it just wasn't that unbearable pain...i still totally felt the 'ring of fire' they talk about. Anyways, baby ended up getting a wee bit stuck in my pelvis, so pushing was hard and seemed like it took f.o.r.e.v.e.r. She finally came out and then her chest got stuck...needless to say, she was big time purple and was not breathing. I remember saying 'why isn't she breathing? Make her cry, why isn't she crying?' And then what seemed like an eternity, i heard two little squeaks out of her and i think i finally breathed. She was hooked up to oxygen and i was stitched up - i had a slight 2nd degree tear and then it was placenta time.... only my placenta didn't want to come. There was talk of surgery or manually detaching the placenta...so while Dr was elbow deep detaching my placenta, i was losing a lot of blood and i just know there was ciaos... i had to be watched for 2 hrs and signed some sheet about surgery, if i needed it. I told hubby to call my parents and have them come in case i needed surgery i'd want someone to stay with me and someone to stay with the baby. Luckily, i didn't need surgery and we were ready to begin recovery.

Baby ended up having complications from my diabetes and her sugars were super low, so low she was admitted into the nicu, she was also dehydrated and jaundice. She stayed for a week in the nicu and let me tell ya -- leaving her in that hospital was the hardest thing ever.....it was horrible.

All is well now- baby is doing good, she'll be 2 months tomorrow and is just amazing. She's such a great baby...i love her sooo very much. I've recovered and am ready for the next one.....lol.

So, here she is ..... introducing my beautiful miracle of a daughter..

Olivia Evelyn Teodora-- July 16th 9lbs 10oz, 20in

SO DONE!

yup, i'm THAT pregnant person - i'm so done. I have loved every moment of being pregnant, and i still LOVE being pregnant, but ..... i want to meet my daughter already, i want to play with her lil' piggy toes and fingers and just look at her.... I'm sooo ready to meet her. And i'm done with the swelling feet and the numb right fingers and the sore hands in the morning where i feel like i'm an 80yr old with arthritis. I want my body back... I told DH today that i'd love to stay pregnant, if i could be skinny and have ankles. :) I'm also done with taking my sugars every day, 4X's a day... i'm tired.....and the tiredness is only going to get worse....ugh.

Dr apt tomorrow, so we'll see if things are still changing..... this past weekend was pretty rough, i kinda thought i was going to be having her, but alas, she was not ready. Anytime she wants to come would be nice....i'm hoping that i'm still dilating and effaced even more......i'll be so disappointed if i'm still just 1cm and 50% effaced....

Come on TreeHugger, we're starting to get impatient.......

:(

I can't believe that June is 1 day away from being over. It FLEW on by. I also can't believe i'm that much closer to holding my baby girl. There's a part of me that is terrified and another part that knows it will all be okay.

As June comes to an end, i can't help but feel kinda sad every time TreeHugger kicks me or moves around that i won't be feeling that much longer. It truly is the most amazing feeling -- i wish EVERYONE could experience that feeling. There's nothing more short of a miracle then to have life inside you- i mean, when you really think about it, it's just truly is amazing. How is that not proof enough that there is something greater then us.....

I have loved every moment of pregnancy - even when things seemed to be stacked high against TreeHugger, she has fought so hard and i pray and hope that she is healthy and i know that she will be such a fighter in the real world, i just hope she's a cuddlier too. I know that she will be capable of overcoming whatever life throws at her and i pray that life is kind to her. I can't wait to see what things of mine she has, what what things of hubby she takes on. Will she have my dimples and crazy hair, will she be sensitive and a nature lover? Will she have her daddy's smile and brown eyes, will she be curious and like to be active? Will she be a teacher or a sales rep or a traveler...

I can't wait to hear her voice and watch her grow into someone amazing.....no matter the path that life takes her on.

Anyways, i'm really cherishing these last few weeks with her inside me - i'm really going to miss being pregnant and no matter what happens in the future, i am so thankful and grateful that i have had the opportunity to carry a child.

35wks!!

Well, the countdown is on. I started my weekly NST and biopyshcials this week. I actually went in on Tuesday for a NST - apparently 2 things NEVER to say to the nurse answering the phone - numbness in finger and pain on the left side of stomach. I was just calling to verify that these things were normal and that i would see the Dr on Thursday to discuss. Well, they ended up saying i needed to come in..which then i started to think, OMG, something MUST be wrong with the baby. Well, due to the BP issues, they had to bring me in as a precaution and since i mentioned the numbness in my fingers (due to swelling) and the pain on my side (could have been kidney) they needed to see me. So, baby is fine, all is well and my BP is just fine as well. Swelling is normal (i wasn't concerned) and then the nurse proceeded to tell me that she gained like 60lbs of water weight and had pre-e and all is well....all the while, i'm sitting there going, why are all these nurses and Dr's focusing on my swelling and pre-e and blood pressure....and then i started to put the pieces together.... i did mention that i org. called just to make sure that it was all normal and that i org. wasn't worried until they rushed me here and hooked me to a machine...lol.

So, my NST yesterday went much smoother.....baby is doing well. Got to see TreeHugger on the ultrasound and she's doing VERY well - she's est. to weigh about 6.5lbs!!! And she's still a SHE!! She's measuring ahead - about 1wk and some days. Dr said i should expect her around 38-39wks....that's only 3-4wks away!!

I also no longer have to check in with the diabetes dr - still have to check my sugars, but he said i did really well. :) YEah!!! I will go back in October though to discuss my thyroid and see what the next step with that is, but for now, i'm forgetting about it. :)

i got a melon in my bell-ah

Yup, i have a watermelon in there...according to my ticker.

So, i had another great Dr. appointment earlier this week, BP's are still looking good and he thought my sugars were doing well too. Hope it keeps up... i have noticed that some foods that i was eating before are now starting to screw with my sugars, so...it's like learning everything over again, but i know i'll figure it out.

Because i am a high risk pregnancy - i will begin NST's and biophysicals next week and will have them every week until I give birth. The NST - non stress test- is where i go in, they put a monitor on my belly and monitor baby's heart rate, they are looking for 2 spikes in the heart rate when she moves or something like that. It will also see if i'm having contractions and obviously making sure TreeHugger is not stressed. Then i go to get a ultrasound and here they will be making sure she is breathing, having normal reflexes and that her lungs, heart, etc are looking good too, as well as checking on the amniotic fluid (making sure there's enough in there). So here's to rounding out the last leg of my pregnancy.....

not cool....

Dear TreeHugger-
Mommy would appreciate it if you would please kick her, or move around enough for mommy to feel those movements every few hours. When you are bouncing around like a monkey in your little house for 3 days straight and not sleeping and then decide that you've had enough and will sleep all day and night, you make mommy worry, which then makes daddy worry. I would also like it if you would please respond to juice, cold water and mommy laying on her left side and move around like all the books say you should do. Waiting until mommy had some juice, ice cold water, laying on her left side, pulling out the heart doppler to at least know you had a heartbeat still and then drive to work worried and then have 2 gulps of Dr.Pepper and watermelon to get you moving is not cool - Perhaps you shouldn't party all day and night... just saying.
Loving you always -
mommy

nesting

Well, i think i very well might be nesting. I have officially washed,folded or hung all of her clothes for the 1st year of life...lol. I packed up older clothes in a bin since i have no room left over after filling up the dresser and closet with her clothes..... i set up the bathroom, i cleaned out our linen closets again and rearranged them. I even washed the walls in the house.... i cleaned and put away some spoons and bowls and got the pantry rearranged. TreeHugger still can't come for about 4 wks though, i need and want her to make it through the 4th of July...anytime after that will be fine. :)

TreeHugger also has learned a new trick - using mommy's ribs as monkey bars... not sure how i feel about this one yet... on one hand it hurts a little but on the other hand i think it's kinda neat.

well, we're officially half way through June and time is starting to fly by....it's pretty crazy.... I mean, this is the last June i have without child.... :)

heat

and pregnancy don't mix.
I have had a very nice pregnancy - minus the few bumps in the road, but overall i can say it's been nice. Well, then summer came. We didn't really have 'spring'...it was like 2 months of wet, coldness and then BAM 100 degree weather. My feet would sometimes swell just a tiny bit, nothing noticeable to strangers, but i would notice, usually on a hotter day and after work. Well, this past week has been hotter then hot and my feet are like little sausages, or loaves of bread...whatever...lol Last night they were SOOO swollen it hurt, i just wanted to cut off my feet.... i HATE the feeling. I have been drinking so much freakn' water to try to get the swelling to go away, i eat watermelon, i put my feet up as much as i can and they were still soooo swollen, i even wrapped them up with a cold washcloth. At least i know when i go to bed, the swelling goes away (i have my feet elevated when i sleep - but i've done that since i was on bed rest so i wouldn't get blood clots)
I just ate the feeling and i hate the way it looks....i want my cute lil' feet back. I also think my feet are getting longer and wider. I usually am a size 8.5/9 --well, i have these size 9 shoes that my heel and toes are about to bust out of and i swear they are not wide enough.....so today i am going to look for some bigger cheap shoes to get me through the next few weeks....

