picture time!!

As promised.....here's some pics of my meds....

I began with just Lurpon...pretty easy....
nothing to extreme.....turn on music, clean med, clean injection site, draw up meds and inject....

Here's the rest of my meds....

This here is the Menapur and Follistim pen --fun!



This is the needles to the Lurpon, and then my Valium, my vicidin, my antibiotic and baby aspirin and my needle container....



I just realized i don't have a pic of my trigger shot set up...i'll have to do that tomorrow....

On a forum i belong to, a lot of the IVF gals have their DH's do their shots for them, mix it up and everything....my hubby is usually sleeping (we work opposite schedules)and it's just something i think is kinda weird, i mean, i'm totally capable of doing this myself...i certainly don't need an audience. I put on my music, set everything up, feel the beat of the song and poke away....so, i dunno, i don't know how to really incorporate hubby into all this, besides just showing him what i do....so, I was showing the hubby my little set up and what shots i have to do now and how much and he looked at me and said, 'thanks for doing all these shots for our baby.' awe, i just about melted....it was nice to hear him say that and acknowledge that it's hard for me to do this, but he appreciates it that i am.

Stims day 3...i get a massive, pounding headache by about 230p-3pm...i take 2 Tylenol and eat a little something and it eventually goes away. Other then that, bloating and i kinda feel like something is going on down there in Ovary land....i'll find out more tomorrow!!

Hurricane Katrina.. 5 yrs later.

I remember watching in devastation the damage and destruction that Hurricane Katrina's wrath did on the people of New Orleans and South...... It's a shame that 5 years later people are still trying to rebuild their families home.....the home that their grandparents grew up in and their parents, themselves and now their kids.... how can we continue to allow this to be going on....why isn't their more help down there, why are people continuing to have to live and pay in a temp home and still pay on their damaged home that is still getting repaired? What a shame.....

I remember crying for all the animals down South too, all the dogs and cats that were left behind ....watching video of rescues and just dogs so happy to be finally found and fed.

Our baby Clover, is a Hurricane Katrina rescue. She was found in the 2nd batch of rescue animals, which means she was found wandering the streets at the end of Sept/early October 2005...she was only a year old. It was my bday weekend Nov. 19th, a sunday and we went to the mall (Macy's a i believe) where they had rescue dogs for adoption.....we went to 'look'...and we came home with Clover. All the puppies had been adopted and there was Clover, who was laying down minding her own business or a hyper black lab who was pulling a guy all over the place....yah, after much thought and consideration.... watching a girl jump on Clover's back and pinch her and Clover just sat there.....and hearing a little girl wanting to pet Clover and her mom saying, 'no hunnie, those are 'bad' dogs.'..... Clover was meant to be ours.

Clover is a pittie mix, as in pit bull. Yah, those baby eating, turn on their owners, meanest dog breed you'll ever know pit bull. Did you know that during the Wars these dogs were the mascot? That a pit bull was one of the 1st decorated war dog? Did you know that pit bulls are actually GREAT family pets? They are loyal and quiet and want nothing more then to be loved? I realize that this breed is in the news, however, the media stigma behind the breed fails to educate people on the true disposition of the dogs..... most those dogs that attack, guess who their owners are...drug dealers, gang members, people who use this breed, to train it to be mean.......this breed is also one of the most abused.....Micheal Vick is a fine example of some of the horror these dogs go through.....watch animal cops on Animal planet and you'll see much more of the gruesome things that happen to these dogs.

It breaks my heart that Clover is judged everyday by people who allow fear and a closed mind from allowing them to get to know her. If you're lucky enough to know Clover, you know that she is super excited to see people, you can leave the room and then reappear 5 mins later and she'll greet you again like she hadn't seen you in 5 years......she wants nothing more then to be loved and a belly rub and if you happen to have a treat, she'll cover you with slobbery kisses for that too.

Clover came to us with broken teeth (most likely trying to chew through metal, or a cage to get out when the Hurricane came through), she had some missing hair on her legs (looked almost like cigarette burns) she was shaky in her confidence .....but, it didn't take her long to realize she didn't have to hid in the bushes or under cars when we went for walks during windy days.... that the rain won't hurt her and that her 'mommy' and 'daddy' will always come home...... She is wonderful and every time Hurricane Katrina annv. comes around....i am reminded of how far she has come and am so grateful she survived and was rescued and now forever will leave her pawprints on our hearts.

there's no turning back now....

