scare

So, today i woke up and wiped and there was brown on the toilet paper. Needless to say.....i tried really hard to stay calm. I know that brown blood is old blood, but it's still not anymore comforting when you see it on the TP. I have no cramping and it's not red....the nurse said to call again if i get cramping or it turns red. She said the meds i'm on can sometimes cause that (the brown blood) to happen and as long as i have no cramping....to not worry about it.... ha, easier said then done. Maybe i did to much yesterday....we are having a holiday party and i'm trying to get the house cleaned and decorated...but, after this mornings scare.....to bad if it's only 1/2 decorated....i doubt my friends are really going to care that i don't have enough decor up ....lol. So, please say some extra prayers that the babies are okay in there and that this brown stuff goes away so i can relax a little more. I'm glad i have an apointment tomorrow to see the babies, so hopefully that will be reasuring as well...although we probably won't see much....

the things you do..

so, is it weird that i've poas like 5 billion times 7 times and they are all lined up on my bathroom counter so i can look at them? LOL. i LOVE poas....i LOVE seeing those two lines show up super fast or the little plus sign...LOVE IT!! I don't know when this poas obsession will end...maybe once we hear the heartbeats....oh who am i kidding..... i'll probably poas until i give birth... :)

2 more days and then we find out if it's one or two!!! I am so excited....can't wait. I pray that everything is growing the way it should and that we'll have an awesome ultrasound.

So....the debate in the house is whether or not we should find out the gender. Forever, i always wanted it to be a surprise cuz there's only so many surprises in life....but lately, i kinda feel like i've waited so long and worked so hard to get pregnant, i'm not sure i really wanna wait...i wanna talk to my baby(ies) with their names and buy them cute lil' outfits.... there's like nothing out there for gender neutral...which is lame-o. I mean, not that that stops me from getting oneis...some lil' outfits are def. boy outfits, but whatev...if it's a girl, i'll just put a bow in her hair...lol. The Hubby totally wants to know what we're having.... if we have twins, i told him we could find out on one and the other would be secret...lol.... I know we have a few months b4 we have to know...... I just want to see them, i want to hear and see their heartbeats and then i'll feel so much better about everything.

I thought for sure i'd be buying lil' outfits like crazy for our lil' ones, but alas, i have not...i think i just wanna hear the heartbeats and then i feel like i can buy some things.

I feel like now that we're pregnant, there's a whole new bag of worries.... i have NO IDEA what i have to stay away from and anything i google it's like everything but air is dangerous....tap water vs bottled water.....soap, shampoos, face wash, food...ah!! I refuse to google anymore, cuz it's just making me crazy.... i know the big stuff like deli meat (which i can eat if it's cooked), i'm limiting my PB intake since apparently pg ladies who eat pb can pass along a peanut allergy, no aspartame, caffeine, and i'm drinking tap water, since it's regulated by the government and bottled water is not....and then yesterday a friend was talking about hand soap and the chemicals in that...i'm like what? so i'm going to try to find some chemical free soap...or something.

One day at a time, one moment at a time....wednesday will be another big step we have to get through and then the following week to hear the heartbeats....one moment at a time....

5 weeks

Wow, i'm already 5 weeks along- if i'm going by a July 29th due date....
So....beta #1 - 796
beta #2 - 2245
I have a friend in the neighborhood who also did IVF/FET's and she is currently pregnant with twins...her 2nd beta was 2150. Yeah, so needless to say hubby is FREAKN' out about the idea of twins......
me, eh....i'm okay with the idea....i mean, i'm not naive that it's going to be hard and that it's going to be crazy and i'm going to have post it notes EVERYWHERE .......but i'm okay with the idea...i think. Ask me on Wednesday when we find out....

Yup, so Wednesday we have our ultrasound to find out if there are one or two in there.....we won't see much other then some sacs and making sure they are where they should be and that there's nothing going on that shouldn't be.

I still am feeling great, but def. have been taking it super easy.....probably more so then i really should, but i don't want to risk anything....so i want to take it easy as much as i can. The house won't be as decorated as it normally is for the holidays and i might not be able to make all cookies i usually make for cookie exchanges (def. going to have to be some easy stuff) and i'm just going to have to take it easy.... Hubby gets Hubby of the year award for sure...he's been doing a lot around the house and i totally appreciate it, i feel guilty but when i try to help he banishes me to the couch and tells me to stay there. I listen, cuz well, i've got a life growing up in there.... :)

I have heartburn and the last few days i've noticed i'm peeing a little more...oh and i'm thirsty a lot too...

For those that read this that continue to struggle with your fertility, know that i'm always saying prayers for you....you are in my heart and i hope that your miracles will come too! Never give up...

Looking forward to this new journey to parenthood....i'm looking forward to picking out baby stuff and registering and just watching my body change and grow and feel the baby or babies and just enjoy the moments. Surprisingly enough, i haven't bought one baby item since becoming pregnant, i always thought that would be the 1st thing i do..instead i keep buying pregnancy tests and poas about 1-2 times a day just to watch the lines show up or for it to say PREGNANT or YES+
Soooo cool.