TreeHugger is getting bigger - i can feel the difference. She moves around now A LOT, i love the feeling and know i'm going to really miss it. Now my tummy will be lopsided cuz she's hanging out on one side, so i give her a little push and she usually slides back to the middle...lol. Today it felt like she was using my ribs as monkey bars.....it was the strangest feeling and it did not tickle...lol.
She's gotten some hiccups the last few weeks, they are a weird feeling and honestly, a little annoying. I always thought it was weird when friends would say that hiccups were a little annoying and now i understand why....it's just this constant thud...it's like someone poking you over and over and over and over and over again. Yeah, i'll probably miss feeling her hiccups too. :)

We had our very last shower the past weekend.....it's kinda bittersweet, it's our last baby shower ever....i mean, i look back at when i even started this blog and how far we've come....i never thought i'd get here...i thought my dreams for being a mom to my biological children were over...and now we have lil' TreeHugger.... i can't wait to see who she's going to take after and what things of mine she'll have.

seriously.....

I think i have heard the cancer word too many times in the last month.... 1st it was about my thyroid and ruling out cancer.... now the cancer word got thrown around with my dog. :( She's had this bump on her snout for about 1.5-2months now. At first we thought it was a bee sting or spider bite, so we watched it, seemed to be going away and then it'd get bigger again. We thought maybe she bumped her face on the wall or dresser(her bed is next to a dresser) so we watched it, but it was not going away....so we took her to the vet....of course cancer/tumor was in the back of my mind....she is a Katrina Hurricane rescue and i have NO idea what chemicals and hazardous materials she was exposed to back then.....but anyways, so the Dr. said it's either an abessesed tooth OR it could be a tumor or bone cancer.... he thinks that if it were to be bone cancer that she'd be dead by now. But it could still be a cancerous tumor..... We're going to treat with antibodics first for 10 days and if it doesn't go down, then we'll get a x-ray and then we'll take it from there...it they still aren't sure off the x-ray then we'd take her to a speicalist who'd take a biopsy of the bone to rule out cancer. we're hoping obviously that it's just an absess and eventually we'll probably have to take the tooth out. He did mention that it's not the normal tooth that would normally be abessesed...so who knows.

Ya know if it's not me or the baby, it's the dog....i have heard the word cancer way to much this month and it'd be nice if that word would just go away.

she's here!!

My sister had a beautiful little baby girl..... Seriously, most babies are just so cute and adorable...... my niece is beautiful, although not surprised, considering who her mother is....but this baby has like the most perfect skin i have ever seen a newborn have..... she's adorable and i'm happy that TreeHugger will have a little girl close to her and i hope they are BFF's and are close.

Evelyn Mary was born Tuesday weighing in at 8lbs and 21 inches long at 9:26pm.

waiting....

for my niece or nephew..... my sister is currently in labor, she was induced this morning and her water was broken shortly after.....she's got contractions 3-4 mins apart, but isn't feeling them yet.....and only dilated to 2cm.

thump...thump...

well, i think i just felt TreeHugger have hiccups for the 1st time. It was a consistent thump, almost like inside of me....it didn't last very long, maybe 3-5mins. It was a weird feeling, but kinda cool. I was wondering if i would ever feel her hiccup....and now i'm pretty sure i did.

I can't believe May is just about over.....and soon we'll be into June. I really love being pregnant. I know sometimes, pregnancy just isn't for everyone, but it's def. something for me. It's been a rough road sometimes, but through everything I have LOVED being pregnant. Knowing i have life growing inside me is just such a miracle and it's just amazing.

random thoughts

--just wanna say that the frozen strawberry lemonade drink sounds SOOO yummy. I can't have it though......maybe i'll get DH to buy one and i'll have a sip of it.

--my feet started to swell a little tonight....i have them propped up and it seems to be helping to bring the swelling back down....no more walks in flip flops for me

--strawberries are my new favorite food EVER!!

--i love when TreeHugger is moving all around and my stomach moves all crazy - it always makes me laugh

--i love the crib, i started to cry looking at it and realizing that i will finally have a little baby to put in there, something that almost didn't seem possible 2 years ago.

--The room is looking good, and pretty much set, now the organizing begins

--I just read that to get your dog used to the pace you want to walk at with the stroller is to take the stroller out and practice with your dog... i think about doing that, but then i think about how silly i'll look.

--I'm still debating if i want to get maternity photos or not.

--I wish i had a little window into the womb, so i can look at TreeHugger and see what she's doing in there

pokey, pokey....

So, i survived the biopsy. Not nearly as traumatic as i thought it was going to be. I do have to say though that nurses can make a HUGE difference in how the experience will be. We had a male nurse and i gotta say he was AMAZING!! He was so laid back and calm about everything and honestly i felt like hubby and i were like 15yr olds...lol....but in a good way. So, i went back, got cleaned up, and the Dr came in and did their thing. The numbing needle was the one that hurt probably the most, but nothing like getting blood drawn...it barely hurt and then i couldn't feel anything. They took three samples....and now i wait til Friday.

I'm a little nervous now though, they were talking about how nodule thingy was hard and the Dr mentioned something about abnormal and a little cyst, but then when he went to try to drain the cyst it wasn't draining, so it wasn't a cyst and had old blood in it and then the pathologist asked if there was some concern about what it was and the Dr went ehhhhh and moved his hand back and forth like kinda. GREAT.... I'm trying not to think about it and will just wait til they get the results. Stressing and worrying isn't going to change anything and no matter what it is, we'll get through this too....having a growing baby in my womb just kinda complicates things a little. ;) I know that she'll be okay, she was moving around the whole time, reminding me that she's a fighter, so her mom should be too. :)

Oh and we asked the ultrasound tech if she could just ya know, scan my tummy really quick to which she gave attitude and was like 'uh no, i don't have an order for that.' Oh well....we tried. But, seriously, come on.....i think if she were more 'seasoned' she would have done it quickly....oh well.

So, my neck is a little sore now that things have worn off, it looks like i have a bad fake tan on part of my neck...lol. Hopefully it'll come off by Monday. It feels like i pulled a muscle in my neck.... Well, off to help hubby put the crib together.... :)

scared..

So, i had a follow up appointment - no insulin needed at this time, i go back in 3 weeks to see if i can get more of the numbers lower...

Then we discussed my thyroid and the big C was mentioned. I have a rather large nodule on the right side, and two small ones on the left...so now i have to do a biopsy of the one on the right and if it is cancerous, then we wait til i have the baby and i will get it removed. If it's not cancerous, then we monitor and i'll probably get it removed eventually, since it could turn into cancer.

I will now go crawl into a hole....

jumpn' beans....

So, yesterday i was at a friends house to help celebrate her birthday and they have a dog. So this dog was all over the place, crazy and then it started to bark.... well, TreeHugger was moving around earlier and then was pretty quiet..but when the dog barked she totally jumped!! It was so weird....and cool at the same time... I could just picture her in there hanging out in her fluid, playing with the umbilical cord and just lounging around when she hears this high pitch bark.... and she's like.....wah, WTF was that?!?!?! LOL. I wonder since our dog doesn't bark, if she'll be afraid of dogs that do bark....since she won't be used to the noise...kwim?

She was pretty quiet this weekend, which of course got me a little worried, especially on Saturday, since i hardly felt her moving around at all, but i was busy and cleaning and moving this around....luckily, all night while i was trying to sleep, she let me know that she was just fine in her little home, my dreams even had her moving around....on Sunday, she went back to her normal scheduled activities in the womb. ;)

Still trying to get my sugars to where they should be at.... after breakfast is the hardest one, i don't think i've had a number yet that was below 120. They're usually 121, 124, or a little higher....lunch and dinner seem to be okay....and i really do notice when i'm more active my numbers are lower...which is good....so i'm really trying to squeeze in activity anywhere and way i can.....

I took a nice 15 min walk after lunch today, but man, did it wipe me out, i need a nap. Pregnancy is really starting to kick my butt...i feel so tired and exhausted the last 2 weeks....i can't even imagine what it's going to be like towards the very end and on top of that --when baby comes and i have no sleep.......

....wishing i had a double right about now...

thoughts

So, i've had a lot of thoughts these last few days....random thoughts and mostly about the health of my daughter.

I try to stay off google to get information, especially about pregnancy things, since there's a lot of info out there and some of it is wrong and scary.
I read up a little about thyroid things, since i know nothing about it. Turns out if you're thyroid is wack, especially during 1st trimester, baby can have cong and development disabilities. Oh and GD can cause speech impairment.... I'm so so so so worried and i know no matter what, we will love our baby - and i'm sure every mother wants the best for her child and wants them to be healthy...

I was thinking the other day just about all that our baby has gone through.... i mean, just getting to the point of being able to be viable and going through a blood clot and the stress with that, and continuing to grow strong despite all the stress....making it through blood pressure issues and now diabetes and thyroid stuff.... i mean, it just floors me that even in pregnancy, in the womb, she's still had to be a fighter. I just hope that the world is kind to her, and that she doesn't have to fight so hard out in the 'real world'.....that if she does have disabilities that the world isn't cruel......