Not that there was any turning back when i started the Lupron.....now that i started my stimming meds....there really is no turning back!!!

So, hubby and i went on a mini vaca up north for his bday...which then also turned into the last vaca as non-parents to humans (we have a dog that is our baby)
We made comments like..."wow, so, this time next year we might actually have two babies waking us up at 6am wanting to feed and get a change of a diaper instead of us just randomly waking up to catch a sunrise on the Lake" "just think, the next time we come up here, i might be with child or children" "are you ready for our lives to be totally changed?" "Mom, do twins need double of everything...like two cribs? two bouncy chairs? two highchairs? two strollers? two pack n plays? two diaper bags?" Anyways, all my readers are hopefully are not only going to be on the journey to parenthood, but then will also follow us through parenthood.....

So, if you didn't catch it in the 1st sentence.....i started stimming!!! So, as i wrote on friday, everything was good to go....well, Saturday AF showed up....yah, can i just say that the 'Lupron period' is strange.....

TMI WARNING.....

it's like kinda light, but kinda not...like i can wear a tampon but then i take it out and i'm like okay, decent flow....so i put a pad on at night (tampons, the regular ones, give me headaches after about 4 hrs, so i wear pads when i don't have to wear a tampon) and i never leaked onto the pad, but then wiped and i had this like slimy blood clot snot thingy...and it smells like metal...like iron...like if you've ever tasted blood, like when you've bitten ur lip or tongue....that's what it smells like...and i have that same taste in my mouth.....ew. The taste in my mouth is from the meds...so i'm assuming that's why my period smells like it too.....anyways, it's actually decent....my period, no cramps, and not enough blood for anything but a panty liner at this point...it's like all the blood comes when i wipe.....

Ok, enough TMI....

Tonight, i added Menapur and Follistim to now 5ml Lupron...i was taking 10ml Lupron.

Menapur and Follistim will stimulate my ovaries to produce eggs....lots of them....i have about 18 follies that can turn into eggs if i'm understanding this correctly.....doesn't mean i'll have 18 eggs...it just means the opportunity is there. I was told that Menapur burns...no, it does not....but the follistim sure does. I have this pen with that one, i was going to put it into my leg, i'm glad i didn't...but i'm not sure where else i can poke my gut.....not to mention the band aids that are starting to leave pink little circles where they were.....so at least i know where i had poked the other day....

Side effects are like having menopause....this should be fun...and bloat.....nice, hot and bloaty....awesome!!! Go back to the Dr. on Wednesday for more blood and another ultrasound....joy.

i think she broke my vein....

yah, the nurse lady that i have never had, the young looking nurse lady that is probably fresh out of school.....yah, i get the lady who i'm not sure she knew what she was doing.....so, i'm like great....um, just so you know...and i go into my mini speech about my aversions to needles and my body's response to either cry or pass out....but, the last 2 times i've been great. So, i'm thinking to myself...keep the arm straight....really straight, cuz that's what the one nurse who rocked at taking my blood told me last month.....um, i don't know what kind of needle this youngn' used, but i about screamed from the pain!!! it hurt SO BAD.....in my head, i was like omg, that kinda hurt....um...okay,i'm okay, it's okay...so i started humming and moving my feet a little cuz it was hurting and then i focused on the candy jar and started to say each candy and what i thought about it in my head so i wasn't thinking about the needle that was jabbing my arm and ripping apart my vein.... Well, it's now been about an 1 1/2 hrs since my blood was taken out and my vein kinda hurts....even doing this typing is kinda making my arm hurt....i think she broke my vein...lol The good news is i did not cry nor did i pass out....always a plus..... i think by the time all this is said and done, my needle phobia will be long gone....but not if this youngn' nurse keeps poking me..... i'm actually kinda nervous about coming back on wednesday and getting poked by her.... would it be totally rude to ask for another nurse to do my blood draws? i want to move forward, not backwards...forward!

