So, it's been awhile...sorry about that. Just the emotions that go along with the whole fertility struggle and honestly, been super busy. So, we met shortly after my test with the IVF dr....everything with me still looks great....so IVF it is.
Of course, insurance still doesn't cover IVF so i'm not sure how we're going to do this. If people thought i was stressed before....now i'm REALLY stressed out about this....how does a couple do this? How do you gather up $30,000 to spend on something that may or may not work. Unfort. due to the sperm morphology issue, we'll probably have to do more then one IVF, so we'd do a pkg program... This whole thing is crazy.
Sometimes i think this is God's way of showing us that we're just not meant to have kids. I just don't think trying to have kids should be this difficult....i just don't know what the right answer or decision is. There's a part of me that wants to cycle this year...do an egg transfer by September and if that doesn't work, another in November/December. I dunno...and then another part of me thinks i'm just being to impatient with it all, but then i think my goodness, i've been patiently waiting for 2.5 years to have a child!!!!! How much longer do i have to be patient for? And then i think maybe we should wait til i'm 35 and then i can qualify for a study and get free IVF cuz i'd be 'old' in the reproductive field.....yes, a women's odds of conceiving 35+ becomes much lower and harder.
I don't want to rush it, but at the same time i don't want to sit around twirling my thumbs on it either....i mean, i'm not getting any younger. i just always thought i'd be done having kids by the time i was 30 and now all my friends are having their kids and i would love my kids to grow up with them too.....
Today i'm just so over it.....if God wants me to surrender and throw up the white flag, i'm just about there.....i think no matter what there's always going to be a part of me that will ALWAYS just have hope -hope for miracles..... People beat the odds all the time....why can't we?