While i had these worries yesterday as i was driving home, i saw a sign - the sign i get that lets me know that things are going to be okay. My sign are deer. The last time i saw deer, was shortly after i was in the ER with the bleeding and i was thinking about baby and all of a sudden a deer was just there, and i knew that everything would be okay. Prior to that, i saw some deer the morning of my BETA test, and one looked up and i swear it was like it saw me and just watched me drive by and i got chills and i just knew at that moment that the FET worked and i was pregnant. So i know everything will be okay - no matter what. Everything will be okay.

showers of food and Dr's

Had our first baby shower - it was fun..... We ended up getting a lot of great things - our stroller/car seat combo, bathtub, highchair, bouncer.....and other great things. Having some baby items around the house sure is making this very real....... when i was opening up some gifts i just started to think about how far we have come and i still am amazed that i am here, pregnant. That in a few short months we will have an amazing lil' girl here in our arms. The room is starting to come together as well - my dad came and installed the ceiling fan and now hubby just needs to get the crib together and then i can get the bookcase in there and the glider......


So i met with a nutritionist intake person on friday and i feel much better about what i'm doing. I do carbs by a point system, so like a banana is 2pts....and i need 2pts of carbs at breakfast and snacks. So for example, i usually now eat a piece of toast, which is 1pt with some PB on it (PB is free food)and then veggies or a hard boiled egg (which are free) and then a glass of milk, which is another point, so that's 2pts of Carbs. It's not horrible, but it's hard to eat carbs when i feel like it's making TreeHugger work harder...but i suppose that's just when my sugars are high is when she has to work hard. So far they've been pretty good. I do notice they are higher if i eat cereal, so i try not to eat that in the morning anymore.

This week has been pretty go go go, between doctors and appointments and finding out all this stuff that's going on.....then had 1 shower on saturday and then Easter on Sunday..... i think pregnancy is just catching up to me and i'm exhausted and run down. I started to not feel good yesterday late afternoon - it was like i felt kinda shaky or that i might pass out, my sugars were fine, so i knew it wasn't that, but i didn't like the feeling and it took awhile to shake it.... i ended up going to bed early, cuz my body was just DONE. I had a horrible time sleeping last night, got up every 2hrs starting at 930pm to pee....and on top of that, my feet swelled for the 1st time.... :( I'm thinking it was all the standing and walking around i did the last 3 days. I did take today off of work cuz i just wasn't feeling good.

I have my ultrasound for my thyroid tomorrow morning, i guess it can all be connected to the blood pressure issues i was having and the diabetes....so i was going to put it off a little, wanted to kinda deal with one thing at a time, but after my feet swelled a little yesterday, i decided that i won't wait and that my sugars are doing well and now lets get the thyroid checked out cuz maybe that will help prevent pre-e. UGH.

There's just so much going on with all the differrent doctors.....i don't even want to begin to see the bills when they start rolling in....

a new day....

with a new attitude.... well, kinda. lol. I am feeling much better or at least a little bit more at peace with everything. I finally talked to the Dr late yesterday night and she made me feel much better about things. She mentioned the things that i read up on --the big baby, getting stuck in the birth canal, still birth-- those risks should be low to me, those are for the women who have diabetes prior to pregnancy and also don't monitor their diabetes. She also mentioned that IVF/fertility patients tend to have a greater risk at developing GD. And, although some risks that are very real to me, like a c-section or pre-e (hopefully my blood pressure continues to behave) .....we're pretty sure we can handle this with diet. I will be monitored much more and so will the baby. At this point, every week in the womb is another week baby is stronger.

I see a specialist tomorrow who will teach me how track my blood sugar levels....hmmm, i wonder if i'm going to pass out poking my fingers..... i'm sure i'll cry at least with the 1st poke....and i may need to play some music again....ya know, hit me with your best shot.....it worked with the IVF needles, i'm sure it'll do it's job with these pokes too.

I know, you'd think by now i'd be a pro at needles, but lately the last few pokes the nurses have like torn apart my veins....when i did the 3hr, the 1st nurse couldn't get the blood to flow into the tube and was VERY descriptive in what was going on that i was like, seriously please stop going into detail, i'm going to pass out.....to which then i started to feel like i was going to pass out, which i ended up then crying cuz i hate the feeling of getting ready to pass out and the nurse is like, oh, are you sure you want to do this today..... YES, i'm sure i want to do this.....just STOP going into freakn' detail about what you're doing.....i'd much rather cry then pass out on you... So then on the 3rd blood draw, i had a different nurse, who rocked it until Miss I-go-into-details comes by and is like 'did you get it in their okay, her veins kinda turn' SERIOUSLY....again, with the details i don't need to imagine in my head...STOP! Then with the last poke, this other nurse just jabbed the needle in there and it seriously hurt so bad, it felt like she just poked right through my arm along with my vein....so then i started crying again, cuz at this point, i was tired, i was tired of being poked in the same spot and i didn't feel good...and now this nurse just tore right into my arm....and i'm like omg, that hurt and she's actually said, 'well, at least it's your last blood draw today.' SERIOUSLY!?!?!??! Can i please have the other nurse who was nice to me and didn't cause me any pain. Sorry, i'm a baby when it comes to needles, you don't have to be mean about it. geeez.

So, i'm just anxious to get started and monitor things.... i do have to say though i'm very disappointed that my banana that i have EVERY morning has like 19g of carbs!!!! Yeah, we'll hopefully be able to work that out....i love bananas!

party for one...

This is a pity me post...if you don't want to hear it, don't read it.

I don't have pity parties for me when it comes to my pregnancy, because really, i truly know what a blessing we've been given....and i did pray many nights to the big man upstairs that i would do anything, i would take on all the pregnancy related issues and take them in stride....if that meant i was pregnant, then by all means, bring it.

Well, today i am not taking it very well in stride...i don't feel like saying BRING IT.... yes, i failed my 3hr glucose test as well and now i have gestational diabetes. No, i'm not surprised with this, as i started this pregnancy over weight and my dad's side of the family is pretty much all diabetic, how it missed him and his siblings, who knows. I have always felt i have had some sort of insulin resistance, i have been asked in the last year when i've had to give my numerous blood donations to the Dr's about my blood sugar levels....to which i would tell them again, that there is a huge family history of diabetes and if we need to recheck, to which they say no.

I do not want this....

It kills me the most that this is something that is effecting our baby. Her body has to work over time cuz my body isn't working hard enough. I am still waiting to hear from the Dr about what the next steps are - which i assume will be meeting with a nutritionist so we can maintain this through a low carb diet...... I also read up on it and honestly, i'm a little scared...this can bring on pre-e (which i didn't think i had to worry so much about since my BP meds are working wonders and my BP has been awesome) and a bigger baby, which in turn can cause quite the tear, or they can get stuck in the birth canal and they can have nerve damage or a dislocated shoulder or die or i can have a stillborn or the baby can be diabetic or hypoglycemic or can have birth defects or ...... It sounds like most are in severe cases....i'm hoping i'm low, very, very low.

Ugh, it's just one more freakn' thing.... i mean --seriously, i think we've been through enough...... I am so scared of so much.... i just want to know that TreeHugger is safe and growing fine and living the life in her little bubble... I feel like i'm failing as a mom already, i can't even do pregnancy right, how the hell am i going to do motherhood right? How am i going to keep her safe out there in the crazy scary world, when i can't keep her safe in my womb?

I know that everything will be fine, every bump in the road we've hit, we've come through, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating or me any less sad. And i will do whatever it takes to keep TreeHugger healthy....

F...

F is for frustrated.
F is for fan-freakn-tastic.
F is for FAILED.

Yes, i failed my 1hr test. I should not be surprised by this information, but alas, i am sad that i failed. I actually think i'm more saddened that i failed a test....i don't fail things...LOL.

So, now i go monday for my 3hr test and i better pass it.

another test....

So tomorrow is the big GD test. I think i will do okay with my 1hr glucose test, but there's a piece of me that is totally nervous about tomorrow. I have gotten to become anxious before dr appointments because it seems like for awhile every time i went to the Dr's....something went wrong or there was some issue..... and then i wonder why my BP is higher at the Dr's office. I'm not looking forward to drinking the sugar drink, and what i'll feel like afterwords....which will probably be icky. I have been totally watching the sugar intake this week....i really, really, REALLY wanted a mini blizzard from DQ and i was like naw, i'll wait til thrs....ya know cuz that one blizzard is totally going to give me diabetes... I'm a little nervous about weight gain too....i've def. gained some weight and i don't like where it's going....ugh...i know it's only temp. I'm just like if i'm looking like this now, what will i look like in a month or even 2 months..... it's only temp. i know, and really i shouldn't care about the weight gain, but it's really been bothering me lately.....once tomorrow comes and goes, i know it'll be fine. On top of that i just haven't felt good today....it's getting harder to move and bend and do all the things i'm used to doing, i just get worn out easier. I feel like i could sleep for about a week....don't know if i have a cold coming on or all of a sudden i have allergies or maybe i have a sinus infection....not really sure, but i hope i feel better soon.

