argh

I'm not feeling very optimistic about this round.....i dunno, it's just i don't want it to not work. I just don't feel any different..i just feel totally normal. I remember last time, i felt bloated and nauseous, i woke up at the wee hours of the morning to potty, i just felt icky....this time, although i wake up anywhere between 1-3am, i just lay there and eventually fall back to sleep. This morning(at like 2am) i woke up with cramps, i just wanted to cry...... I dunno if it's normal, i don't know if it means it didn't work, i don't know if it was just gas and that i'm constipated...i dunno....i just don't have much hope for this round....

I feel like everything lined up perfectly this time, even more so perfectly then last time.... i have this clematis(don't know if that's the right spelling, but mine make purple flowers) that didn't bloom all summer, and then when i cam back from my IVF transfer, i saw two beautiful flowers that had bloomed....i took it to mean good things, but they withered away shortly after. Then, when we began this FET cycle, guess what, 2 new beautiful flowers bloomed like towards the end of October...and are still hanging on...... I never gave up hope on that flower (i thought it was a goner in the spring) and yet it still flourished and bloomed....so why am i so easy to give up on my embryos?

I just feel different this time, i feel like it's a good different, but it's just different.... i was reading on a friends page and this is what was posted...i feel like i needed to read that today......

"faith is exactly what it takes to get through uncertainty. Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!"