I'm a snob...

So, i think i'm a total ultrasound snob. I don't mean to be, it's just the fertility clinic has totally spoiled us....and yes, i'm totally blaming them!! :)

So, i went for a ultrasound yesterday at the regular obgyn's office...they did the ultrasound on the outside....and can i just say that it sucked!! I couldn't even see the baby, i had NO IDEA what i was looking at, i couldn't see the heart beating right away, i couldn't even tell there was a baby in there..... of course the ultrasound tech was all, oh there's an arm, there's it's fingers, oh there's the bones in it's face...i'm like, um, where are you seeing all this....totally disappointed. I even apologized to my mom, who we brought along so she could see the baby, and i was like sorry mom, that ultrasound totally sucked. LOL.... The good thing is i did eventually see the heartbeat and pointed it out to my mom and then the baby had hiccups. It was so cute!!! Also the clot is getting way smaller, so that's good. Anyways, she gave me a picture of the blurry, fuzzy, dark blob that's suppose to be my baby and i compared to my last weeks ultrasound at the clinic and it's totally night and day, the clinic's is super clear, i mean last week i saw the baby's little nubby fingers doing the robot....this week i barely could make out the baby.... so, it's official - i am an ultrasound snob. I seriously was about to ask the tech if we could just do an internal one, cuz i wanted to see my baby. :)

So, next appointment in two weeks, probably won't get another ultrasound then, which will be weird that i won't see the baby til we find out the gender.....

i've really have gotten a whole new appreciation for the amazing journey that a baby takes... i mean, we've seen our baby from the moment it was an embyro...all the way to a day before 10 weeks. We've seen it start from a yolk sac to a tiny flickering beating heart alien looking thing to a tiny little baby doing the robot and having hiccups. It it just amazing to watch a baby grow into life....... and to think that all this in such a short amount of time.

I'm 10 weeks today, officially in double digits and i am so happy. I've been crying lately (thanks hormones)for no reason...but today, i have a reason....when i think about how far we've come and everything we've been through. From the cold winter night 2 days before Christmas in 2008 when we were told we'd never have children, to all the testing I had to under go in 2009 and all the pain, the anger, the confusion, the hurt.... that Hubby and i have come out stronger and to making that decision up north sitting on the dock with my parents that IVF was the way we were going to go so we could have a family, all those tears for what was lost, but also all the smiles and happiness for what was to come. The anger when i had to give myself daily shots, but also the hope for being pregnant and having a family. The heartbreak and devastation when the 1st round didn't work, the low blow that we felt that made it hard to breathe. To the realization that we can try again and working together to make it a reality to the pure and raw indescribable emotion of happiness and pure bliss we felt when we got the call that we were indeed pregnant. To all the emotions felt since then - nervousness, happiness, scared, confused, worried, joy.....to today, knowing that i've made it to 10 weeks....i am almost done with 1st trimester and i can NOT wait to feel this baby moving....that moment will be amazing.

FFRRREEEDDDOOOMMMMM

That's right ya'all, i have some freedom!!! no more stuck in bed 24/7....i can actually move down to the couch and lay there all day if i so choose....lol. I can also walk around a bit more, like doing more of my job and not just having to sit there with my feet up. I can also go out to the movies if i want to or go out to dinner at a restaurant. I can also do the dishes, and put them away...as long as they are not too heavy. I can not take the dog out and i can not vacuum yet. I also can not work out/walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I still have to take it easy and i have to use common sense --the Dr said that basically everything i do is magnified... a normal pregnancy wouldn't need so many restrictions, but mine does since i'm a IVF patient and i'm a bit more delicate. We got to hear the heartbeat on the little Doppler thingy (from the outside) took him awhile and he said we might not hear it, but we sure did hear that little heart beating away....it was so cool. I go in Thurs for a ultrasound so they can check the clot and then we get to peak at the baby...i'm bringing my mom since she's never seen a real live ultrasound, since they didn't do that much when i was born. She's pretty stoked about it, i'm sure she'll cry. Dr said he'll probably check the clot again in 2 week to make sure it's still getting smaller....I was like sweet! I thought i wouldn't see the baby til like 20 weeks....but hearing the heartbeat makes me feel so much better knowing that the baby is in there just floating around.

I think i lost my morning sickness....not that i'm sure that's what i had to begin with, but it sounds like it was a slight version of it. It tends to hit around the lunch hour, so i've been making sure that i snack around 1030 and have a orange about 11am and then eat a lunch and either another orange about an hour after lunch or some cheese, and that's been helping to not make it come..... so now that i wrote that down, i'm sure tomorrow it's going to come in full force.