Ultrasound: went perfectly...my body rocks by the way...i really should appreciate it more and really love it how it should be loved..... My lining was good, my ovaries are great and i'm just awesome. :) I was told i may or may not get a period and that i can start stims with or without it....so, that's good. I will get a call later today telling me my E2 level (estrogen) and from there hopefully directions on when and how to start my stimming meds.... then i go in on 9/1, blood work and ultrasound and then blood work and ultrasound like every other day til trigger time.....which looks to be a few days til i trigger. So, prayers of no hyperstimmulation (that is not good) and that my body continues to be awesome!!!

hit me with your best shot.....

that's the song i listen to when i'm doing my lupron shot..... lol.

So, yesterday was a bad day......i started not feeling well Tuesday and by Wednesday morning, i was crying waking up, i cried on the way to work, i cried at work in the bathroom telling myself to 'suck it up', i left around noon, cuz something clearly was off.....i cried on the way home, i cried at home.....i honestly think i was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I was running a 100.2 fever, not to high, but high enough....i ate some soup, took a Tylenol, laid in bed and actually fell asleep for about an hour (i don't do naps).....woke up and my temp was down to 98.1.... i felt 1000 times better and i think my body just needed to recharge quickly...... i stopped the BCP on monday and i think the Lupron had started to make an impact and i think since i was so nervous about the shots the week b4 and i was just go go go .....my body needed a break. Today, i feel sooooo much better and lesson learned that i need to take it easy....i can't do everything.....the dishes can be washed tomorrow, the laundry can wait til the weekend....perhaps it was a good lesson that i'm gonna just need to slow down and really listen to my body.

Soooo, i got the rest of my meds...the $3,000 and some change meds....yah..but the good news is i did get some donated meds and i just scored another 9 vials of menapur and luckily right before my order went out...soooo i get about $600 and change refund....whoo hoooo!!!! I just unpacked it all and double checked it and then i just emailed my nurse to make sure i have everything i need. I"ll take a picture of it later and hopefully post it soon here. There's a lot. I even have a handy dandy little pen...it looks scary, until i read the directions and then i thought, hmmm, that's not TOOO bad. did i mention i'm tired of being a pin cushion...speaking of which....lupron is calling my name....it's time to do my shot and put on the PJ's.....

blahish

so, maybe it's a symptom of the lupron...who knows....but today i'm super tired, like i could fall asleep right now in a second, tired.....and i'm feeling like i could cry at any second......i'm kinda feeling blah-ish... i dunno what my deal is.... i just want this so badly to work.....i'm so afraid it's not going to.... and it's not like i sit here and dwell on the neg or anything....it's just i'm still afraid it's not going to work....i don't know how i can deal with that heartache. I don't know...... emotionally i just don't think i could handle it. I just want sept to be here and me to my trigger shot already......i'm kinda over these shots....i'm over being a pin cushion....i'm just tired. i could really, really use a little cat nap right about now.....

wow!!

So, i looked at twin belly pics....and the first time i did this i was shocked at how HUGE the bellies can get...i'm like, how in the WORLD does one carry that belly around? How are they not falling over... anyways....since i'm in this "downtime" - where i'm not really doing anything but waiting...... i looked at pics again....
i'm glad i did, cuz there were some cute bellies.....and the HUGE ones were like 35+ weeks, which also made me feel better that there were a lot of ppl past 35 weeks....and granted their bellies were HUGE, at least i'd know that would be towards the end. Some where hardly showing at 15 weeks or they had these cute little baby bumps.

So, i am done with the BCP as of yesterday...so i should expect a 'bleed' sometime in the next 3-6 days which means my body will probably wait 2 weeks just cuz it can.... i have a ultrasound and b/w on Friday and that's when i will know if i should begin my stimming meds....to make those eggos!!!! :)

i'm ready to be done with this process.... i just want to be at the egg retrieval and transfer part, i want to be getting my beta, which will hopefully be positive, i would love to have a healthy pregnancy and healthy delivery and baby(ies)
I just want this so badly, i just hope it goes perfectly.....ya know.

patience, young grasshopper....patience.....

Day 3 - Lupron and other ramblings....

