Wednesday, September 29, 2010
new begining....
so had our apt today.... basically i make great eggs and we still have a sperm issue. I responded well to the protocol he put me on and he was happy with the way i responded. Said i did have some fluid in the abdomen, but didn't overstimulate, that's just from producing so many eggs (good thing i drank all that Gatorade!! - when you have OHSS you're suppose to drink gaterade and eat salty snacks) So, we'll do a FET (frozen embryo transfer) next -- not sure when we'll do it, we have holiday's coming up, my birthday and Christmas...soooo.....we dunno. We'll see what happens.... no answers really for what happened....as expected... but basically all was well, it's just natures way....
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
stronger....
as brittany spears sings in her song Stronger...... "well, i'm stronger then yesterday"..... yup....that i am or i'm still happy with Glee tonight and the ending..... i love finn and rachel!!....
I got a message from a friend who pointed out that i should be proud of myself, how much i've grown through this process and it really touched me..... here i was feeling like i disappointed the world, my husband, my friends, my family, myself, Clover..... and yet, i hadn't even stopped to say - good job J, you did something you never thought you could.... you gave yourself shots when you were scared...you got blood work every other day, you did what you had to do, to get things done. And although i felt like it was all for nothing.....it was for something. I'm a hell of a lot stronger then i give myself credit for. So thank you friend for helping me see that i've grown through this process and although it wasn't the outcome we wanted or had hoped for, we're stronger because of it.
And thank you friends, all of you, who have sent emails, messages, texts or just phoned to see how things were going..... without all your support, i think it would have been so hard....hubby and I have felt the love and it is what surrounds us during our moments when we cry for the babies we had worked so hard for and loved. Your love and support will carry us through our next cycle and we are forever grateful for the friends we have in our lives. We are so touched and honored to call you a friend......thank you, you have no idea how much your actions have touched our hearts.
I got a message from a friend who pointed out that i should be proud of myself, how much i've grown through this process and it really touched me..... here i was feeling like i disappointed the world, my husband, my friends, my family, myself, Clover..... and yet, i hadn't even stopped to say - good job J, you did something you never thought you could.... you gave yourself shots when you were scared...you got blood work every other day, you did what you had to do, to get things done. And although i felt like it was all for nothing.....it was for something. I'm a hell of a lot stronger then i give myself credit for. So thank you friend for helping me see that i've grown through this process and although it wasn't the outcome we wanted or had hoped for, we're stronger because of it.
And thank you friends, all of you, who have sent emails, messages, texts or just phoned to see how things were going..... without all your support, i think it would have been so hard....hubby and I have felt the love and it is what surrounds us during our moments when we cry for the babies we had worked so hard for and loved. Your love and support will carry us through our next cycle and we are forever grateful for the friends we have in our lives. We are so touched and honored to call you a friend......thank you, you have no idea how much your actions have touched our hearts.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Beta day
and unfort. it was negative. I'm devestated...heartbroken....this pain in my heart sucks. we have our WTF apt on Wednesday to go over what the next steps are....
Well, at least now i can go to the gym and work my butt off and the extra weight i gained with the meds.....
Well, at least now i can go to the gym and work my butt off and the extra weight i gained with the meds.....
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
7dp5dt
The road has continued to be bumpy.....it's like one day i'm positive, the next i'm certain it didn't work and then i feel guilty like i just gave up on my babies....
Last night - not a good day...i was crabby and just feeling kinda down....and then i had some strange dreams, but one was that i kept POAS(peeing on a stick) and they kept coming up positive....one was green and had to have 3 lines and i was like dude, is there really 3 lines??? The feeling was amazing that we kept getting positive tests.... i can't wait for that to happen for real. 3.5 more days and then 8am i will know for sure.
You may wonder why i'm not testing before then....well, the answer is simple....the fear of the negative keeps me away..... yes, i REALLY want to test...but, then when i start to think about it, i decide it's best i don't....tech. i could get a negative today and a positive 2 days from now...i've had friends who tested the day of their beta and it was negative, only to find out that they were actually pregnant via the beta.....so it does happen. Sometimes the HCG hormone just doesn't get detected. Plus, if i got a negative, i know it would bring me down and then i'd have to keep testing.....or if if got a positive, i'd worry and still have to test everyday til my beta....although if my beta is positive, i'll be testing all the time after that anyways...lol.
