So i had my salinesaynograph (sp-i'll have to edit that) today. Basically, they take some saline and fill up your uterous. They're looking to make sure there are no tumors or polyps etc... and i have a beautiful healthy uterus. It was not bad at all!! In fact, i only had like 1sec of slight cramping which was like no big deal...seriously, i didn't even feel it ...it was neat to see it on the screen though and she gave me two pictures to keep of my healthy beautiful uterus....lol...hey, i might not be able to get pregnant, but darn it, i can have pics of my uterus too.... :)
So, we meet with the IVF dr. on Monday to discuss our options....
I have pretty much come to realize that IVF will most likely be the ONLY way i will become pregnant....it sucks, and it's a hard pill for me to swallow, but if that means we're going to have children and i get to experience being pregnant, then so be it. I can't control if or when i'm going to be pregnant --and it may not be the way i had planned for it to go, but at least we still have that as an option.
so stayed tuned....
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
reading and a song....
So, we had our 'spirit baby' consultation.
I won't bore you all with everything, but the jiff of it is she felt even energy, but more boy then girl...she saw a little one with a mop of brown loose curls and green eyes (healing) ...our baby is a new spirit, so everything is new and he will be an alert, quiet baby.
Our baby needs us to clean the closets, says we have great energy in the house, but our closets are clogged....and we need some crystals to hang from the window in the baby's room, our bedroom and the kitchen....apparently, if anything it'll give us pretty rainbows in the rooms... Didn't give a definite answer on when it's coming...so we'll see.
As for us - acupuncture will end next month, i go for a saline sonograph Wednesday - this checks my uterine cavity and my ovaries for any abnormalities and also the lining of my uterus. JOY! I have been told that this is NOTHING compared to my HSG that i had done 1 1/2 yrs ago - that was horrible!!!!! Of course i've already google'd this topic and i won't be surprised if i'm balling my eyes out for the 1/2 hour that it's going to take or if i actually do pass out from the pain.....fertility issues suck big time. I don't get why it can't just be easy.....so many people who don't want kids, get pregnant so easily, then there's some of us who want nothing more then to be pregnant with a healthy baby and carry to full term, feel the baby kick, experience birthing and have our miracle in our arms.....and it's so freakn' hard. I suppose it wouldn't be horrible if we could afford it or had insurance that actually would cover it...but alas, we don't. *sigh*
how much longer do we continue to try? going to Dr's, doing this and that test....how much more can we really do?? Even if we continue trying to find out why we have this problem.....it would appear that IVF is the only way and right now that's not an option for us, unless we magically get a ton of money...which it's not like we're gonna win the lotto anytime soon. It's all just so frustrating.
And just when i think i'm finally done being reminded everyday that someone is pregnant....now i get to spend the next few weeks getting baby shower invites..double joy! and then when i'm done with that, all the babies will start being born.....seriously, at this point, i can't wait for 2010 to be over....
So, i find it interesting when celebs come out and talk about their fertility struggles, like Gulianna and Bill from the E network and them going through IVF and such.... and i've read about Celine Dion before as well - and she just went through her 4th failed IVF attempt a few months ago and i guess will be trying IVF #5 soon.
A friend of mine told me about this song she wrote that is about her struggle to get pregnant.....it's a very BEAUTIFUL song...here are the lyrics and i highly recommend listening to it on youtube - it's called A NEW DAY HAS COME
A new day has...come
I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you
Hush, love
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come
Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy
Hush, love
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come
A new day has...come
Ohhh, a light... OOh
I won't bore you all with everything, but the jiff of it is she felt even energy, but more boy then girl...she saw a little one with a mop of brown loose curls and green eyes (healing) ...our baby is a new spirit, so everything is new and he will be an alert, quiet baby.
Our baby needs us to clean the closets, says we have great energy in the house, but our closets are clogged....and we need some crystals to hang from the window in the baby's room, our bedroom and the kitchen....apparently, if anything it'll give us pretty rainbows in the rooms... Didn't give a definite answer on when it's coming...so we'll see.