So, tonight was lucky shot #3........no problems. No side effect yet...i don't think. I do have a slight headache that's just kinda in the background, but i'd have that since a few days after taking BCP....i do notice that since taking the Lupron, i get kinda a pain in my shoulder...don't know if it's related or not, but it's never a problem, but like i slept on it weird or something....i don't know how to explain it and it only lasts like 1 second...... maybe it was because i was kinda nervous and tense leading up to my first shot....and now the muscle has relaxed. I am feeling bloated....much more tonight then yesterday.....and i just read about a lady who gained a TON of weight on Lupron and hasn't lost it....G.R.E.A.T....not cool. Oh, i do have one side effect -dizziness...just here or there, basically if i move too fast...but it's nothing bad. So, i'm not suppose to be extreme working out cuz the endorphins mess with the drugs...but i walked in place and lifted weights for about 45mins while watching a Made for Lifetime movie about a couple in IN in 1993 who gave birth to the 1st sextuplets..... yeah..and then i had to give myself a shot and i'm like oh man....please, please, please no 6 babies.....i mean, obviously, i'll be more then happy....but 6 is pushing it just a little bit....LOL.

Anyways..i also found this on a forum i was 'lurking' on....
Lord, Give me Strength...

·To keep my cool when another period starts.

·To keep my chin up when a co-worker announces her pregnancy.

·To have a good relationship with my friend in spite of her ability to conceive easily and not be jealous of her.

·To endure my sister-in-law's comments about toilet training.

·To keep from crying when I see children begging on the roads.

·To forgive my doctor when he keeps me waiting for two hours for a consultation - and then can't remember my name.

·To make the right decision about treatment.

·To maintain a good relationship with my husband in spite of all this.

I bolded the ones that apply to me. Perhaps the others applied when we first began this infertility journey, but i am just so happy when ppl can get pregnant, that i'm not jealous, i'm not bitter..... i am truly happy for them....and i think it has to do with what we have been through that i don't want others to go through it if they don't have to....it's a hard road to walk along.

It's helpful to remember the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr. " God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Indeed, this creed i have recited numerous times along this road.....

Infertility is...

·Watching your husband playing with your friend's baby and wishing you could give him one of his own. (yah, i have done this when he plays with my niece and nephew or his cousin's kids.....but i hope that reality comes very soon)

·Telling nurses to please take blood from your right arm because the veins in your left arm are all gone because of all the IVs you've had. (haven't done this yet, but i've been warned it's coming once i start stimming)

·Avoiding people you haven't seen for a long time because you don't want to hear the question, "Do you have any kids yet?". (i wouldn't avoid, but i always wish i had a great comeback....i try very hard not to ask ppl this, just in case they too are struggling in silence)

·Feeling very left out when your friends start comparing their pregnancy or childbirth experiences. (yup, this has happened --i don't really mind it, cuz i can learn things, but sometimes it can be a bit much)

·Feeling like the whole town is pregnant except for you. (or the whole universe)

·Getting tired of people always expecting you to do things because "you don't have any kids to worry about". (unfort. this too has happened)

·Waking up in the middle of the night and wishing you could hear your baby crying. (yah, i beg to differ....i wouldn't mind a baby cooing)

·Wishing you could give your parents grandchildren. (YUP)

·Wanting to fall apart if one other person says, "Why don't you adopt?" or "just relax, it'll happen when you don't think about it." Easy, right? (oh yeah, i hated the old, 'just relax' song and dance...cuz then when i try to say i am relaxed then it looks like i'm really not....but i really am!! LOL)

cry baby!!!

Yup, i'm a cry baby..... so, i'm waiting around for 8pm to show so i can begin my shot. So, i watch the handy dandy shot video so i know i'm doing it right, hubby reminds me how to hold the needle and such....so i get all ready. I'm standing in the kitchen, i get the shot ready and i pintch my stomach and i'm ready to do it and i start bawling....like shoulder shaking crying....and i'm like 'i don't want to do this..' and poppa monkey says, 'i know, but you have to, think about what we're trying for, a baby.' and i'm like 'i know, but i don't want to give myself shots.' and poppa monkey's all like 'it's easy, just stick in there....1...2...3...go!!" and i'm crying, 'i can't do this, i can't do it..you have to' and his eyes pop wide open and he's like 'dude, you have to do it, what if i'm not here.' and i'm like 'ok, i CAN do this, let's do it, i can do it'.....and i go and the needle wouldn't go in.. i'm like, 'it won't go in, turn on some music'....so, poppa monkey gets all flustered that i'm not doing it right and goes to grab the needle and i'm like 'i'll do it, just stop talking, stop telling me it's easy...you're not the one about to stick urself with hormones that you don't know how ur body is going to react to.' so, he leaves....and i do it. It didn't even hurt.....i was like, dude, it didn't hurt, i did it....i was so nervous about how much it would hurt....that i felt so stupid that i was so upset about it......and it didn't even hurt.