The land of the unknown.... may God give me the strength and courage to face monday, whatever it shall bring.
Last night - not a good day...i was crabby and just feeling kinda down....and then i had some strange dreams, but one was that i kept POAS(peeing on a stick) and they kept coming up positive....one was green and had to have 3 lines and i was like dude, is there really 3 lines??? The feeling was amazing that we kept getting positive tests.... i can't wait for that to happen for real. 3.5 more days and then 8am i will know for sure.
You may wonder why i'm not testing before then....well, the answer is simple....the fear of the negative keeps me away..... yes, i REALLY want to test...but, then when i start to think about it, i decide it's best i don't....tech. i could get a negative today and a positive 2 days from now...i've had friends who tested the day of their beta and it was negative, only to find out that they were actually pregnant via the beta.....so it does happen. Sometimes the HCG hormone just doesn't get detected. Plus, if i got a negative, i know it would bring me down and then i'd have to keep testing.....or if if got a positive, i'd worry and still have to test everyday til my beta....although if my beta is positive, i'll be testing all the time after that anyways...lol.
The land of the unknown.... may God give me the strength and courage to face monday, whatever it shall bring.
Monday, September 20, 2010
ah the ups and downs...
so today is a 'down' day. I'm just feeling like it didn't work, i had a good cry this morning..... Nothing can prepare you for this 2WW.....nothing.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
3dp5dt
yah, that little jumble of words and numbers in the title....that means i'm 3 days past a 5 day transfer....
My Transfer went really well -- got there, my MIL came with me, since the hubby wasn't able to-- which really, i think was good for her to be a part of that, cuz i think it made the whole process more real for her...she never was really 'into' it and just was kinda like do your own thing, you don't have to talk to me about it....but, i think when she actually saw the eggs and her 'grandchildren'....i think it really hit her in her heart and she realized how amazing it is, even if my
baby(ies)life starts off in a petridish.
So, i get there, take a little magic pill to relax and drink up my 32 billion oz of water, peed 2 times cuz i thought my bladder was going to burst (you have to have a full bladder cuz it pushes down the uterine cavity so they have better access to it...or something like that)and then i had to drink more water, cuz i just peed out all the water i was drinking all morning..... then in i go. They showed me the babies they were transferring and then - in one tube, and into me......it was super fast....but so cool at the same time. And the ultrasound tech guy was really cool in explaining everything to me...so it was neat and you'll be happy to know i had a great full bladder, so all was well. :) So, they helped me up and said, okay, go potty and i'm like what? won't i pee them out...to which they laughed and said nope.
Then as i'm walking down the hallway i'm like squeezing my legs together.....ever watch The Backup Plan after Jennifer Lopez's character gets an IUI and she's walking down the hallway all weird...that was me... i made sure i wouldn't 'walk' them out....and then i had to pass gas, but i was really afraid i might fart them out...so i held it... it's like in my right mind i totally know i can't fart out my babies...but, in the paranoid, irrational mind....i might.
Out of our 18 fertilized eggs, 11 made it to 5 day, we had 3 good ones, 2 of which we transferred in and then we waited on the other 8 ones to see if they would catch up and be able to freeze. We transfered in 2 grade 4BB embryos. 5&A being the best... we have 7 frosties (frozen embies) and one of them is a grade 5BB-which just means it started to hatch out!!) So, i'm hoping that since they were doing well in the lab, i'm hoping they are doing awesome in my uterus!
I have the picture of my babies.....i just have to get on a computer that doesn't run SUPER SLOW, like our desktop so i can load it on up. so, they'll be up soon.
