The end.

I'm probably going to be a wee bit TMI in this post, so if you don't wanna read it....i'm warning you now.

Well, i ended up starting to cramp and spot on Thursday. So, the end was coming. I know we had our official blood work end, but to have my period, was the official end. The end of this cycle, the end of hope, dreams and the future of our babies. By friday i was cramping even more and had a heavy flow, blood clots and every time i wiped and had a blood clot on the toilet paper, i wondered if those where my babies. I bled a lot, at least for me, and was a little worried at first, i only had one other time i had a heavy period with cramps like this, and that was back in November of 2008....i thought i might've been pregnant...i cramped pretty bad and i remember i was shopping at Target and actually left the store i was cramping so much, i had blood clots then and my flow was so heavy i went through the pad i was wearing within the hour.....it was horrible. I have no idea if i actually might've been pregnant or not, but i still can remember that cycle month and I know that it was weird.

So, i was pretty bummed.....but i talked to someone and she justified my feelings... this was more then just a period - this was not a "oh, maybe it worked", darn it didn't....no,i did daily shots, i showed up for ultrasounds and blood work, i grew 18 eggs, we fertilized 9 of those....i saw them put back 2 fertilized eggs, i had 2 fertilized eggs in my uterus. I sang to our babies, i talked to our babies and we loved them so much....... and every time i cramped, every time i felt the blood coming out, every time i looked at those blood clots....i wondered....are those our babies....

My period is beginning to taper off, which means the end of the end is near. This cycle is officially done. I go in to the Dr tomorrow for bldwrk and ultrasound and to make sure my lining is thinning so we can prepare for round 2. This time, although i will not be stimulating my ovaries into the size of plums/ small grapefruits-- i have to do PIO shots....the ones in my butt. Yeah, lets just say i'm still nervous as heck about those and i still think i'm gonna get all Anna Nicole Smith and get an infection in my butt and die. I think i'm going to ask the nurse to draw circles with a sharpie on my butt cheeks so i know hubby knows where he needs to 'stab' me and that way we're more comfortable that he won't hit the bone.........ahhhh!!