So, for day 1- no changes, a little bloated, but i think that's from the BCP.....still feeling 'normal'

scared.....

yup, that's me....scared. I start my Lupron shots tomorrow night 8pm......and i'm scared. I'm not soooo scared about the needles anymore...but i am scared that i'm screwing with my body.
I may not have always gotten a period every month or had perfect length cycles, but i know i ovulate and so far medically speaking....i'm totally fine. But, i've never been pregnant....so, i don't know if i can.

I"m scared about that, about what if there's something wrong with me that they haven't found yet...... i'm scared that i'm going to royally screw up my body.... i'm scared how the hormones will effect me.... i'm scared either i'll over stimulate or i won't stim enough.....

I know that in the end, everything will be worth it....i know this, but i still feel like i have the right to be afraid...... and twins....

I'm scared about really, seriously, having twins....and i think it's more about the pregnancy then actually the twins themselves..... i'm afraid of pre-term labor, i'm afraid of having to go on bedrest and not being able to work,i'm afraid of complications with twin pregnancies/births....i'm afraid....but again, i know that we would be double blessed..... and if we did wind up with twins and i got to choose the gender...i'd totally be okay with a boy/girl twins......

I'm just afraid..... i don't know how i'm going to be able to give myself a shot tomorrow....thinking about it makes my stomach tighten up and i get all nervous....
So i think i'm gonna try a 'reward' system.....taking ideas now....

lalalalalalallala

I'm just lalaing around in BCP land.....actually, i've gotten some mild headaches and today i was kinda feeling icky...i'll assume it's from those tiny lil' pills...dang them! I can't wait to stop taking them... 2 more weeks.

So, i got my first package of shots.....Lupron. I start that on Tuesday......i'm really nervous about the shots....i mean, i know they're just the tiny little insulin type needles, but me and needles just don't get along. I've decided i'm taking my meds at 8pm......i'm suppose to take it between 6-10pm, so i figured smack dab in the middle would be great, plus it will give me time to be sure i'm home from work i can do low impact exercising and be all ready for bed.... Not sure how i'm going to do the shots yet...if i'll watch tv and just poke myself or if i'll play some music so i can sing along and poke.... i know, i'm probably way over thinking this, but if i think about it and have a 'plan', then i feel 'more in control'...even though i'm really not.....looking through the meds and handling the sealed needles and the needle container kinda made my forearms hurt...... i know weird, but that's what happens....that's how it begins.... my forearms hurt where they usually put needles and i gotta bend them and move them and then i start to feel kinda weird......not really light headiness, but like i'm starting to go underwater.....and then my breathing changes and then my legs tingle and usually by then, i'm getting dizzy, i'm clammy, my ears start ringing and i'm about ready to pass out.....

I'm hoping after i do one, that the rest will be a breeze........

So, Lupron...basically this prevents the LH surge, which prevents the releasing of FSH and LH which release eggs..... side effects:hot flashes, nausea, vomiting, fluid retention, muscle aches and headaches...... AWESOME...i'm going to be a sweaty, swollen, sore, nauseous person.....in the 100 degree HUMID weather we are having.....Awe.Some!!!!

just call me Mrs. clean...

So, i think i'm nesting....... LOL!! I mean, pregnant ladies nest b4 baby comes....i think i'm nesting b4 i go under and get pregnant.....
Like i've mentioned before, it's amazing what will get finished when you realize that it probably won't get done when you're pregnant and def. won't get to when baby comes.....so it's best to get it done now. And it feels AMAZING to get it done...finally...who knew that the talk of baby and pregnancy could light fires under our butts....


My new favorite thing this week that we..err..i mean I purchased...a rolling dog food container... yes, this little fantastic storage container is the
BEST.THING.EVER!!! I LOVE IT!!! I got it cuz i always lug the dogs
food over by her bowl and then lug it back and what's better then
a rolling food container that i requires no lifting....whoo hooo!!!
(yes, i realize i could just walk the dog food bowl over to the bag of food, but this fancy little container on wheels not only allowed me to go shopping BUT i had a coupon!!)

Off to find some more things to clean and organize.....

special tiny pills...

or birth control pills...whatev. Hubby refers to them as the special tiny pills....like they're magic or something. lol.

