I'm nervous.....like, super duper anxeity is up big time scared. I keep second guessing myself and the decision we're making. I mean, what if it's to soon and God has other plans for us......what if we're not suppose to have kids right now... i don't want to gain a ton of weight and not be able to get rid of it...... are we playing God? Are we rushing things? I feel like i just don't know if this is the right choice... i mean, the non scared me is ready for this, i'm pumped and i wanted to do this yesterday...... and the scared part is nervous and pit in my stomach scared.....what if we're rushing this....what if it doesn't work...... i want this so badly, but i'm so scared. It's not even about the shots anymore... its having to choose when we have kids..... i mean, it's totally different when you're 'trying' and then one day you wake up, pee on a stick and say, 'wow, we're pregnant'..i mean, you don't have a choice, you don't think about in 60 days you're going to do a procedure and most likely get pregnant.... ....it's like you just have to deal.... cuz there's no turning back...it's done. And this, this IVF....i mean, what if we don't get approved for the loan, what if we can't scrap together the money, what if it doesn't work.....there's so many unknowns.....
ARGH...why can't this just be so much easier....the decision made for us...... i hate this!!!
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