Unfortunately the meds i'm on mimic pregnancy symptoms so although my boobs hurt, i'm tired, i'm crampy here and there, bloated, i'm weepy (no animals cops or the news or Mickey Mouse's Club House)and i've gotten up in the middle of the night to pee 3 nights in a row.....i don't know if it's the baby(ies) or the meds...sucks huh? oh and i nap...and am still able to go to bed by 930pm.....i am NOT a napper...i hate naps...if i take a nap, i don't end up falling asleep until the wee hours of the morning..... the last few days, around 230/3pm, i end up falling asleep, even if i didn't think i was tired and take a good hour nap or so, wake up and by 9p, start getting tired....and i sleep, i mean, i sleep good at night...until 330 or 430am comes around and i gotta pee and then i lay in bed wondering if it's the baby(ies) or if its the meds and when the last time i drank water was (last night i made sure i cut off all fluids by 8pm, peed b4 bed and still woke up at 430a to pee) oh, and lets not talk about chicken....ya know what, lets.... yeah, Grilled Chicken=GROSS! i got a snack wrap the other day cuz i was STARVING...it's quick, it's relatively "healhty" for fast food...took one bite and i about vomited it up....i gagged it down cuz i was hungry but it was HORRIBLE .....just thinking about chicken right now is making me gag....ew.
It's weird, i mean, i've been in 2WW before, where you're just waiting for your period, hoping that you're late so you can test....but, i've never been in THIS 2WW...where i KNOW i have fertilized eggs in there, i KNOW they were ready to hatch and stick.... Gosh, i really hope this works!
9 more days........
My Transfer went really well -- got there, my MIL came with me, since the hubby wasn't able to-- which really, i think was good for her to be a part of that, cuz i think it made the whole process more real for her...she never was really 'into' it and just was kinda like do your own thing, you don't have to talk to me about it....but, i think when she actually saw the eggs and her 'grandchildren'....i think it really hit her in her heart and she realized how amazing it is, even if my
baby(ies)life starts off in a petridish.
So, i get there, take a little magic pill to relax and drink up my 32 billion oz of water, peed 2 times cuz i thought my bladder was going to burst (you have to have a full bladder cuz it pushes down the uterine cavity so they have better access to it...or something like that)and then i had to drink more water, cuz i just peed out all the water i was drinking all morning..... then in i go. They showed me the babies they were transferring and then - in one tube, and into me......it was super fast....but so cool at the same time. And the ultrasound tech guy was really cool in explaining everything to me...so it was neat and you'll be happy to know i had a great full bladder, so all was well. :) So, they helped me up and said, okay, go potty and i'm like what? won't i pee them out...to which they laughed and said nope.
Then as i'm walking down the hallway i'm like squeezing my legs together.....ever watch The Backup Plan after Jennifer Lopez's character gets an IUI and she's walking down the hallway all weird...that was me... i made sure i wouldn't 'walk' them out....and then i had to pass gas, but i was really afraid i might fart them out...so i held it... it's like in my right mind i totally know i can't fart out my babies...but, in the paranoid, irrational mind....i might.
Out of our 18 fertilized eggs, 11 made it to 5 day, we had 3 good ones, 2 of which we transferred in and then we waited on the other 8 ones to see if they would catch up and be able to freeze. We transfered in 2 grade 4BB embryos. 5&A being the best... we have 7 frosties (frozen embies) and one of them is a grade 5BB-which just means it started to hatch out!!) So, i'm hoping that since they were doing well in the lab, i'm hoping they are doing awesome in my uterus!
I have the picture of my babies.....i just have to get on a computer that doesn't run SUPER SLOW, like our desktop so i can load it on up. so, they'll be up soon.
Unfortunately the meds i'm on mimic pregnancy symptoms so although my boobs hurt, i'm tired, i'm crampy here and there, bloated, i'm weepy (no animals cops or the news or Mickey Mouse's Club House)and i've gotten up in the middle of the night to pee 3 nights in a row.....i don't know if it's the baby(ies) or the meds...sucks huh? oh and i nap...and am still able to go to bed by 930pm.....i am NOT a napper...i hate naps...if i take a nap, i don't end up falling asleep until the wee hours of the morning..... the last few days, around 230/3pm, i end up falling asleep, even if i didn't think i was tired and take a good hour nap or so, wake up and by 9p, start getting tired....and i sleep, i mean, i sleep good at night...until 330 or 430am comes around and i gotta pee and then i lay in bed wondering if it's the baby(ies) or if its the meds and when the last time i drank water was (last night i made sure i cut off all fluids by 8pm, peed b4 bed and still woke up at 430a to pee) oh, and lets not talk about chicken....ya know what, lets.... yeah, Grilled Chicken=GROSS! i got a snack wrap the other day cuz i was STARVING...it's quick, it's relatively "healhty" for fast food...took one bite and i about vomited it up....i gagged it down cuz i was hungry but it was HORRIBLE .....just thinking about chicken right now is making me gag....ew.