So we got accepted into the IVF program!! YEAH!! That's like a million tons of large boulders leaving my shoulders!!!! I feel so much less anxious and nervous..... this program will allow us to do 3 IVF and 3 FET....and if those don't work...we get at least 70% of our money back....now, obviously we pay more, but it's only like a $5,000 difference from the other package were u don't get ur money back and u only get 2 IVF and 2 FET(frozen embryo transfer) Soooooo....yeah on that!!!

Went to meet with the nurse today...... and i don't have to do any LARGE muscle-anna-nicole-smith style shots!!! whooo hoooo...i will not be getting an infected abscess in my butt and die. Instead i get to insert a wonderful little depository 3x's a day and probably leak blue icky stuff out the va-jay-jay....whooo hooo.... but, i'd rather look like i'm peeing out smurfs then possibly get an infection in my butt. So, win-win. :)

It was weird, walking into the office....it was packed with couples....and the sad thing was, is we were all there for the same reason...we want children and we needed some medical intervention...it also made me feel not so alone....like we were all part of this secret society or something.... The looks you give the other females, like i know your pain, your heartache, your dreams and hopes for future children.... I just wanted to know why everyone was there....Male factor or female issues or both? I almost thought to ask everyone to raise their hands up....but i resisted. There was one couple who left and it looked like she just had a retrieval ...sippin' on her ginger ale. Another couple was their and was signing in for their transfer.... it's just crazy...to know you're not alone....all these young couples trying to make a baby.

Soooo, i started BCP today...and i stop taking them the 22nd and we're looking at a possible transfer like Sept 7,8 or 9th!!! OMG!! That's like a month away....like 4 weeks!!! 30 days!!! OMG!!! CRAZY!

I think the best part of our conversation with the nurse was this...
me:Sooooo, can we still have intercourse?
hubby:chuckles
nurse: sure, if you want to have some ROMANCE, you can, BUT you have to use a barrier contraceptive.
me: chuckles...rriiigghhhttt

Yah, cuz ya know it's been almost 3 years....no baby yet...i HIGHLY doubt we're gonna wind up pregnant now...but all she had to say was triplets and the hubby can go get those condoms.... :)

Apparently, even though we're using BCP,when i stop them, i'm injecting my body with hormones to produce eggs, and lots of them and one could fall off and we could get pregnant and not know and they do the transfer and put 2 eggs in there, not knowing there is already a baby growing and then we could have triplets..... yah, so we won't be taking that chance...nope, not at all!!! seriously, no triplets for this lady.

wow...so i got this little calendar with stickers and such...fun!!! so i'm totally going to fill it out....how exciting.

Oh man, i really, really hope it works out the first time...

package and pics

So, i got my package of clothes i ordered from Old Navy....is it bad that 3/5 items were maternity items? I can't believe i'm admitting i bought maternity clothes b4 i'm even pregnant.....

I really do have a great explanation as to why someone who is NOT pregnant would even consider, let alone buy maternity clothes.....but here goes....when i start the shots, i've heard you get SUPER bloated...like your little walnut sized ovaries get blown up to grapefruit sized....sooooo.....yeah. I'm worried about it, the bloating and the clothes not fitting, so when i had to get 'cleared' from the fertility clinic's therapist to begin IVF (apparently all patients have to) i talked about the bloat....so she suggested i buy a pair of pants a size bigger ....great idea...not sure she meant maternity pants, but whatever works....personally, the size bigger pants just do that, they look like i'm wearing to big of pants, where the maternity pants are my size just no buttons!!! Then Old Navy was having a sale on pants and i thought, what if i got those 'real waist' pants.....i'm ALL about the comfy-ness!! So, i ended up with a cheap pair of pants, although not real waist, it's the roll down panel...so i thought whatever...i'll just roll it down...i got them today and they totally don't even look like maternity pants...sweet! and the bonus is i can wear them while pregnant!!! :)

Then i got 2 tops.....one i REALLY REALLY LOVE! let's see if i can get some pictures loaded....

Oh yeah and i went in for my ultrasound and bloodwork...got a call this afternoon that all is well and she faxed on over my paperwork to apply for the program we are hoping for....fingers crossed.....we should probally know sometime friday or early next week.....