So, here's to tomorrow that it's a great Dr. Apt and i pass my 1hr GD test!

time....

is slowly going by.....

I'm almost down to double digits for how many days i have left. Today i have 109 days....crazy huh? This weekend we had some GREAT weather, i enjoyed every moment of it and actually got a lot done, cleared out TreeHuggers room, started to re-decorate the loft, cleaned my car, cleaned the garage.... but, i also felt it. I just can't move around or bend as easily as i used to be able to...i also can't lift a lot of things.... and swelling, well... my fingers swelled, nothing outragous or anything, but just enough to make my wedding rings uncomfortable feeling.. i could probably still wear them, but i hate the feeling of snug rings and i'm afraid if i wait til i get to work to put them on, i'll probably end up loosing them....my fingers are usually good by the time i get to work. I'm a little nervous at what Summer will bring, but at least i'll be able to soak in the pool..right? The bottoms of my feet hurt too this weekend, i think from all the standing and walking and moving on them i did....i almost thought about wrapping them up in ice packs....it was weird. Hubby felt TreeHugger from the outside the other day, he swears he felt her poke him on our Annv.....but this one was without a doubt her....it was pretty cool. Blood presure seems to be avg. at about 122/70, which isn't tooo shabby...i'd perfer that top number to be lower then 120, but actually it's pretty good.
I think baby is going to be growing again here soon...i've been SOOOOO Hungry today.... i had a bowl of cereal and banana around 8a, then i had my apples at like 1030a, then i had my bagel at like 11a, then i went to jewel to get some veggies cuz i was still starving and had some carrots and celery at like 1230p, along with a egg sandwhich.... that seemed to do it for now...but i feel like i'm getting hungry again...

Got the dresser in the room...woot! Now we're just waiting for the ceiling fan to get installed and then the crib can go up... It's becoming more and more real..... we're going to have a baby before summer is over.....that just floors me. When i was cleaning out my car, i told hubby - in like 3 months we're going to have a car seat in this car...crazy! I just want to hold the baby, see what she looks like, snuggle with her....i just want to see what type of little person she's going to turn into, what she's going to do with her life..... is she going to care about wildlife and nature or is she going to love the glam and ritz of the city life? Is she going to go to college or will she explore the world...

wow...

24 weeks..... actually, today i woke up thinking i was 25wks....whoops. i even sang happy 25wks to TreeHugger too....and then i checked my email and good thing baby center reminded me i was only 24 weeks...lol.

So i'm not a huge fish fan, but it's Lent and i've been having fish sticks the last few fridays with homemade tarter sauce....YUM. Tonight's fish sticks were especially yummy.....don't know why, my taste buds must've been in high gear while i was eating them.

So, i had a training today for work about missing and exploited children.....having a girl is making me sooo nervous....seriously, i do not know how she is going to do anything when she's attached to me...lol. Girl or not, it's crazy what a crazy and scary world it is out there....it's just not the same as it was even 20 years ago when i was little....my kids will never have a computer that has Internet access in their rooms, they will NEVER have a cell phone that has camera/Internet/video/txting abilities...it will be a phone to call in emergencies....until they get older, and even then it will be monitored. Honestly, it's all about COMMUNICATION - talk with your kids..... if they're older, it's not about the 'stranger danger' talk anymore, it's 'what would you do?' if this happens.... if an adult or older kid comes up to you at the park, what do you do? An adult should not be asking a child for directions... you turn around and run away! It's just crazy....

24wks....next week is my GD test... hope i pass!!!

crib!!

Woot....we got our crib!!
http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/60108663

So now it's really, really official...lol. I still have to take out the bed frame and box spring from the bed that's in there.... then we'll vacuum and steam clean the carpet. We still have to get the ceiling fan in there and switch out the dressers, which hopefully will be done in the next month.....We then have to organize the loft to accommodate the bed. I don't know where everything is going to go. I thought we were packing up the broken computer and desk, but now hubby wants to keep the desk in the loft, i think we should just get a cheap corner desk since i know we're NEVER going to use the desk..since we have the laptop...but he thinks he's going to sit at the desk with the laptop... it's just soo big and we can save it and get a small corner one.... There's a few thrift stores i'll stop in at and i'll hit up the garage sales and see if we can get something for cheap.

so much to still do, but i just feel like i don't know where to even begin....

hello month #6....

Yup, i've entered into my 6th month. Pretty cool, which means i'm nearing out my 2nd trimester and going to be entering into 3rd by the end of the month....

My belly def. popped....which would explain why i was so uncomfortable the last few days. I just absolutely love my baby bump... the other things that come with it ie-love handles expanding...that i don't love so much. I'm still floored that we're having a little girl and i think we've pretty much narrowed down the name, but we're not sure yet, so Tree Hugger Rhubarb she still is.



She's moving around as i'm typing this, and it just still amazes me every time i feel her move how incredibly grateful and lucky we are to be in this position of having a child. It really changes one's perspective when something you thought would be so easily attained and something that is wanted for sooo long may never happen. I still get teary eyed when i think about it, about everything that we've gone through to get to this place - all the people out there trying so desperately to have a family - it really makes me appreciate that i've been given this blessing and there's just something about it that makes it even more special, that i've got this bond with my baby daughter already....i just hope we remain close.

ouch....

i say, ouch. My stomach has been hurting, not where the baby is, but like at the very top of my rib cage, right under the gals. I can't really seem to get comfortable without an ache there..it's like when you're sitting with really bad posture and then sit up and it's like a sore/ache feeling.... I just have felt a little off the past 3 days....today has been the worse.... i don't know if i'm going through a growth spurt..well, baby really....or if it's gas or what, but it's making me uncomfortable. I was doing okay until lunch time, i had some carrots and a bunch of raspberries, a frozen smart ones and some pita chips... i don't know what set it off or what the baby doesn't like, but man, my stomach hurt and then it turned hard - i've just been uncomfortable since then.... i did let out two really aweosme burps about an hour ago and that seemed to help ease some discomfort. I don't know if the baby is growing and just pushing everything up or if my stomach is shrinking or what is going on... i just hope it's normal, i know the baby is okay cuz i can feel her moving around, but i just don't like being this uncomfortable.

cravings.

so i caved in.... i've been craving a slushie FOREVER...like, since around Christmas time.. no idea why, i just have wanted one.... i never gave in, thought about all the empty calories and i'd rather spend them on other things like carbs. So, today i picked up the baby's valance...ADORABLE....so now it's just waiting to be hung...woot! (it's the forest friends theme from Carters) So, i happened to be by a Sonic and i remember seeing a commercial and their slushies looked REALLY GOOD...so i caved...i got myself a cherry slushie .......and can i tell you it was DELICIOUS!! I still have more then half of it in the freezer for later, since it was like the never ending slushie....seriously, i felt like i drank almost all of it and it wasn't even half way yet. And it's not a huge one either....it was just the regular one. And then since i caved on that craving i caved on my other one...cheese puffs. I don't know why cheese puffs, i don't normally care for them, but man, i just wanted some good ole cheese puffs...so i got some and i do have to say, they are mighty tasty. I will def. have to make sure i eat good this week, but i do think it's good to, give in to the cravings every now and again. Ohhh....and my other craving has been those little chocolate eggs that come in the purple bag....OMG...YUM. I have always LOVED them and guess what..i found them being sold in indv. little pkgs at the store, so i picked some up....the fantastic thing about that, is that i can now have a little bag and they last me all day....and then i'm not going back to the big bag to get more.... LOVE IT! I also haven't been really on a candy/chocolate thing, but man, those eggs just hit the spot. oh and my ice cream tooth has come back .....i LOVE ice cream on any other day, but i have been REALLY loving ice cream.....

I was just thinking how weird it is the things that taste so different to me now that i'm pregnant...i wonder if food will still taste this good? I doubt it, cuz i'll be going back to more diet/low fat foods, but i've also learned through out this process that regular food is fine, as long as it's in moderation.

alien!!

So, i have been feeling stronger movements from our lil' girl and every time i try to get her to move so her dad can feel her from the outside, she doesn't. LOL.
Hubby thought he felt her on our wedding annv, which couldn't have been any sweeter of a day to feel his daughter...but hasn't been able to feel her again since then. The other day i was laying in bed and she was going CRAZY!!! and the movement was much stronger i looked at my stomach and it was MOVING! It was like a little alien was in there!!! LOL...it was the coolest but freakiest thing EVER! I still haven't been able to get her to move around like she did that night so hubby can see it too, but i keep telling him soon enough, probably in a week or two he should be seeing it or feeling it more.

I bought 3 outfits for our daughter...FUN! They are just the cutest little outfits and all on clearance, plus i had a coupon...sweet! I told hubby that i would not buy anymore outfits, except these Bambi and Thumper onsies i saw at walmart....which i'll wait til they go on clearence at the end of the season....and hope they'll still have some, if not i'll try to find them on ebay or something.

We're still arguing over names.... I have a feeling she really will be named Tree Hugger.... ;)

"What's in a name?...