As for us - acupuncture will end next month, i go for a saline sonograph Wednesday - this checks my uterine cavity and my ovaries for any abnormalities and also the lining of my uterus. JOY! I have been told that this is NOTHING compared to my HSG that i had done 1 1/2 yrs ago - that was horrible!!!!! Of course i've already google'd this topic and i won't be surprised if i'm balling my eyes out for the 1/2 hour that it's going to take or if i actually do pass out from the pain.....fertility issues suck big time. I don't get why it can't just be easy.....so many people who don't want kids, get pregnant so easily, then there's some of us who want nothing more then to be pregnant with a healthy baby and carry to full term, feel the baby kick, experience birthing and have our miracle in our arms.....and it's so freakn' hard. I suppose it wouldn't be horrible if we could afford it or had insurance that actually would cover it...but alas, we don't. *sigh*
how much longer do we continue to try? going to Dr's, doing this and that test....how much more can we really do?? Even if we continue trying to find out why we have this problem.....it would appear that IVF is the only way and right now that's not an option for us, unless we magically get a ton of money...which it's not like we're gonna win the lotto anytime soon. It's all just so frustrating.
And just when i think i'm finally done being reminded everyday that someone is pregnant....now i get to spend the next few weeks getting baby shower invites..double joy! and then when i'm done with that, all the babies will start being born.....seriously, at this point, i can't wait for 2010 to be over....
So, i find it interesting when celebs come out and talk about their fertility struggles, like Gulianna and Bill from the E network and them going through IVF and such.... and i've read about Celine Dion before as well - and she just went through her 4th failed IVF attempt a few months ago and i guess will be trying IVF #5 soon.
A friend of mine told me about this song she wrote that is about her struggle to get pregnant.....it's a very BEAUTIFUL song...here are the lyrics and i highly recommend listening to it on youtube - it's called A NEW DAY HAS COME
A new day has...come
I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you
Hush, love
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come
Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy
Hush, love
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come
A new day has...come
Ohhh, a light... OOh
Sunday, April 11, 2010
it's been awhile.....
Soooo....it's been awhile...
I've been in a really strange place for the month of March.....angry, frustrated...i think i cried everyday.... Fertility issues cause a lot of other issues......issues that trickle down into a marriage, relationships with others and yourself.
I don't know what it was about March....but i haven't felt the way i did since December 2008/early 2009 when we were first told that 'we'd never have kids.'
In March - i don't know if it was that i just want a healthy baby so badly and i want to feel a baby growing inside my body or if it was that it seemed like every 2 days someone else was announcing that they were pregnant and it was a constant reminder of what my body can not do or what - but March kicked my butt big time.
Poppa monkey and I didn't get a long much this past month.....mainly cuz of the place i was at...i just apologized over and over to him, i told him i don't know what was up with me....that i'm so angry.... it was like on one hand i just want to throw in the towel..i give up...we're not going to be parents..i get it..... and on the other hand...i will do whatever it takes, i will keep fighting until i can't fight anymore.
*sigh*
Our Spirit Baby consultation (where our future child hopefully will communicate with us) will be Thursday....i'm sooo looking forward to it.....
i know our baby is coming soon..i feel it.
A few weeks ago i dreamt of our baby...i know it was our baby because it had my birthmark....i've never dreamt of my baby before....i've dreamt of friends babies, and other babies b4, none like this where i knew 100% that the baby in my dream was mine.
Poppa monkey has also been dreaming of babies....he's dreamt of having a daughter, a few times... (i've had 3 psychics tell me that i'm going to have girls)
At my last acupuncture, i was feeling better and all the way home all that was on the radio was baby stuff...it was crazy!! That song by Brad Paisley - one of the lines is - 'i can see you with a baby on the way' - yeah, that was the verse of that song that just happened to be playing when i turned on the radio and then i flipped to another channel and it was a commercial about pregnancy tests and then i flipped to another station about some couple going to some fertility clinic and then i flipped to another station and it was another song about having a baby girl ....it was insane....but i know the universe is speaking to me, our 'spirit baby' is speaking to us.....