Seriously, i LOVE this shirt, i even got it in that color...it looks a little weird in the picture, but seriously, you CAN NOT tell it's a maternity top....it's just so cute....


I got this one in black, what i like is that since it's made for maternity, it's a little bigger and longer in the stomach area so i kinda can bunch it up around my waist and you can't tell if i'm bloated......ah, i love black for that reason..


I am thinking about getting this top, since i'd imagine that it's probably a little looser in the stomach area and i can wear it with a cardigan....



These three shirts are just shirts i think are WAY TO CUTE!!!! i am totally buying them once i'm preggers!!! One thing i have promised myself is NO BLACK (minus the one black tshirt from above) during pregnancy.....for once in my life i don't have to hide my stomach...i get to show it off, so i will...believe me i WILL!!! And i am going to look cute doing it ...darn it!!!

YIPPIE!!!! AF has arrived.... so that means i am on CD1 (cycle Day) Tomorrow, Wednesday, i go in for my ultrasound and bloodwork. Then my 'nurse' will finish the application for the program we are applying for and PLEASE PLEASE CROSS ur fingers we get it!!!! and then we meet with the nurses' on Friday morning and then i'm suppose to start BCP on CD5....which is saturday.

HOLY COWS!!! i can't believe how fast this is moving..... i mean, this is it, we're finally doing this.....we're going to have a baby!!!! It's just so surreal...
I was kinda bummed...like when you are graduating high school bummmed yesterday (i started to spot last night) that this was our last chance to concieve naturally and it didn't work.....kinda like sad to leave that part but excitied for what the future holds..... I can't believe we're actually going to have a baby.....gosh i really really hope and pray IVF works....

getting ready...

for baby.... On a positive side to planning on when you are going to get pregnant.... it helps you get all the things done around the house that you have been just pushing aside. We have this main wall that goes from our downstairs family room to our main level to our upstairs loft and i finally painted it....like 2 months ago....and well, the big part of the wall that's all stairs....i can't really reach and i ran out of paint...soooooooo..... i was telling poppa monkey all the things i can not do while pregnant....such as painting, cleaning the bathtubs or bathrooms, scrubing floors, basically all i can do is sit on the couch and watch tv...LOL....okay, okay, i can stand and watch tv.... no, but i did tell him i will need his help to finish the wall(he hates painting) so we can get it done b4 sept....cuz i can not paint while pregnant. Yeah, so i might also use the pregnancy thing to my advantage...sorry hun, it's -10 degrees out, that's way too cold for the baby in my belly..... ugh, its raining, i could slip on the sidewalk when walking the dog, sorry babe, you'll have to walk her.... lol.... And then i was telling him about a scrapbooking retreat me and some of my best scraps girls are planning in Nov....and he's all ....what? you can not go, you can not take my unborn child that far away....lol, he was very cute about it .....we had some good laughs about it... and i'm planing a party in Dec and i'm like wow, i might be pregnant then, i wonder if i'll have the engery to host a party.... or we have to do this by sept or we should go there b4 sept....it's crazy...this time next year, we could have a baby....
I know that being pregnant that the world does not stop....but, if the IVF works and i'm pregnant.....seriously, i really don't think i'm going to be doing much until i'm well into my 2nd trimester......we've been through so much and spent so much time and money for this...... realisticly, i know i can do nothing and something might still go wrong...but i guess, i'd feel better if i was just more low key and realxed then always on the go....know what i mean?

oh and the best thing about getting ready for baby.......we buckled down and paid off our last credit card!!!!!! It was the best feeling in the world to pay that off...so now we have no more credit card debt!!! woooooo hooooo!

Sunday night thoughts....

1st - I am hotter then hot right now....so i can only think that means the witch is hopefully on her way..... ever since doing acupuncture, i don't really get cramps, but i get hot....and i used to get really hot b4 my period back in High school too...i guess we'll see... okay, onto some more random thoughts...

the witch has not showed her face yet. She is now going on 5 days late..and no i am not pregnant... i really, really wished i was...but alas, i am not...i have taken numerous hpt just to be sure...still stark white... but she can come anytime now...i thought for sure i'd be on BCP by now...but no....

I am going to call the fertility clinic tomorrow, cuz we're suppose to have our nurse's meeting Friday, but i don't know if i'm suppose to have started BCP and gotten my period b4 then..... la te da!