.....That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Juliet said that one time when talking about Romeo....

So, we had some 'name' issues earlier this month when i decided that the name we had thought was okay wasn't okay anymore. LOL My biggest issue with the name was that our daughter would have to spell and pronounce the name and i just didn't want her to have to do that all the time. The name is also important to DH, cuz it's his grandma who raised him til he was 18 yrs old....she passed in 2007. I have no problem what so ever using this name and i'm more then happy to help honor his grandma...i love love love using names that mean something...ya know. The middle name would be my mothers name.

So, i changed my mind, i wanted the first name to be the middle name and my mom's name the 1st name or at least a name that would reflect my mom in some way. So, DH was totally against it at first....there was NO compromising on his end, it HAD to be this name...ugh. So, i thought it was understood by both of us that the original name was not happening and that we needed to find a new name. Well, then the ultrasound happened and i was kinda hoping for a boy so that we didn't have to have this name battle.....but, why would i think anything would be easy....of course it would be a girl...LOL. Sooooooo, as DH was walking down the hallway at the Dr's office, he made a comment about oh, baby Tia(her nickname from the org. name) and i said, uh, maybe not.....which then sparked the name discussion.... and then my hormones went crazy and it was not good.....even i was taken aback with my hormonal outburst...lol. Anyways, we each relaxed a bit and talked about our thoughts and then agreed to just enjoy the day and that we're having a girl and we can discuss names later.....so that's what we did, we went out to celebrate and just enjoyed the fact that we are having a daughter.

So, then today i mentioned three names i would consider.....DH of course veto'd all of them right away...i think he thinks if he says no to my names, i'll come up with another one.....which at this point i probably won't.

Then we talked today and since we found out we were having a girl on St. Patty's day, and we were married the day after and have a dog named Clover and our neighborhood is named after Irish things, etc.... we weren't surprised we would find out the gender on St. Pat's day....so he suggested picking an Irish name....so i told him pick some and we can discuss.

So, we have narrowed it down to two.... both we found on an Irish name website and one was one that i mentioned this morning......so we're testing them out this weekend..... one step closer to picking a name for our daughter

it's a .....

bird.....
it's a plane.....
it's a shooting star.....

It's.....
...........
A.....................
.....................
GIRL!!

P

Yup, today i have my 24 hour urine collection jug thing i have to do.....at work. LOL Good thing we're all 'tight' around here and they are fully aware of everything i have undergone to get to this point of pregnancy that, really, my jug o'urine is nothing compared to some of the procedures i've explained to them. Besides the fact that we all know when my co worker pumps, what's a little urine in the frig?
Every time i have to go potty, i can't help but chuckle at the fact that i am carrying in a bright orange jug full of urine and i have to sit on this white urine collector thingy....ah well, just another thing i am doing for my child...i suppose it won't be the last.

Is is bad that i've now made peeing into a competition....yup, i'm totally trying to see how much urine i can pee out..so far the most has been 13oz..... not too bad....not to bad.

and so it begins.....

the not sleeping....
I'm starting to feel a little less anxious about Tree Hugger coming and a little less scared. Started to try to organize Tree Huggers room, pretty much just making piles, since i'm switching out dressers and i'm not sure when we'll get the larger one.....so i can't do too much in there til i get that. Also organizing the loft area, since the bed in baby's room will be put in the loft and will be more of a 'day bed/couch' so when ppl come over and if they sleep over, they have a bed still. I'd still really like to get a new couch for the living room....something like this:

I really would love to have a couch with the chaise lounge....it would really open up the room, since we currently have two over sized couches in there at the moment that were hand me downs....they're in AWESOME condition, but they're bulky and opening up the room i think would be beneficial...but hubby says no. Maybe once we start filling up the room with baby stuff, he'll see that getting a new couch would give us more room.

It was cute, Tree Hugger was 'sleeping' and then i started to play some music and baby started kicking...like it was dancing in there .... here's who i was listening to.... http://www.patchouli.net They played at my college and i love their music. My favortie song of theirs is The Woods. I don't really like the version they have on their website, but you get the jist of it.

Well, i'm going to try to get some shut eye...considering we're loosing an hour of sleep.... :(

As Joey would say....'Woah!'

Wow, having a baby is really starting to become very real. I mean, not that being pregnant hasn't been real enough...but ya know what i mean? Pregnancy hasn't changed my life all that much.... but now..... we're going to order the crib tonight and i just signed up for baby class at the hospital.....and it's all becoming very real. Soon we'll start talking to Peds Dr's and having showers... it's all becoming just very real and very over whelming.

I think the over whelming piece is just the unknown...the not knowing how labor will be for ME, how my body will heal, if i'll produce milk, how the baby will be, how the hubby and i will stay strong and make time for us - while adjusting to this new life, making sure Clover is doing okay and not feeling left out, if my body will bounce back to something even better, if the baby blues will be tough.....how i'll handle going back to work..... i feel like each of these things are like bricks on my shoulders....

I know there's no point in over thinking things i have no control over now, but everything is becoming very real, and honestly, i'm a little scared. I think Hubby and i are both scared.... i mean, we have wanted this sooooo badly, and now we're scared. But, i think that's normal and i know when we see our lil' miracle and it's handed to us that all these fears will slowly drift away and we'll know that we will do the best we can, and do it together...... that's all we can do. :)

On the BP part - i took my BP at the store the other day and it was 123/68. Not to shabby.... so i'm going again tonight to check on it and make sure it's still staying lower.

ugh..

So, today was the BIG REVEAL....... baby revealed a lot.... showed off it's leg bones and a beautiful spine and ribs, made sure we got some shots and measurements of it's head and abdomen. Tree hugger also showed us it's toes and hands... so when we went to see the goods....baby turned rump up and we couldn't see anything, so then baby moved and put it's little foot right in front of the goods. The tech was like i can't even guess...baby is NOT showing us anything.... doh! It was cute... i said 'oh, come on baby..show us your stuff' And baby pointed a little finger at us and started moving it's mouth and moving it's hands like it was talking to us saying, 'ha, ha, you're not going to find out!'

So, i'm fine with not knowing, it's not like it really matters to me if we know, i just wanted the baby to be healthy, which so far all things look good and i'm measuring right on track!

So, then i go to work, and i get a call to come back to the Dr's office......my blood pressure was high and they wanted to re take it....and i needed my RH shot. So, i'm like great....my blood pressure has been on the high end of normal since going to this Dr --good news, it's not getting higher, but it's also not getting lower. I have NEVER EVER have had an issue with my BP. So, they take my BP - and it was still super high, so she gives me my shot, which hurt like a MO FO and then she takes my BP again, and it is significantly lower, BUT still on the higher end...so the DR comes in and explains to me that they're starting me on BP meds to keep the BP down and get the issue now, instead of waiting until it really can become an issue.

Now, i must throw it out there that i am terrified of death.....And knowing that i am walking around with higher BP, knowing i could have a stroke, heart attack or seizure, scares the crap-ola out of me. Pre-E/eclampsia is my WORST pregnancy fear...i am terrified of that and knowing that i'm walking on that thin line, also terrifies the crap-ola out of me.....

i'll be honest, i am scared.
I am trying to look at it that they are dealing with this early in hopes that it won't become an issue. I'm thinking that i probably am not going to be going til 40wks, and i won't be surprised if baby comes closer to 37 wks. Not that i want to have an early baby, but in a way, i feel like i need to prepare myself..... i do not want to go on bed rest.

So, prayers that the meds work and my BP goes down and i have a uneventful rest of the pregnancy and baby comes out healthy.....and that i'm okay too... :)

tastebuds ....

my tastebuds are truely amazing! Food has never had so much flavor and taste....
Last week i was really craving a bagel, so i went a little crazy and got a blueberry bagel, toasted with REGULAR creame cheese...OMG- it was like biting into pure bliss.....it was like with every bite, i could imagine siting on the dock up north and enjoying the sunrise over the cool waters....wow.
I then walked into jewel a few days ago and staring back at me were raspberries...so, naturally i had to buy some - OMG... eating these ripe, red, raspberries were like biting into summer memories...every bite took me back to a fun, warm summer memory. Memories of summers spent in MI with family, or times when the raspberries finally started to grow in the backyard and eating them all, savoring every last bite.
I had a piece of chocolate today and it was the best piece of chocolate i have ever tasted as it melted in my mouth...it was fantastic.
Cool Ranch doritos, seem to be my latest calling - they are THE BEST CHIP EVER! They have never tasted so good before....i mean, i don't normally eat doritos, but man, these are the bomb. It's like flavors of goodness just explode in my mouth with every crunch.

Food has just never tasted so magnificant before...

names!