It's weird, i mean, i've been in 2WW before, where you're just waiting for your period, hoping that you're late so you can test....but, i've never been in THIS 2WW...where i KNOW i have fertilized eggs in there, i KNOW they were ready to hatch and stick.... Gosh, i really hope this works!
9 more days........
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Woot!
I am offically PUPO!!!! these next 12 days are going to get f-o-r-e-v-e-r......so, i'm gonna enjoy every second of it......
Transfer was quick and easy and i've got so much on my mind right now...i'll post later....but please send some sticky vibes my way and that these eggs continue to grow and blossom into amazing little people!
Transfer was quick and easy and i've got so much on my mind right now...i'll post later....but please send some sticky vibes my way and that these eggs continue to grow and blossom into amazing little people!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
wow...
I don't think i've ever felt so many mixed emotions all at once....
I'm nervous, i'm scared, i'm excitied,i'm hopeful....i'm just about to burst with love....it's crazy.
Tomorrow is the day....the day i am reunited with my babies. I don't care what ppl think....cells, dna, babies.....but these are MY cells with my husband....these cells are turning into blastocycst and are forming cell masses where the baby will be and the placenta will form.......this is the begining of life and i get to witness it tomorrow.... I never thought i'd be so attached to my eggs, but man, i just want them back with me, so i can love them and nuture them into life......i think about them and how they are all doing...i hope they're not too cold...i know, what a crazy little thought....but i just hope they are dividing and growing and forming and doing what they ought to be doing..... I wish i got updates ....but, the lab said it's not good for the eggs...a 5 day transfer is better then a 3 day transfer, so i'm feeling good about that.....
Unfort. DH's job is a SOB and there's no one to cover his shift, sooooo....my MIL is driving me there and back. I'll even let them come in the room if they're allowed. I'm kinda bummed DH isn't going to be there, but i can show him the pictures and talk about the experience with him....as long as he's there when i'm actually giving birth...that's what i care about the most. It's crazy to think we're gonna have 2 babies to pick from....i wonder what color hair they're going to have, and color eyes, skin tone....will they have my dimples and curls or DH's nose and smile? I want soooooo badly for this to work....you have no idea how much i have been praying to St.Anne - Mary's Mother, St. Gerard - Patron of motherhood ....i have prayed and so far my prayers have been answered...i can only hope they continue to be answered.
So....here goes.....tomorrow i will offically be PUPO -pregnant until proven otherwise--let's hope i'm pregnant for the next 9 months too! :)
I'm nervous, i'm scared, i'm excitied,i'm hopeful....i'm just about to burst with love....it's crazy.
Tomorrow is the day....the day i am reunited with my babies. I don't care what ppl think....cells, dna, babies.....but these are MY cells with my husband....these cells are turning into blastocycst and are forming cell masses where the baby will be and the placenta will form.......this is the begining of life and i get to witness it tomorrow.... I never thought i'd be so attached to my eggs, but man, i just want them back with me, so i can love them and nuture them into life......i think about them and how they are all doing...i hope they're not too cold...i know, what a crazy little thought....but i just hope they are dividing and growing and forming and doing what they ought to be doing..... I wish i got updates ....but, the lab said it's not good for the eggs...a 5 day transfer is better then a 3 day transfer, so i'm feeling good about that.....
Unfort. DH's job is a SOB and there's no one to cover his shift, sooooo....my MIL is driving me there and back. I'll even let them come in the room if they're allowed. I'm kinda bummed DH isn't going to be there, but i can show him the pictures and talk about the experience with him....as long as he's there when i'm actually giving birth...that's what i care about the most. It's crazy to think we're gonna have 2 babies to pick from....i wonder what color hair they're going to have, and color eyes, skin tone....will they have my dimples and curls or DH's nose and smile? I want soooooo badly for this to work....you have no idea how much i have been praying to St.Anne - Mary's Mother, St. Gerard - Patron of motherhood ....i have prayed and so far my prayers have been answered...i can only hope they continue to be answered.