O.M.G!!

I AM PREGNANT! OMG!
This has been an AMAZING day!!! I can't even begin to describe the feelings. No matter what happens, i am enjoying every single moment and we could not be happier to know we are going to be parents. This has been a dream i have been waiting for, for 3 years....i finally got to POAS (pee on a stick) and it said YES+ LOL.....OMG! I am PREGNANT!!!!! I am going to be a mom...i'm a mommy!!!! OMG!!! Hubby is a daddy and Clover is a big sister....OMG!

Beta#1 - 796, anything over 100 is what they were looking for.
Progesterone - 10.9, anything over 10 is great.

I just felt it the last day or two...i woke up today and i just jumped out of bed and just 'knew'....this whole cycle has been just different....
When going through my IVF cycle, i prayed and wished for signs and wanted to see a shooting star...etc.... well, after we decided that we were going to go forward with the FET, i saw 2 shooting stars like 3-4 days apart..like BIG ones....no doubt about it shooting stars..... i saw a full double rainbow on the way to one of my appointments...and today, i wore my lucky socks and undies....and i saw deer on the way to my appointment...i also saw 1 deer on saturday...and i was thinking about if the FET worked...so i had my signs this time....lots of them.....and then the heart burn that kicked in on about Friday.....my mom said she had heartburn early on too with all us kids.... It's fun to compare things with my sister, to see what she's gone through and what i'm experiencing....it's just awesome! Even more awesome that we're expecting!! I can't believe it...I'm pregnant!!!

With Thanksgiving just another day away, I am thankful for the struggles, although i would prefer we need not endure such things, it makes the good times and happiness sweeter and more meaningful, i'm thankful for technology and miracles, i'm thankful for rainbows and shooting stars, lucky undies and socks and most of all i am thankful for my wonderful and supportive and fun loving family and friends and my fantastic hubby too!! Happy Happy Thanksgiving!!!

time is going so S.l.o.w.l.y

so slow....like turtle walking slow.... man, the 2WW was a breeze compared to these hours just waiting. Got poked at 8am and should know hopefully by 2 or 3pm. So, i told the nurse to call my work if it's positive....otherwise call my cell - which just so happens to be sitting at home cuz the hubby took my cell phone last night and i didn't get to see him this morning before i left for the dr. apt. She said she should get the results back by 2 or 3pm. I have a meeting at 315, so i'm hoping i get a call AT WORK so i can be beaming in the meeting.... :) I have my lucky undies and socks on....so, we'll see if they really are lucky..lol. Although, i know realistically, socks and undies aren't going to make me pregnant.....but, whatever helps right? Stay tuned....hoping i get to post some pretty exciting news soon......

Me again......don't wanna jinx it, but i kinda have a good feeling about tomorrow...but then i start to get excited about the possibility, that i have to pull myself back....i mean, it really could go either way tomorrow..... i have still no symptoms of anything....the ONLY thing i can tell is a little tiny bit different then normal and could be totally blamed on the meds is i have some killer heartburn/indigestion/burps...for almost a week.
I think i'm going to have the Dr office call me at work if it's positive....and that way i also will kinda know....ya know, if they don't call the office, then i know...without being told ...ya know.....and i can kinda be prepared for the bad news if i get some....but i'm still totally holding out for the happy, good news....

nervous....

I am so nervous about tomorrow. I've still been feeling great.... but i am soooo nervous about tomorrow. Like i am on the verge of tears....i just don't want to have to deal with the disappointment....i don't want to go through the holidays not pregnant...again. I don't want to have to put on a smiley face when my sister talks about her pregnancy, i don't want to have to grin and bear it when my co-worker talks about how fantastic and in love with her little baby she is...i don't want to have to be strong.....
i know, pretty pessimistic thoughts...i flip flop all the time.... i want this so badly. and i know if it doesn't work, that i can cry and be sad and when my period comes, i will be sad again and cry some more, but i also feel like i'll be just going through the motions...i feel like i've been guarded this round....i mean, i talk to my babies and say a prayer every night for them...but it's not the same as it was last time...and its a good different....but it's different.
Last time my dreams where about positive HPTs(tests) this time, i've dreamt of babies...my babies. Some dreams there were twins, some there was just only one....
I hope i get to celebrate the holidays knowing i have a life or two growing inside me, i want to wear maternity clothes at Christmas, i want to see my belly big for a reason and not just cuz it's full of fat, but because there is a life or two growing in there. I just want this struggle to be over....i will never forget this journey to parenthood and i feel that my relationship with my hubby is stronger because of it....but i don't know how much harder we can try and not have the ultimate goal not be reached without it breaking us down....
Our ultimate goal is to have a family of our own....how or when we get there is anyones guess...but i hope it's soon. :)
Prayers for strength and courage .....