That's it!!! This baby is Moonbeam Tree hugger.
If hubby and i have one more conversation about dang names i think i'm going to explode. We have a boy name picked and a girl name picked...but it was NEVER set in stone and i ALWAYS told hubby that we may change our minds -- ie. i might change my mind. So, as we're getting closer and closer to finding out, i have been practicing the names, saying them out loud, making sure they flow, etc. The girl name is a family name on hubby's side...no biggie, but it's unique and people who don't know how to say it will mis-pronounce it and spell it wrong. So, why give our daughter that hassle, when we can just shorten it up and waaaalaaa- issue diverted. But, NOOOOOOO, it's not what hubby wants.
I'm sorry, are you the one who had to do daily shots for weeks on end? HMMM? Are you the one who had to watch your body change right before your eyes? HMMM? Are you the one who's body was effected by hormones from those daily shots? NO??? Oh, so i suppose you also weren't poked and prodded for a problem that also wasn't yours....RIGHT, i forgot....all you had to do was squirt your junk in a cup. Soooo painful.... woe is me. Yes, i did totally pull the shot card out and reminded the hubby that as a mother, i should have a say in my daughter's name.... PERIOD. And if i don't like the one name, cuz everyone will spell/pronounce it wrong, i like the nickname, let's just name her that, she's still named after the family member... geez!!

Now, the thing i should point out here is that we STILL DON'T KNOW what we're having...so really, having this discussion on names is a mute point.... the girl's name won't be an issue, if we're not having a girl.

So, whatever, i'm naming the kid, Moonbeam Tree hugger. Or better yet, i like the flow of Tree hugger Rhubarb.

butterflies and heartbeats....

So i am very sure that i've been feeling baby. I don't feel baby every day, but i have been feeling what i do believe is baby more often. Thursday i was driving home from work and baby was doing some flips in there....it gave me that butterfly feeling when you're on a roller coaster and you get butterflies in your tummy....then i played with the baby i poked my stomach and baby moved around....it was quite fun. :) I usually will feel baby when i'm sitting, so i often wonder if i'm crushing it and it's like, 'mom!! stand up, you're crushing me!'
I think hubby is a little jealous that i get to feel baby right now. I always make sure i tell him when i feel baby, so that he can touch my belly and feel connected. Clover, our four legged baby, has been VERY attached to me since i've gotten pregnant and even more so the last month or so..... so she follows me around EVERYWHERE!! So, it adds to hubby feeling left out....lol. I am looking forward to him being able to feel the baby on the outside.

So the last few weeks, when we have listened to the baby's heartbeat on the doppler, we've been picking up what sounds like a 2nd heartbeat. The 1st time it happened, hubby and i looked at each other and hubby said, 'no way-could there really be twins in there?' I said, 'no way - it's gotta be the umbli. cord or something' So, then i of course googled if you could find out you're having twins til later in the pregnancy even with multiple ultrasounds in the begining...turns out it can happen. And i have a neighbor who didn't know she was having twins until she was 4.5 mnths along...eek. I honestly don't believe i'm carrying twins, but i would like to just know what the extra heartbeat is coming from....i'll assume it's the umbil. cord. We'll know for sure Thursday.

ooohh...baby just moved.

will the worry ever end?!?!?!?!

So, we had quite the adventure today.....
both had off and we decided to begin our registries...... on our way to one store, we ended up hitting some black ice and went ice skating right into a curb..... AWESOME! slowly made our way into the parking lot so we could put on the spare and off to the car dealership, which just so happened to be right there..phew. So, we need a new wheel (the inside of the tire, not the actual rubber part, but the metal part) and alignment..and a hub cap since the book said to pull the hub cap off, when really apparently we needed to unscrew it....whoops, so hubby literaly started to pull it off in pieces...it was busted anyways...but for $62, we'll be replacing it with a hub cap at walmart or something. So, we'll hopefully get that new wheel piece tomorrow. We didn't hit the curb too hard, but it was enough to kinda jostle us...so then i debating while hubby was trying to change the spare, if i should call the Dr... i didn't think i needed to go in, but then i thought maybe i should just call - so i called my mom to see what she thought and she agreed that i should at least call the Dr. so that they knew and exspecially with everything we've done to get to this point... better to err on the side of caution. So, i called and basically they said that it sounds like i should be okay and if any spotting or cramping begins to call them pronto. Of course, now every time i go potty, guess what i'm for sure always checking....yup, the toilet paper, i mean, i've just always checked since the bleeding in the beginning, but now i'm almost not wanting to potty just in case there is blood....ugh, will this pregnancy ever be normal where i'm not always 2nd guessing every little ping???? THANK goodness for heart dopplers....once we got home i checked on the baby, and heartbeat sounds fine. So, i'll be taking it extra easy tonight and the rest of the week.......

babymania

So, today my parents so kindly came over and helped us start getting ready for baby.
My dad installed a closet organizer and it looks FANTASTIC....i'm sooooooo excited that it's installed and can't wait for hubby to paint the patches and then i can start to get it ready...woot!
My mom helped me organize my closet and i had gotten some bins to start the process, then we tackled the kitchen....way easier then i was thinking it was going to be. So we have one cabinet shelf that is all for baby and it currently has a bottle sitting in it. :) Then we hit the pantry and i have a half of a shelf for all things baby.

Doing these two things helped big time make me feel a-that this baby is 100% real - i mean, not that it wasn't real before, but like baby is really coming in a few months and b-made us both way excitied that baby is coming and things are getting done.

Jewel Osco is suppose to be having their freezer deal, so we'll be getting one of those so i can make and freeze baby food.....woot! So, cleaning out the garage is the next thing on the list.....

To many people, this is all boring and so not neat -- to me, i find all these things have helped me breathe a little more....and looks like hubby and i might start registering monday, since we both have off, and then i won't have to take a personal day...yeah! That will be great cuz then i can stop researching and reading reviews and reports on what we're looking at (cribs, strollers, car seats, pack and play, etc) to make sure it's okay. So far, things are looking good....now it's finding a color we both agree on. I could care less on color, but i want color--just not pink or blue blue.... i want to keep it a more neutral color - red, orange, yellow, green etc. Hubby wants black....which i said, that's fine, but i want some color to it. So the two travel strollers we like --one is black and orangeish/red and one is grey and green or we could do grey and light yellow. So, we'll see.

Let the babymania begin!

maybe baby?

So, i think i might be feeling the baby - i'm not sure, but today i do think it was baby. I am super aware of my body and have been REALLY focusing and paying attention and the last few days this week, there have been 'bubbles' or like a little flutter or something poking me from the inside that have made me stop and see if it happens again, which it usually doesn't, so i pass it off that it was something else. Last night i swear i def. felt something that would have been more baby then gas.....it happened a few times, the same feeling and around the same area.... then today i was in a meeting and i felt two little flutterings in the same area.... so i think it may be baby...but i'm not totally for sure if it is. I guess i'll find out soon enough. :)

lists, lists and more lists

why so many lists? Cuz apparently when you are pregnant you really do start to lose your mind....i seriously think that you're busy thinking of all the things that need to get done and what you still have to research and that you're going to be a new parent and how you're going to juggle F/T work and being a F/T parent and taking care of the dog and...and....well, shoot, i forgot what else i was going to say...lol. Anyways, i feel so disorgnaized, i feel like i'm dropping balls left and right and that i'm losing my marbles.....soon i'm going to have little pretty post it note artwork all over my house so i remember things. Twice last week i was having a conversation with my co-worker and twice, smack dab in the middle of what i was saying, i totally forgot what my point was, where i was going with it.... yikes.

Also, when you are pregnant, while you're losing your mind forgetting things, apparently you also forget how to eat....and so you dribble things onto your shirt or pants....crumbs everywhere, liquid all over...doh! I have never been such a messy eater in my life, everytime there are crumbs everywhere on my shirt, or i go to drink some water and it goes all over the front of my shirt...awesome! LOL

So, i've begun to organzie the house and i just don't even know where to start....ugh.

b-o-r-i-n-g

This stage i'm at is truly boring.....i can't feel the baby, i don't have a Dr. apt for another 3 weeks, i think i have a belly, but to the rest of the world i just look fat and there's really not much to do. I'm totally not complaining, i'm just simply pointing out the obvious. It's too early to register, it's to early to really deep clean and organize....it's just a boring stage.

TUMS- my new bff....just thought i'd throw that out there.

So yesterday i had a moment of complete pregnancy insane-ness. I mean, PMSx1000!!! It was crazy...i didn't know if i should cry or scream or do both or throw something or climb back into bed or what....it was just crazy, i felt crazy, i felt completely just at a loss at how i should feel or react... so i ended up crying just a little bit on the way home from work cuz i was just soooo over the day and how i was feeling crazy and just totally pissy and ugh.....and then i started laughing cuz i just felt ridiculous.

I feel like i popped a little this week, sunday i had on a zip up hoody that i've worn through out my pregnancy and i attempted to zip it up sunday and the darn thing was super tight zipped up...so, i feel like my belly is getting bigger... i'm just waiting to start feeling the baby kick and move around and have a REAL pregnancy buddha belly....

I think i'm going to get stretch marks....ew. I have two small red ones that i got under my gut area from when i did IVF.... cuz they pump you with meds that make you go from normal to 6mths pregnant looking in about 2 days....lol. I feel like they're getting more red.... i go back and forth about how i feel about stretch marks...part of me feels like they are a little reminder of what my body is capable of doing - making life and keeping it safe...i know in time the marks will go away....but if i had to choose, i'd obviously choose to NOT have them.