Other then that -i've been feeling really great. I'm tired a little bit more and i'm sure i will be until i gain some strength back and start slowly getting into the swing of things. Hubby is still not comfortable with me doing more things, i think he really wanted the Dr to say that i can't do anything but lay in bed....but alas, the Dr did not and i wanted hubby to hear it from the Dr that i can do some more things, but i still have to take it easy and use common sense...... i do feel a little better that i get to not be stuck in bed all day....

wrapping paper, bows and babies

Wow, i can't believe 2010 is almost over and that Christmas has just passed. I can truly say i have been given the best gift ever this Christmas, a growing baby...truly a miracle and gift from God.

Appointment went well....baby is looking like a baby now...so freakn' cute. It even did a little robot dance...it has little nubby hands and we saw some legs and feet (2 legs, 2 feet) and it was just amazing....squirming around and being all cute. HR 183. Clot is getting smaller, the width is getting smaller faster then the length, but as long as it's getting smaller. Stopping the suppos. this week and then just continue the PIO shots til Jan...

Feeling emotional lately, the last few days i just start crying for no reason...like on Christmas, my cousin got me a book for the baby, and i was reading it and just started to think about the baby and how far we've come and everything we've been through and then i started crying..... and today, i was watching a movie with the hubby and i just started crying cuz i was thinking about the baby and just wanted to make sure the baby was doing well and i want to get some of my life back, but i am so worried about the baby and just wanting it to be doing so well.... I don't know if it's cuz i know i won't be checking in on it every week anymore and i'm just getting worried or what, but i just want to know my baby is safe and growing and doing well....i just want to get further along and feel the baby moving around. I just want this bloodclot to be healed and gone and i just would love for the rest of the pregnancy to be non eventful.....

I hope you all have a very Merry and blessed Christmas!!

seriously?

Ugh, i think i'm getting morning sickness.....today. So, the last few weeks i'd say that if i didn't eat every few hours then i'd start to feel icky....once i ate, it was fine. Well, today......i ate some lunch and then started to feel icky while i was eating, so then i thought well, i'll just eat a little more and see if that helps....well it did for about 2 seconds and then i felt icky again....and it last all freakn day... until i ate a ice cream cone from McDonald's....and then i felt much better. Strange. I'm feeling okay now too that i've had some pizza, which i was also really wanting while i was getting the ice cream cone.... so, i dunno what it is...i'm assuming it's 'morning sickness' starting to kick in..... best make sure i bring an orange to work tomorrow in case it kicks in again...this won't be fun....but i guess i can't really complain...i always wanted to be pregnant and i guess sometimes 'morning sickness' is just part of that process.....
Ultrasound tomorrow, i'm super excited and i wonder what baby will look like....and then close out with the fertility clinic...i'm actually kinda sad, i really like the Dr and the nurses.....and i don't like change. But, i'm also excited to work with my reg. obgyn... One day, one moment at a time.

still laying here....

You'd think with all this bed rest going on, i'd be posting here more and getting those photos up here, but the problem is...i'm upstairs and the camera is downstairs...also, have you ever tried typing on a laptop, laying down and making sure the laptop was not on your belly area....yeah, fun times.

Anyhoo....well, last week we were told the clot is getting smaller, so we've been instructed to continue doing what we were doing......ugh. I'm still eating yucky yams and drinking OJ by the gallons.....oranges are my new favorite snack and tomato's are pretty tasty too.

Being pregnant and being on bed rest don't really go together.....although if it means i'll have a normal, healthy pregnancy from here on out, by all means i'll do it....but i could not even begin to imagine having to be on full bed rest at like 21 weeks....super duper hard. My hubby's cousin was put on hospital bed rest towards the end of her pregnancy and she told me do what i have to so i can stay home....def. don't have to tell me twice.

The negative thing about being on bed rest is that i literally eat and lay down..... the only movement i do is when i get up to go to the bathroom....sooooo needless to say, i'm starting to freak out a little about weight gain. I don't know if i have gained weight, but i'm pretty sure i have since i'm just plan out non-active..... all the books i've read have been like you should not gain weight in 1st trimester....great...that went right out the window....plus i have a sister who is 19weeks along and she barely has a bump...so of course she'll get to stay active and skinny during pregnancy...i get to be non-active and turn into a rolly pollie. I know our pregnancies are different, just like our body types are totally different, but still...for once i would like some good body things to happen...ya know. I know, i have no right to complain about anything pregnancy related..... but this is my one area that is really hard for me... i mean, i would not trade places with anyone, because even if i am going to be a rolly pollie, at least it means i'm pregnant. But, i just don't want to get overly huge.....and i know some of that comes from people going to compare me and my sister, since we're both pregs at the same time...but, i hope they won't judge tooo much... i mean, if i could at least walk a few times a week and lift weights, i'd feel sooo much better about things...but i can't....and i know it won't last forever....it's only temporary and if i have to take it easy my whole pregnancy, then so be it...i know i can work out after baby comes.....ugh.