So....here goes.....tomorrow i will offically be PUPO -pregnant until proven otherwise--let's hope i'm pregnant for the next 9 months too! :)
Saturday, September 11, 2010
lucky14 19!!!
So, i had my egg retrevial friday....... it went pretty well. We got there and we're all like little kids about to hit the jackpot of good things and i'm in a gown just chilln' in the recovery room....so, DH goes and makes his deposit and comes back and i'm still sitting there....wondering if they forgot me. Then it's my turn...the IV tech couldn't find any viens in my hands beacuse they were freezing...so he's slapping my hands, making me squeeze his finger, he's poking around...i'm like, 'seriously, is this a sign?' But, it was okay, and i only cried a little bit cuz i was nervous and wasn't sure what to expect.....so then i'm like well, my other hand has some viens in it...so he's like do they have a hard time finding your viens and i'm like i dunno.....(i don't normally walk around with IV's in my hands)...LOL..so then he had me stand up...and swing my arms around and around and lift them up and down, and he's grabbing my forearms and squeezing the blood down into my hands and slapping them....all the while my gown is exposing my bare pasty white arse....awesome. So, a vien was found and i felt a little coolness and then i got dizzy and the last thing i remember was saying 'i hope i don't say anything silly.' And then i woke up.....i was totally out of it, dizzy and just like blah.. my eyes were watering and DH said when i was wheeled in i was crying and saying 'i'm so sorry i'm crying, i'm so sorry that i'm so emtional'....lol.
I drank some ginger ale and grham cracker and felt okay.... once i was falling asleep and the machine i was hooked up to started beeping and my pulse was like in the 40's and DH and i were like 'oh my gosh...am i dying?' LOL....
I was pretty sore yesterday, it just kinda hurt sitting up and walking...so i was a great couch potato.... today i'm feeling pretty good, except i started my vag. suppositories and so let the smurf goo begin....
They got14 19 eggs --we're anxiously awaiting the news as to how many they fertilized and how they are doing.....it's kinda crazy and surreal to know we've got some embabies out there fighting to become something amazing...... i just hope they're doing well and i can't wait til 2 of them are back in their 'mommy' where they belong. It's werid, i never thought i'd be so attached to my eggs.... i mean, for the last month i've been sending them good growing vibes and talking to them at night to 'grow, grow, grow' and now they're not in there....
And worrying about DH's swimmers and hoping he was doing all he could to make them strong and awesome and talking to them....... yes, the conversations this past month in our house have been 'interesting.'
We were coming home and DH goes, 'sweet, i can finally have a beer.' What a trooper he's been.....i just hope this works the 1st time......and we get great news at the end of September.
****update*****
lab called and they actually got 19!!!
she said they must not have been done counting all of them -- (apparently, the Dr told us org. 14, but there might be more - i don't remember that conversation and DH just happened to inform me of it when the lab called...men!!)
so, out of the 19..... 18 have fertilized!!! 1 was immature.
so we have 18 eggs cooking up to be something amazing!! Now, not all of them will 'survive' til the 5day, but i'm pretty confient we'll get at least a hand full.
So, this bumps us to a 5 day transfer on Wednesday!! I can't wait to have 2 of them back in me growing......keep sending those great fert. thoughts and prayers...it's working!!
I drank some ginger ale and grham cracker and felt okay.... once i was falling asleep and the machine i was hooked up to started beeping and my pulse was like in the 40's and DH and i were like 'oh my gosh...am i dying?' LOL....
I was pretty sore yesterday, it just kinda hurt sitting up and walking...so i was a great couch potato.... today i'm feeling pretty good, except i started my vag. suppositories and so let the smurf goo begin....
They got
And worrying about DH's swimmers and hoping he was doing all he could to make them strong and awesome and talking to them....... yes, the conversations this past month in our house have been 'interesting.'
We were coming home and DH goes, 'sweet, i can finally have a beer.' What a trooper he's been.....i just hope this works the 1st time......and we get great news at the end of September.