I had dinner with an old friend from childhood, our paths would cross now and again and we recently have reconnected since we're both going through similar things, male factor fertility issues. It's crazy, cuz she makes me feel like i'm normal, she's had similar thoughts, feelings, emotions....and it's like we've flipped places...shes was always in that very emotional, crying all the time stage and i was strong and going with the flow..and now i'm so emotional about it and she's the strong one. I worry though what's going to happen when one of gets pregnant before the other. I've learned in other friendships where there is fertility issues, that they 'forget' us, those who continue to suffer in silence.....which i don't blame them or anything and i guess i understand, but just because you're expecting doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore and espeically since they were also going through fertilty issues....they should know that more then anything. I know with this friend, if i got pregnant first, her lack of enthusiasm and tears would be nothing personal, but i would understand the place she's at. And i know if she got pregnant first, i would be happy for her, but i can't say that i wouldn't cry all the way home...not jealous tears, not pity tears....tears to God....tears for all the women out there who struggle everyday to get pregnant, tears for those who have lost their babies and tears to cleanse the soul....
I've been in a really strange place for the month of March.....angry, frustrated...i think i cried everyday.... Fertility issues cause a lot of other issues......issues that trickle down into a marriage, relationships with others and yourself.
I don't know what it was about March....but i haven't felt the way i did since December 2008/early 2009 when we were first told that 'we'd never have kids.'
In March - i don't know if it was that i just want a healthy baby so badly and i want to feel a baby growing inside my body or if it was that it seemed like every 2 days someone else was announcing that they were pregnant and it was a constant reminder of what my body can not do or what - but March kicked my butt big time.
Poppa monkey and I didn't get a long much this past month.....mainly cuz of the place i was at...i just apologized over and over to him, i told him i don't know what was up with me....that i'm so angry.... it was like on one hand i just want to throw in the towel..i give up...we're not going to be parents..i get it..... and on the other hand...i will do whatever it takes, i will keep fighting until i can't fight anymore.
*sigh*
Our Spirit Baby consultation (where our future child hopefully will communicate with us) will be Thursday....i'm sooo looking forward to it.....
i know our baby is coming soon..i feel it.
A few weeks ago i dreamt of our baby...i know it was our baby because it had my birthmark....i've never dreamt of my baby before....i've dreamt of friends babies, and other babies b4, none like this where i knew 100% that the baby in my dream was mine.
Poppa monkey has also been dreaming of babies....he's dreamt of having a daughter, a few times... (i've had 3 psychics tell me that i'm going to have girls)
At my last acupuncture, i was feeling better and all the way home all that was on the radio was baby stuff...it was crazy!! That song by Brad Paisley - one of the lines is - 'i can see you with a baby on the way' - yeah, that was the verse of that song that just happened to be playing when i turned on the radio and then i flipped to another channel and it was a commercial about pregnancy tests and then i flipped to another station about some couple going to some fertility clinic and then i flipped to another station and it was another song about having a baby girl ....it was insane....but i know the universe is speaking to me, our 'spirit baby' is speaking to us.....
I had dinner with an old friend from childhood, our paths would cross now and again and we recently have reconnected since we're both going through similar things, male factor fertility issues. It's crazy, cuz she makes me feel like i'm normal, she's had similar thoughts, feelings, emotions....and it's like we've flipped places...shes was always in that very emotional, crying all the time stage and i was strong and going with the flow..and now i'm so emotional about it and she's the strong one. I worry though what's going to happen when one of gets pregnant before the other. I've learned in other friendships where there is fertility issues, that they 'forget' us, those who continue to suffer in silence.....which i don't blame them or anything and i guess i understand, but just because you're expecting doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore and espeically since they were also going through fertilty issues....they should know that more then anything. I know with this friend, if i got pregnant first, her lack of enthusiasm and tears would be nothing personal, but i would understand the place she's at. And i know if she got pregnant first, i would be happy for her, but i can't say that i wouldn't cry all the way home...not jealous tears, not pity tears....tears to God....tears for all the women out there who struggle everyday to get pregnant, tears for those who have lost their babies and tears to cleanse the soul....