yams are

so disgusting..... i can not stand them and gag every time i have to put them in my mouth.... tonight, we tried puree them and mixing with scrambled eggs....ugh, still gross...no amount of ketchup covered their nasty taste up...

now that that's out...... had a follow up apt today...... drum roll....
baby's heart beat 155! It's a girl!!! LOL - there's that old wives tale that says anything above 140 is a girl, below is a boy. So, today it's a girl...or it's just from all that stinking' OJ i've been drinking....lol
Baby was looking strong and great...it was the most amazing little blob... this weekend i'm hoping to get pictures of all the pictures we've gotten...it's really amazing to see the lil' guy grow... we also heard the heartbeat again....seriously, that is just such an amazing sound.....truly, such a wondrous amazing thing that God has allowed us to create life...to hear the beating heart, to know i have life inside me, that this is not about me or the hubby, that our lives are going to change in a short 7 months....i have a life growing and changing and fighting for life....amazing!!!
The other good news is that although the clot is still there, it is smaller...yeah! She said my uterus looked very happy today ...last week my uterus was VERY angry... and no contraction either, the baby has lots of room to move around...woot!
So, restrictions at work and bed rest when i'm not at work are continued until the clot is gone...it's working, so we're told to stick to it. I have one more follow up with the fertility clinic, next week and then i'm released to my obgyn. Which i'll have that apt at the end of the month already...cool.
I'm still on endometrim supps. and PIO shots til at least the beginning of Jan...that's when the placenta will take over and that will make progesterone for my body....the ovaries are suppose to be doing that, but because we suppressed them, that's why i'm on the suppos and PIO shots.
So, here's hoping next week the clot is even smaller and the baby continues to be awesome and strong and grow.... :)
Thank you all for your positive thoughts and prayers sent out to the universe...they are working...

we have a heartbeat...again

Had my follow up and here’s what we’ve got—

A growing baby, who’s heart rate has increased and is perfect….. my due date is about July 30th or Aug 1st. I'm measuring 6wks 4days, which is just perfect.

Concerns: I have quite the subchronic bleed- which caused the bleeding on Saturday. Basically, it will either continue to come out or will be reabsorbed, the good news is that it has clotted, so it’s not an active bleed. I am to drink lots of OJ, eat oranges, tomatoes and yams. I am on pelvic rest and limited bed rest.

I also have a tiny uterine contraction – which could be from all the freakn' stress and activity that’s going on in there.

Geez….i can’t wait to get into 2nd trimester….but, one day, one moment at a time…

So, please continue the good thoughts and prayers that the baby continues to stay strong and all this stuff clears up.

7 hours at the ER.....