****update*****
lab called and they actually got 19!!!
she said they must not have been done counting all of them -- (apparently, the Dr told us org. 14, but there might be more - i don't remember that conversation and DH just happened to inform me of it when the lab called...men!!)
so, out of the 19..... 18 have fertilized!!! 1 was immature.
so we have 18 eggs cooking up to be something amazing!! Now, not all of them will 'survive' til the 5day, but i'm pretty confient we'll get at least a hand full.
So, this bumps us to a 5 day transfer on Wednesday!! I can't wait to have 2 of them back in me growing......keep sending those great fert. thoughts and prayers...it's working!!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
here we go now.....
woot! I triggered tonight at 730pm. Two shots....and now i wait. Tomorrow will be my first shot free day since Aug. 17th....crazy to think of what life was like before it revolved around my shots.
It's hard to walk...my ovaries feel like they're about to pop out. And i won't bore you all with my poop issues....LOL - yeah, maybe i will.....i'm a little 'backed up' cuz every time i try to go, i think i'm going to pop off an egg and poop it out...i know it's not possible, but....it kinda makes it hard to go when that's what's on your mind.....i'm glad to report i was able to monetarily shut my brain off and all is good in the bowel movement area...
Can you tell i'm giddy with excitement....i feel like Christmas is like 2 days away...DH and i are like two excited kids about to meet Santa....yeah, we're dorks. instead it's just my ER...egg retrieval..and i'm excited! Friday morning...we have to be at the clinic at 645a.....I'm Nervous, scared, super stoked..... I can't believe this is really happening.... Come monday i will offically be PUPO....(pregnant until proven otherwise) with twins!!! ah!
It's hard to walk...my ovaries feel like they're about to pop out. And i won't bore you all with my poop issues....LOL - yeah, maybe i will.....i'm a little 'backed up' cuz every time i try to go, i think i'm going to pop off an egg and poop it out...i know it's not possible, but....it kinda makes it hard to go when that's what's on your mind.....i'm glad to report i was able to monetarily shut my brain off and all is good in the bowel movement area...
Can you tell i'm giddy with excitement....i feel like Christmas is like 2 days away...DH and i are like two excited kids about to meet Santa....yeah, we're dorks. instead it's just my ER...egg retrieval..and i'm excited! Friday morning...we have to be at the clinic at 645a.....I'm Nervous, scared, super stoked..... I can't believe this is really happening.... Come monday i will offically be PUPO....(pregnant until proven otherwise) with twins!!! ah!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
patience is a
One more day of stims....go in again tomorrow for more bldwrk/ultrasound and maybe trigger... deep breath
Monday, September 6, 2010
still growing....
those follies. I'm still stimming.... at my apt yesterday, they measured 13 ..... and probably will still being stimming tomorrow too.....
e2- 1,362
Rt ovary - 18,15,14,12,11
Lft ovary -18,18,17,16,13,13,13,13
Yah, that pretty much means a lot of nothing to me.....all i see are that i have a group of 15-18's that will be ready soon and the rest better catch up.....by tomorrow! LOL
i have an apt. tomorrow....and really, really hoping i get to trigger!! I know, I know, i can't rush this and the way i look at it most days, is as long as my body is doing what it needs to do, then so be it. I'm just being totally impatient....tech it's 10 days stimming on the 9th....so really, i have some time....
So, i had to drive an hr away for my apt on sunday morning, watched the sunrise as i was driving there.....it's weird to see all the other couples....one lady must've been getting ready for her ER - and she had DH's sperm in a bag...trying to keep it warm.... tomorrow i will have to drive back to this clinic, since my clinic closer to home is closed today and i'm not sure there is an apt available....so since i gotta leave at like 530am, i doubt the closer clinic is going to be open...the 1hr away clinic is walk in only....so it's 1st come, 1st serve....fun.