Thursday, March 25, 2010
thoughts...
and they're angry thoughts. I don't know why i'm so angry..well, actually i guess i kinda do.....i dunno....i don't know if it's 2.5 years worth of hoping every month....if it's frustration....i mean, are we trying to have a child every month, knowing that the odds are stacked so much against us and yet, every month we try...why? Why are we trying so hard to have a baby? It just shouldn't be this hard.
Another person i know is expecting....which is fabulous, but seriously....i know 14 people right now expecting a baby....1 just had her baby about a week ago....i can't take it anymore.....i feel like i have cried so much this month...i feel like i continue to get my heart stabbed OVER AND OVER and OVER again!!!!! Rub it in my face a little more universe....i mean, really, lets keep on shoving it in my face...every week why don't u just remind me of what i can't do....get pregnant, have a child....LAME...yup, that's what i think about it.
This sucks.
Another person i know is expecting....which is fabulous, but seriously....i know 14 people right now expecting a baby....1 just had her baby about a week ago....i can't take it anymore.....i feel like i have cried so much this month...i feel like i continue to get my heart stabbed OVER AND OVER and OVER again!!!!! Rub it in my face a little more universe....i mean, really, lets keep on shoving it in my face...every week why don't u just remind me of what i can't do....get pregnant, have a child....LAME...yup, that's what i think about it.
This sucks.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
wow...
so this is what it feels like to have a 'normal' period. Yup, although AF showed her ugly face this evening....i have had ZERO cramps. The symptoms this month: i was a little sweaty and hot on and off all day today and last night. Also, late last week ....i chalked it up to maybe having caught a little bug...but nope, now i'm thinking it was just AF getting ready to come. I was also SUPER hungry today.....another symptom i haven't seen in years..... and then of course the emotional tears this month....otherwise....no cravings for chocolate, no PMS, no irritability(poppa monkey is happy about the last two i'm sure)!! I have been kinda gassy and bloated, but that can also be from the cleanse i'm still doing.
Man, i don't remember the last time i actually didn't have cramps when i got my period.....i think maybe in High school.....cuz i do remember being hot right b4 i would get my period back then...but it's been many, many, years.....so yeah!!
Needless to say....this is all totally acupuncture. Sunshine has been saying all along.....'we've gotta get rid of those cramps'....and now we have. Sunshine explained that although cramps are common, they are not normal.... I love acupuncture!! So, now that my periods are getting a little bit back to 'normal'.....let's hope a baby is next!! :)
Man, i don't remember the last time i actually didn't have cramps when i got my period.....i think maybe in High school.....cuz i do remember being hot right b4 i would get my period back then...but it's been many, many, years.....so yeah!!
Needless to say....this is all totally acupuncture. Sunshine has been saying all along.....'we've gotta get rid of those cramps'....and now we have. Sunshine explained that although cramps are common, they are not normal.... I love acupuncture!! So, now that my periods are getting a little bit back to 'normal'.....let's hope a baby is next!! :)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Been one of those days....
Well, i guess this month is the emotional month....just waiting for AF to show her face....which would explain the emotions...but seriously....it's been bad this month.... i was watching American Idol last night and Kara was crying after Micheal rocked the house and guess who else started to cry...yup..me.
I was doing something else the other day and i started to cry and i'm like seriously? why am i even crying? So, you know it's bad when you start asking yourself why you're crying.
I think i'm feeling a little over whelmed....18 beautiful and blessed mommas are around me....4 have had their little monkey's in the last 2 months.....i just can't believe it.....usually it's like 1-3 ppl you know that are expecting....but naw, apparently i like to 'go big or go home.' LOL. I'm so incredibly happy for these ladies....i just hope someday i will join them in the ranks of motherhood....i hope someday i get to have my own beautiful baby bump........