23 days til we find out who we have growing up in my belly....

craving for today.....

so, some people believe that there is no such things as cravings. I don't know if i've had 'real' cravings, but occasionally, i hear someone talking about something or just get a taste for something and it's all i can think about....i don't always give into my cravings.....but occasionally i might.

So today i forgot a lunch, so my co-worker and i went out to grab a bite....conversation as follows:

CW: so where do you want to go?
me: oh, i don't know, i can pretty much eat about anything today
CW: what does the baby want?
me: oh i dunno, french fries.....wendy's, mcd's...oh, i want steak fries, maybe tommy's....oh i dunno, mmm, pita bread --oh a ckn gyro, maybe chkn nuggets from wendy's and then we can get fries from tommy's...oh, i know, pizza, oh wait, the sauce will make me feel icky...i really want steak fries...
CW: um, okay, well, uh, lets go to tommy's
me: ya know what i really want, i want a pita filled with steak fries, ckn nuggets, mozzarella sticks, some melted cheese oh and cucumber sauce, lettuce and tomato's, yum, doesn't that just sound delicious?
CW: uh, not really....but you're the pregnant one...

food

Food - that seems to be quite a thing i think about everyday.....and almost all.the.time. If i haven't gained any weight yet, i'm sure i'm about to and i won't totally be shocked when i go in March and the Dr says ....WOAH, you have gained like 25lbs!!!! LOL!

Anyways, today i was going to eat a frozen meal i had in the freezer at work and i went to cook it up but it was some grilled chicken, broccoli, noodle thing and the thought of chicken just was not yummy sounding...so, i went to jewel (had to go anyways) and while i was looking at the non-chicken frozen foods, everything that i would be willing to eat was covered in red sauce......what to have, what to have..... so i got the mac and cheese (not the best selection.....but it was no chicken and no red sauce) and then i instantly wanted an egg roll....hmmmm, so i got the veggie egg rolls. Go to work and cooked my lunch - had just 2 bites of the egg roll - so not as good as i was hoping and the mac and cheese...eh, kraft is so much yummier- so i didn't finish that either....

Anyways, these days i've become kinda picky about what i want to eat....everything is 1-is it good for the baby and 2-how am i going to feel after i eat this?

I had cereal tonight for dinner and i think the milk just is not settling right....ugh....
I really should just stick to the dang carbs. :)

Oh and i had a hamburger yesterday (i had a burger a few weeks ago for the 1st time in 13 years....) so i had one yesterday cuz i was just wanting one and OMG - it tasted JUST LIKE SUMMER!! It was delicious...the best was hubby goes, 'wow, you're putting mustard on your burger, i didn't know you did that' and as soon as those words came out he goes, 'well, actually, now that i think about it, i've never seen you eat a burger' LOL. The 1st burger i ate a few weeks ago, he was there but i didn't put mustard on the burger. Anyways, i forgot where i was going with this... OH I REMEMBER - so, anyways, i felt soooo great today....i'm beginning to think that the burger had something to do with it. The 1st time i had a burger i felt great the next day too..... hmmmm, maybe it's just a quickiy dink, but it's interesting.

Anyways, food, food food......that's what i think about.....

Belly Time!

Here i am at 12 weeks


And here i am today - 14 weeks.

Apt

Sooooo...... had my Dr Apt today. No ultrasound, i thought i was getting one so we could see the clot, but they said since i haven't had any spotting in the last 2wks that i didn't need one. I can resume all activity now --ie: romance with the hubby, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA We're still to freaked out about it, but the Dr suggested to dooooos it on a week night so that if i spot, i can call her right away the next morning and she can see me..... yeah....cuz that totally makes us want to have some romance time....awesome! I can also start working out (walking on the treadmill) and once the weather is nice, walking around the neighborhood, which i'm happy about cuz it will help with labor and stuff.

Heard the baby's heartbeat - still in the 150's, and then it jumped around and it started beating in the 160's.....she said baby is active around these weeks. Sometimes i swear i feel the baby, but then i think naw, it's way to early. I just can't wait to feel this lil' one.

On the weight front, i'm happy to brag that i haven't gained any weight!!!! I can NOT believe this. I eat ALL THE TIME! I was sure that i've probably gained like 10lbs by now.....nope, i lost one pound back after christmas! (out of all the times to loose weight, i lost a pound after christmas!!) and haven't gained anything since then. She said that's fine as long as i'm eating healthy, then she has no problem that i haven't gained anything yet.....sweet!! Awesome! tomorrow is picture day, and i will post my 12 week and 14 week picture and then you can see how i've 'not gained any weight' but gained a belly. :)

In March we find out what we're having.....

OMG--

I can not stop eating....... I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry. Just thought i'd share that. I think i'm going to have a lil' growth spurt here sometime this week... i've had an increase of round ligament pain, i'm soooo sleepy AND i can not stop eating!!!!!

All is well in this tree huggers life - started to get the itch to clean and organize. I am still on some restrictions, which we're hoping will be lifted Thursday. We'll get an ultrasound and see hopefully that the clot is gone and i can resume regular activities....like clean and lifting and such. Also, i really want to get on the treadmill and walk - just a slow paced walk for about 30 mins. I'm really nervous about labor and delivery and i've always heard that working out helps ease it, so the fact that i haven't been allowed to work out is frustrating cuz i don't want it to hamper my delivery.... and yes i am aware i have 26.5 weeks to work out before baby comes to get my body ready... but still.

I have begun to make lists....the one i worked on today is the 'cleaning schedule' for 4 months - March-June. Every month hubby(unknown to him) and i will tackle a room and deep clean it, organize it and get it ready. Here's what we're hoping to tackle come March -
March
-Pick out crib
-register (yes, we're registering probably pretty early, but regardless of a gender, most things will still be gender neutral and April is pretty packed for us)
-Deep clean family room(clean, dust, get rid of things, steam clean carpet)
-clean out and organize downstairs closet
-find a ceiling fan on sale

Every month will have a different room - April has living room/dining room and kitchen. May has the babies room, loft/upstairs and Master bedroom -- we don't have to save the rooms for that month and i'll post the list on the frig and as we deep clean rooms, we'll cross them off so we know they'll just need a light cleaning b4 baby comes. I'm really not this anal, but for some reason i just gotta clean and get organized.

I think the container store is going to become my new best friend.....

FYI

Note to self --- red sauce+baby= unhappy mommy.

I was just thinking today about the things i LOVED and got regularly before pregnancy. Such as ice cream, i would at times stop by McD's on my way home and grab an ice cream cone, or if Culvers happened to have a delicious flavor going, i might just splurge and get a scoop..... yeah, not so much anymore.
It appears my tolerance of dairy products has a limit and ice cream is not tolerated anymore. Really, anything with sugar is just plan out not tolerated anymore. I have been salivating at the thought of a donut the last 2 weeks, (i eat a donut like once a year..lol) and so i thought to myself yesterday, what the heck, splurge, have a dang donut since it's all you've been thinking about ....yeah, sugar+baby=unhappy mommy. I felt sooooo gross. And it just hasn't been with the donut, it has been after eating a cookie or something sweet - which i just haven't been into anyways. Chocolate- LOVED LOVED LOVED chocolate...not so much anymore, not a huge fan of chocolate... that is one thing i can tolerate, but just not into it.
Also not into grilled chicken....any chicken for that matter, but i can eat chicken nuggets or chicken Parmesan(but, last time, same thing happened and i'm assuming it was the red sauce-doh!)....i just can't focus or think about it while i'm eating it, or i start to get icky feeling. But grilled chicken, NO WAY...the texture, the taste, the smell, the look....YUCK!!

Here's a belly pic from 9.5 weeks. Hopefully i'll get the 12 wk one up this weekend. I'll take them every 2 weeks.


This was taken a few days after my visit to the ER in early December. You can see the uterine contraction towards the bottom, it's like a circle. On top of the baby is the blood clot(can't see it in this pic)....poor lil' guy was getting smushed between a clot and a contraction.....


Baby -- isn't it sooo cute... see how much more room the baby has -- a week after bed rest started, and it helped. You can see some of the blood clot towards the top.

12 weeks!!

I thought 10 weeks was exciting, 12 weeks is even MORE exciting...it's the last week in 1st trimester!!
Dr appointment went well yesterday....the midwife did a great job listening to me babble through my list of 'concerns' -through my tears...... i hate crying...i have no idea why i cry when i'm discussing my concerns.....partly, i think it's still that fear of something could go wrong or if i tell them a symptom i'm having we'll have loads of other issues.....but alas, no issues. Headaches were probably because i was dehydrated and i did the right thing by making sure i increased my fluids. Lack of peeing at night is okay, the uterus is moving and i won't always have to pee so much until i get further along. There are three of them that can deliver the baby, and one of them will always be available. spotting is fine, as long as it was brown and sounds like it was from doing a lot of walking on saturday, so she reminded me to take it easy and that it was good i listened to my body. One more appointment 2 weeks away, and then we'll check on the blood clot and as long as baby and clot is hopefully gone - we'll move to 1x month dr appointments like normal people. lol Heard the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler thingy, it was in the 150's....a boy!!(according to the Doc) :) Although my hair has been horrible!!!!i got it cut late Oct...and have gone much longer then this without problems....but, i have split ends like crazy, and need to get a hair cut pronto, so i think a girl..... although, i have felt boy this whole time. I dreamt last night of our baby!!! It was a boy and it had ice blue eyes and light Carmel/brown hair with curls and it had darker skin, not tan, but more then pale. I guess we'll see.
Hopefully i'll get my belly pics up here... i have one at 9.5 wks and took one today at 12wks......i feel like my belly has exploded out of no where, but then some days looks like i got nothing....lol.

can someone just knock me out...

