surrender......yet. So, I began to think about writing a blog on our fertility things cuz well, frankly, i have a lot of thoughts and it's hard for me to keep my thoughts in and not release them. It's hard to talk to poppa monkey, cuz he's a guy and well, sometimes he just doesn't get it....i have my best girls, but sometimes i feel foolish for being so frustrated about 'my issues' when they have their own issues....the last thing they want to hear about is me rambling on about our fertility struggles.
So, i began the blog, as a way for me to vent, to get rid of 2.5 years of trying to get pregnant, to clear my chakra's so our 'spirit baby' will come to us....to release my anxieties and my worries....to not be judged.
Some days i'm frustrated, some days are like yesterday, full of disappointment, frustration and giving up. And other days are like today --where i'm grateful i got my period this morning cuz then at least i know my body is working right. That today i know that i am exactly where i am meant to be. That i can dream about baby names and a future with poppa monkey that includes children. That i know i will be a mother...wither it's conventional or unconventional...it will happen....i just can't control when it will happen.
Today is a new day. I am alive.
97% of the time, i'm like today, my thoughts are clear and happy and like today. Sometimes i'm in between today and yesterday and other times, although seldom, but every few months i get like yesterday. I want to give up.
So, call me crazy...my emotions vary but, it's life - we deal and we move on.
I had acupuncture today - so i'm all balanced. Got new ear tacs...yeah!! I took out my right one last week (she said i could take them out if they're bothering me to much til i get used to them) cuz when i slept it kept hurting. I kept the left one in and seriously....EVERYONE should get these!! When i'm driving and getting all anxious, i push on my tac and a calmness washes over me. Get a headache, push tac - gone! Feeling pissy, push tac- relaxed. Hard time falling asleep, push tac - ASLEEP!! It's amazing! In fact, last week i felt like i was getting sick and i kept pushing on my tac and i felt okay....Friday i took out my tac cuz it was itching and it was like my body went bonkers...i was sneezing, i felt like crap, i had tummy issues, i was coughing....it was insane!! So, now i have new ones and i will NOT be taking these bad boys out...
No comments:
Post a Comment