*going to complain for a moment* I know i really shouldn't....but, i just gotta get this out and then i'm done...... i'm done with this process already.....i'm so over all the shots....i'm getting more and more uncomfortable...the bloating..i can barely even fit in my big pants anymore....not good. I have pain here and there in the ovary area, which is good, cuz it's letting me know that my ovaries are working, but then, days like today, when i'm not really feeling anything....i worry that my ovaries have stopped working....this is what i do on my day off...i worry about my ovaries..i worry about things i can not control and i know i can't control it....like triggering....i can't control when it will happen....i know when it will be convenient, but nope, still can't control it... At least the meds have been pretty good to me.... the last 2 times i did the menapur shot, i got a pink circle rash thingy around it...which the paperwork says is normal.....and it burned..going in and after the shot.... I get sweaty after i do my shots...so i know they're working..... Yesterday i went boating and sat for while....so i was pretty uncomfortable in the evening...i just felt icky...my shots hurt doing them and the menapur burned and i just crawled into bed at 9pm and started crying....i know i was tired and i think i just was doing a bit to much ........ I've only had one really bad day, when i went home from work and had the slight fever....otherwise, i feel like my mood has been okay.... I mean, i only have really gotten super annoyed like 2 times....one was over peanut butter, but only the walls got that hormonal outburst, which i explained to myself that "really? you're going to get this upset over not having any peanut butter? get over it!!!" and Friday at work i was feeling a little bitchy, so i just stayed in my office....So, i mean, i can't really complain....i guess i'm not really complaining, just more like getting negative icky thoughts out.... *complaining over*
Oh and i've been dreaming like crazy about babies and HPT's and dr. visits and pregnancy.....obviously i know WHY i'm dreaming these things, but it's like every freakn' night...it's crazy!!! Luckily they've always been good - i'm always pregnant, getting a +HPT or holding my babies....which it seems like there's always a 'few' of them.....
And weird, but i think i might actually be a little bummed if i don't have twins.....is that weird? I mean, i went from having panic attacks thinking about twins to really, really wanting twins.....to the point that i might be a little sad if we don't have twins.....what is going on????? Am i CRAZY????!?!?!!?!?
Next report - tomorrow.....fingers crossed follies aresuper growing and trigger tomorrow!!! that all is going well!
e2- 1,362
Rt ovary - 18,15,14,12,11
Lft ovary -18,18,17,16,13,13,13,13
Yah, that pretty much means a lot of nothing to me.....all i see are that i have a group of 15-18's that will be ready soon and the rest better catch up.....by tomorrow! LOL
i have an apt. tomorrow....and really, really hoping i get to trigger!! I know, I know, i can't rush this and the way i look at it most days, is as long as my body is doing what it needs to do, then so be it. I'm just being totally impatient....tech it's 10 days stimming on the 9th....so really, i have some time....
So, i had to drive an hr away for my apt on sunday morning, watched the sunrise as i was driving there.....it's weird to see all the other couples....one lady must've been getting ready for her ER - and she had DH's sperm in a bag...trying to keep it warm.... tomorrow i will have to drive back to this clinic, since my clinic closer to home is closed today and i'm not sure there is an apt available....so since i gotta leave at like 530am, i doubt the closer clinic is going to be open...the 1hr away clinic is walk in only....so it's 1st come, 1st serve....fun.
*going to complain for a moment* I know i really shouldn't....but, i just gotta get this out and then i'm done...... i'm done with this process already.....i'm so over all the shots....i'm getting more and more uncomfortable...the bloating..i can barely even fit in my big pants anymore....not good. I have pain here and there in the ovary area, which is good, cuz it's letting me know that my ovaries are working, but then, days like today, when i'm not really feeling anything....i worry that my ovaries have stopped working....this is what i do on my day off...i worry about my ovaries..i worry about things i can not control and i know i can't control it....like triggering....i can't control when it will happen....i know when it will be convenient, but nope, still can't control it... At least the meds have been pretty good to me.... the last 2 times i did the menapur shot, i got a pink circle rash thingy around it...which the paperwork says is normal.....and it burned..going in and after the shot.... I get sweaty after i do my shots...so i know they're working..... Yesterday i went boating and sat for while....so i was pretty uncomfortable in the evening...i just felt icky...my shots hurt doing them and the menapur burned and i just crawled into bed at 9pm and started crying....i know i was tired and i think i just was doing a bit to much ........ I've only had one really bad day, when i went home from work and had the slight fever....otherwise, i feel like my mood has been okay.... I mean, i only have really gotten super annoyed like 2 times....one was over peanut butter, but only the walls got that hormonal outburst, which i explained to myself that "really? you're going to get this upset over not having any peanut butter? get over it!!!" and Friday at work i was feeling a little bitchy, so i just stayed in my office....So, i mean, i can't really complain....i guess i'm not really complaining, just more like getting negative icky thoughts out.... *complaining over*
Oh and i've been dreaming like crazy about babies and HPT's and dr. visits and pregnancy.....obviously i know WHY i'm dreaming these things, but it's like every freakn' night...it's crazy!!! Luckily they've always been good - i'm always pregnant, getting a +HPT or holding my babies....which it seems like there's always a 'few' of them.....