that's how i spent my Saturday morning and early afternoon. If you don't want to read the gory details...then i'd suggest you skip the main part and start reading at the end by the astrick....
So, i began brown spotting on tuesday, told it could be the meds...no big deal...blah blah blah...went and saw that we had ONE baby growing up in there on wednesday....spotting had pretty much tapered off...well, thrs PM and friday i started spotting brown again...but this time it was staying on my panty liner...nothing major, but it was def. on the panty liner. Friday PM put in my med b4 bed and didn't have anything on the applicator and nothing when wiped ...great, i thought, it's going away...yeah! I woke up at 1am on Saturday, peed and nothing on the TP when i wiped...again, thought awesome. Then at just about 5am, i woke up with pressure/discomfort in my bum and thought maybe i had to poop...nope, just peed and passed gas...then i wiped and there was red on the TP...a lot, then i turned around and looked in the toilet and more red....i thought, okay, well, if i'm miscarrying, there's nothing a dr can do...i'll just lay down.... Keep in mind we had a huge snow storm going on at this time as well...and i HATE driving in the snow. So, i laid down going back and forth in my head if i should 1-call the hubby, 2-go to the ER or 3-just stay home. I wasn't cramping, so i thought okay, well, i'm def. NOT cramping....about a 1/2 hr later i ended up having to pee again and this time i felt the blood coming out, i looked on the floor and there was some blood on the floor from the 1st time that i had looked in the toilet....i cleaned that up, put on a pad and decided i needed to go to the ER, i thought maybe i tore something on the inside and i was slowly going to bleed to death. I thought about calling 911, but i was like well, i don't feel light headed or anything...so i should be able to drive myself. I called the hubby who was at work and told him i was going to the ER. So, off i went driving about 10 mph....surprisingly, i was relatively calm, i cried off and on and i talked to the baby and i did A LOT of prayers to God. I got to the ER around 615am, and as soon as i was there, i lost it, i just started balling....the nurses were soooo sooo nice to me..... it really made all the difference. One nurse was like i did fertility treatments too and bleed the whole 9 months and i'm like omg, that totally blows. Another nurse said that a lot of women will bleed during pregnancy and everything will be okay. I got into a room and they took a urine sample and blood work.... i was there for about an hour b4 the hubby was able to get there from work....and then we waited....about 8/9am, they sent me for a ultrasound, which i needed a full bladder for....after 3 trips to the bathroom, the ultrasound tech was like yah, your bladder is still full...okay, seriously, did it shrink or something? If i was worried i was dehydrated, at least i knew i wasn't..... anyways, they did an external ultrasound...so fun when you have a full bladder and then she did an internal ultrasound...she spent a good 15min or longer (at least that's how long it felt) with each ultrasound....lots of clicks and such, i couldn't see the screen though....hubby could see it...and this lady told us NOTHING...i'd ask questions, and she's be like well, i'm not a dr, i can't say anything. The hubby recognized the baby from the ultrasound on weds. and was like oh, is that the yolk sac and the lady did say yes. So, i relaxed a little cuz i knew there was def. something still in there....then i heard a dathumpdadumpdathump...and she said, that was your babies heartbeat. I still get teary thinking about that moment.....the 1st time we got to hear our babies heartbeat.....it truly was such an amazing beautiful sound...i will never forget that moment....and of course i cried, but they were happy tears cuz knowing we had a heartbeat, when just 3 days before we could see it...oh, it made me feel a little better. So, then we waited some more, played charades to kill some time and then the Dr came and and said that we did have a live baby and it had a heartbeat, however he said that it was slow, and although it is normal for a baby to have a slow heartbeat sometimes, as some babies just do, because i had the bleeding, he was concerned. He then did an internal examine to make sure my cervix was closed and it was. The on call dr for the fertility clinic called us back and basically said that 2 out of 3 FET patients will have bleeding and 95% of those pregnancies turn out normal. He was not concerned with the heart rate and stated that as long as their was a fetal heart rate it didn't matter what it was, it was there and i needed to follow up with the office on monday. So, that's what i'll be doing 1st thing i wake up tomorrow. I'd say the bleeding finally stopped after awhile and by like 11amish or a little earlier it was turning pinkish when i wiped....but no new blood on my pad, which the nurse checked a few times.... at one point she was like, is this okay that your husband is here while we do this, and i'm like uh, yeah, at this point, he's seen it all....Man, i am so over my vagina....i don't know how i'm going to handle being in labor pains and having drs and nurses sticking their hands up there...ugh. So....no cause of the bleeding....it did taper off b4 i left and i put myself on bed rest. It has tapered off to a dark brown now, no new red blood though, so that makes me feel better....i am spotting now, and sometimes when i wipe there's really nothing on the TP, which makes me feel better too. My HCG level did go up...so that made me feel better too.

++So, heard the sweetest sound ever, which is our little baby's heartbeat and hcg level did go up, bleeding stopped and has now tapered off to brown spotting. No cramping or any pain. and my hubby wins the bestest hubby ever award for catering to my every need... i love him and appreciate him taking care of everything so i don't have to worry about it. He deserves some serious vacation time... :)

For the praying type, please pray for our baby, that it's safe and growing and it's little heart is continuing to beat...thank you!!

ew

So, ever since i became pregnant - i think i'm starting to turn into a germaphobe. Seriously. I went to the court house yesterday and all i could think about was how gross and nasty and germy the place was.... i REALLY really wished i had had my hand santizer....all i was thinking was omg, my poor baby porkchop is going to get sick.... yikes..what's going to happen when they are here, and exposed to such germs? ugh. 5 more days and then we see our baby again and hopefully a beautiful heartbeat. The brown bleeding as started up again, and now it's ending up on my pantyliner.... i'm thankful that it's brown still and i don't have any cramping....
I just hope my bean is doing okay in there and growing away like crazy.

Please continue the prayers and good thoughts that my baby is doing awesome and that we see a heartbeat!

HPTs

And here's the tests....the last one being on 11/30, in the PM - i love that the test line is super darker then the control line....woot!




and for those of you wondering..... We have ONE cute lil' bean growing up in my womb... Once i take that picture i'll upload it.... next week we go in for another ultrasound and hopefully see the heartbeat.