So, I've been struggling with how i'm feeling lately, cuz i don't want to come off as complaining or that i'm ungrateful for being with child, but, i just gotta say all this, more out of concern and to get it off my chest....

1st- Thank goodness i have a Dr. apt on Thursday, cuz i am turning into a nervous wreck..... i have begun a list of things that i will be discussing with the Dr and began writing them down so i wouldn't forget.

So, i ended the shots friday, then i began getting these HORRIFIC headaches. Now, i have tried everything in my power to stay off googling any symptoms that i have so i will not become paranoid. Well, i went against my better judgement and learned that headaches can be caused by high blood pressure or hormones. So of course, since the last 2 times i've gone to the Dr, my blood pressure has been on the higher side of normal,(i've NEVER had an issue with my BP before-it's usually on the lower side) i am thinking oh.my.gosh...i'm having high BP headaches and i'm going to have a stroke in my sleep....or i have a sinus infection. The pain does feel like sinus infection, and is primarily around my eye socket area and in between my eyes and like my my ear and i just feel like crap.... I don't have a temp, so that's good. But i think i'm going to go home early from work and sleep. I know hubby would feel better and honestly, so would I. Funny, i began to hate the bed when i was 'stuck' in it and now when i don't feel good or something feels off, that's my go to, it's like i'm safe in bed or something..lol. I also began spotting a little this weekend, which is another reason i'm so freakn' paranoid - i'm not feeling good, i have these headaches and now i'm spotting (brown and only when i wipe). The Dr. said i would spot until the clot is gone and most likely through my 1st trimester, but it still doesn't make me feel good when the spotting seemed to stop only to start up again. I know Saturday i did a lot - we went to Kohls to return some things, ended up stopping in at Babies r Us to take a gander around and see how Hubby's taste is compared to mine and then we went grocery shopping and while we were in the store, i told hubby that i had to stop walking that i can feel that i'm over doing it....so i stood there and he finished getting what we needed. When i got home, that's when i noticed the spotting...and then took it easy the rest of the weekend. We did listen to the babies heartbeat on Sunday afternoon, so i'm assuming it's okay in there.

And i'm starting to loose some of my symptoms....THANKFULLY, my girls are still sore,which i never thought i'd be so happy about and i feel myself up everyday just to be sure...lol. I have been feeling GREAT, other then the headaches that just started, but i don't have to eat every few hours now to feel okay and I haven't been peeing at night as much, sometimes i go the whole night now without waking up, which is fine, but i'd almost like it if i woke up at least once.... i used to wake up once, maybe twice to potty.... and i'm drinking water like crazy and you'd think i'd be peeing 24/7 and it'd be clear - but i'm not and it's not as clear as i think it ought to be. So then i think i'm not getting enough water so i increase it and then i start thinking about that water toxic thing, where getting too much water isn't good.... oh man, i'm going crazy!!! *tear* I'm almost starting to feel 'unpregnant'

This is why the baby needs to start kicking me so i can feel it in there... i can not WAIT to feel this baby moving around.....

Can i just be knocked out until the baby comes? LOL

wooo hoooo!

So the PIO shots are DONE!!! D-O-N-E!! wooo hooo! Had my last shot tonight.... man, when i think about how far we've come through this process, i gotta say i never thought i'd be 'okay' to get a big long shot in my buttock...but i have survived, although i have shed some tears...it wasn't nearly has horrible as i thought it was going to be. I'm glad to be done with the shots, but i'm also a little nervous that i'm totally relying on my body to do it's thang.....which i don't doubt it will do just perfectly.

11wks today - and the last two days i've actually been feeling 'less crappy' I don't have to eat every 1hr to feel 'okay' and i rocked some cute maternity jeans today, got some compliments on them....it felt kinda weird saying, 'thanks, they're my new maternity jeans'.... lol! Then again i wasn't sure i'd ever say those words....so i'm glad to be saying them now.

Got a home fetal heart doppler - we got it wednesday and it took me FOREVER to find MY heartbeat...so needless to say, i could not find baby's. I tried it again last night, drank some OJ and had a full bladder....it took me awhile, but i did find it....Later that night i had Hubby take a listen, since he wasn't home when i found it the 1st time. I love hearing that little heartbeat, it is the BEST sound EVER!!!! :)

1st comment....

So, today i got a comment, it was from an older lady who knows i'm expecting...but she looked at my co worker who just had a baby in October (who also dropped the baby weight and was in regular clothes by the time she came back 7 weeks later) and was like wow, look at how skinny you are and then looked at me and went, and look at how big you are! I know she means well, but really?!?!!? So of course i went to the bathroom to access my clothing situation to see really how 'big i look.' I don't think i look all that big, i mean, sure, i def. have some extra weight around the tummy area and from the side you can totally tell i'm gaining weight in the belly, but other then the 'girls' looking bigger and my belly looking a little thicker, it's not like i'm this HUGE looking person...lol. Of course now i'm all like omg, everyone probably just thinks i ate way to much over the holidays.....

I know in the great big scheme of things, this is ridiculous, but it was the 1st time someone made a comment to me about my body that made me feel like i was this huge rolly polly. I think i would feel better if i looked pregnant and not just like i ate to much over the holidays. Plus, for some odd reason i'm really having a complex about being only 10.5 weeks pregnant and already having a little belly - i'm like should i be 'showing' this early? I know every pregnancy is different, but i dunno, i know like two or three people who didn't show until like 16-17ish weeks and here i am at 10.5 feeling very comfy in maternity pants. Again, i think i'll start feeling better when i can feel the baby and then when i'm actually showing and have a cute lil' budha belly showing..... Ah the fun in between stages.... i almost feel like i want to wear a sign that says, 'no i did not eat to much over the holidays, i have a growing baby in my belly'...LOL

good thoughts needed and shots

Good thoughts needed, for a friend of mine who did a FET a month before us and ended up pregnant with twins. She's about 16-17wks and on Thrs, she found out she lost one of the twins.....the pregnancy before this one ended at 20wks, when they found out the baby had stopped growing. Needless to say they are heartbroken and scared, but trying to stay strong and focus on the twin that is still doing well. Prayers and good thoughts for my friend that they find peace and the other baby will survive and her pregnancy will be uneventful.

Sooooo, i'm still having to do the PIO shots, they will be done next week....so i have like 2 left. Anyways, the last few shots the hubby has done have hurt or really made me jump...it usually ends with me in tears....but at least the medicine is going in and i live to tell about it. Well, tonight, it didn't hurt at all, but i almost passed out!! So, hubby takes out the shot and all of a sudden, he's like "WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, you're like gushing blood"....i'm like "what?!?!?!" ....so he's like wiping it around with the alcohol wipe and has an exposed needle that he's trying not to drop while trying to stop the blood...and i'me like dude, cover it up and i start kinda getting dizzy....we get a band aid on and i go to move around and put the heating pad on and i threw the shot wrappers out and there was the blood soaked alcohol wipe and then i got really dizzy, and feeling pale and just light headed, which then led to me crying cuz i HATE HATE HATE the way it feels b4 passing out.....cuz i get scared. So, then i sit down, drink some water, eat some crackers and i'm feeling better. I'm so so so so so so so glad that the PIO shots are just about done.

Nothing much more to report. I found that if i start eating my lunch at 1030a and continue to eat every 1/2 hr -1 hr til about 3pm, i'm good to go. If i miss that 1030 window i tend to feel gross all day until i go to bed. I do my best to eat bland food, like toast...which is tasting soooooo good... i LOVE toast!! Yogurt and cheese is good too, as well as my lemon water. :) Cherry jolly ranchers are also great at keeping some of the ickyness at bay. I'm assuming this is 'my morning sickness' and that i must have a surge of hormones,which makes me feel okay too, especially since i'm stopping all my meds and i feel a tiny bit better that my body is working and doing what it needs to. I have a Dr. appointment next thrs...so i'll be double checking with the Dr. as well.

I bought a fetal heart monitor.... i know i shouldn't have cuz if i dont' hear the heartbeat i know i'm going to go crazy.....but, a friend recommended it and said she picked up her baby's heartbeat at 10.5wks....so hopefully it'll work. :) I figure it'll help ease some worries in between appointments, plus i love hearing the heartbeat. :) and then i can listen to my heart beat and hubby's and Clover's....ah the fun we can have. :) LOL!!