And weird, but i think i might actually be a little bummed if i don't have twins.....is that weird? I mean, i went from having panic attacks thinking about twins to really, really wanting twins.....to the point that i might be a little sad if we don't have twins.....what is going on????? Am i CRAZY????!?!?!!?!?
Next report - tomorrow.....fingers crossed follies are
Friday, September 3, 2010
still stimming.....
had apt today ---i have 21 follies total. 12 are measuring around the same.....the largest on the left is 17mm, largest on rt is 14mm....the other 10 measurable ones are 12-14mm. The other 9 they are not measuring as they are below 10mm......so, still working with 12 good ones i guess. Everything else is good - lining is good, bloodwrk is good.....so i guess i'm good. :)
Meds stay the same and I go back on sunday morning for another us and bldwrk......she said maybe i will trigger sunday or monday....i hope so....i'm so ready to move onto the next phase....and stop being a pin cushion....
Meds stay the same and I go back on sunday morning for another us and bldwrk......she said maybe i will trigger sunday or monday....i hope so....i'm so ready to move onto the next phase....and stop being a pin cushion....
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
and the nurse says....
i continue my meds at the dose i'm taking them for another 2 days. come in Friday for another us/bldwrk.
My E2 was 140
i have 12 measurable follies -- 1 in the right ovary that is measuring at 14.7....
I asked the nurse if this follie will ruin my cycle.....and she assured me that it would not....
She said that so far things are looking well, my body is responding to my stim meds and that the E2 should continue to rise..... So, here's hoping that my body keeps doing what it needs to do and that this 14.7 follie settles down a bit....no need for it to get ahead of itself and the others..... ;)
Oh, blood draw went much better today, although i'm sporting a bruise that looks like i'm a junkie....it didn't hurt. Ultrasound tech....eh, i could've done without....she actually made me stick the wand in my girl bits...i'm like "uh, what am i doing?" and she's like "take this and shove it in there like a tampon" i looked at her like um, okay and then said, "well, this is new...i've never had to do this" to which she replied.."well,everyone does their own thing and is different' and then she didn't let me see the screen..... bah! But, she showed me my follies so i can see them for about 2 seconds. She so better not be the tech when we get to see the babies for the 1st time....i want my org. lady back!!! :)
So, prayers, thoughts, good vibes that my ovaries keep doing their thing, my body keeps responding to the stims and sooner, rather then later...i get this ER and ET done....so i'm that much closer to getting that positive result and on to my babies!
My E2 was 140
i have 12 measurable follies -- 1 in the right ovary that is measuring at 14.7....
I asked the nurse if this follie will ruin my cycle.....and she assured me that it would not....
She said that so far things are looking well, my body is responding to my stim meds and that the E2 should continue to rise..... So, here's hoping that my body keeps doing what it needs to do and that this 14.7 follie settles down a bit....no need for it to get ahead of itself and the others..... ;)
Oh, blood draw went much better today, although i'm sporting a bruise that looks like i'm a junkie....it didn't hurt. Ultrasound tech....eh, i could've done without....she actually made me stick the wand in my girl bits...i'm like "uh, what am i doing?" and she's like "take this and shove it in there like a tampon" i looked at her like um, okay and then said, "well, this is new...i've never had to do this" to which she replied.."well,everyone does their own thing and is different' and then she didn't let me see the screen..... bah! But, she showed me my follies so i can see them for about 2 seconds. She so better not be the tech when we get to see the babies for the 1st time....i want my org. lady back!!! :)
So, prayers, thoughts, good vibes that my ovaries keep doing their thing, my body keeps responding to the stims and sooner, rather then later...i get this ER and ET done....so i'm that much closer to getting that positive result and on to my babies!
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