Our annv. is in March and it's crazy to think this is the 3rd annv. that i'd hope that i'd get a BFP on our annv. instead of my period.....March 2008, i was still so hopeful 3.5 months in to TTC and i thought..this is the month......and March 2009...a little less hopeful, but still wanting more then anything a BFP, at least AF was nice about it and was 2 days late...so we could 'celebrate' our annv.... and now here we are in March 2010....more hopeless then hopeful, but still hoping....
I got a psychic reading done over last summer and she said in the next 6 months(March being the 6th month) i was going to get pregnant....She also said i was going to have 2 girls...and either they were twins or they would be very close in age...like Irish Twins and then she mentioned our fertility struggles... i swear i didn't say one word about it.....so we'll see. Someone else gave me a reading and said i'd either conceive, or get a BFP in Oct,Nov, Dec 2009 or Jan, Feb March 2010.....soooo....who knows......
This has just been on my mind so much lately....the Universe is just testing me big time and it's getting harder and harder....this month has been super hard.....and i just don't know why.....it's just if i had a crystal ball.....if i knew that i'd get pregnant and have a healthy baby in a year or 2 or 3...then i'd be okay...cuz i know it'd happen. But the unknown, it's scary....i have NO control over it..... the only control i have is how i'm going to react, how i'm going to be pro-active.....
I read a quote somewhere saying....'infertility doesn't make me weak, it makes me stronger'......soooo sooo true....
I was doing something else the other day and i started to cry and i'm like seriously? why am i even crying? So, you know it's bad when you start asking yourself why you're crying.
I think i'm feeling a little over whelmed....18 beautiful and blessed mommas are around me....4 have had their little monkey's in the last 2 months.....i just can't believe it.....usually it's like 1-3 ppl you know that are expecting....but naw, apparently i like to 'go big or go home.' LOL. I'm so incredibly happy for these ladies....i just hope someday i will join them in the ranks of motherhood....i hope someday i get to have my own beautiful baby bump........
Our annv. is in March and it's crazy to think this is the 3rd annv. that i'd hope that i'd get a BFP on our annv. instead of my period.....March 2008, i was still so hopeful 3.5 months in to TTC and i thought..this is the month......and March 2009...a little less hopeful, but still wanting more then anything a BFP, at least AF was nice about it and was 2 days late...so we could 'celebrate' our annv.... and now here we are in March 2010....more hopeless then hopeful, but still hoping....
I got a psychic reading done over last summer and she said in the next 6 months(March being the 6th month) i was going to get pregnant....She also said i was going to have 2 girls...and either they were twins or they would be very close in age...like Irish Twins and then she mentioned our fertility struggles... i swear i didn't say one word about it.....so we'll see. Someone else gave me a reading and said i'd either conceive, or get a BFP in Oct,Nov, Dec 2009 or Jan, Feb March 2010.....soooo....who knows......
This has just been on my mind so much lately....the Universe is just testing me big time and it's getting harder and harder....this month has been super hard.....and i just don't know why.....it's just if i had a crystal ball.....if i knew that i'd get pregnant and have a healthy baby in a year or 2 or 3...then i'd be okay...cuz i know it'd happen. But the unknown, it's scary....i have NO control over it..... the only control i have is how i'm going to react, how i'm going to be pro-active.....
I read a quote somewhere saying....'infertility doesn't make me weak, it makes me stronger'......soooo sooo true....
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
not such a wordless Wednesday....
So, i had acupuncture Tuesday and got new ear tacs...i truly do enjoy them.....
I have been feeling quite the anxiety these past two weeks, work has been super busy, we've had some pretty horrendous crimes going on, although we've also had successful arrests and charges, so that is always a rainbow in the dark clouds...
I'm still doing a biggest loser program and i'm beyond frustrated with it....i either gain .3lbs or loose .6lbs...like really, come on....who freakn' doesn't loose more then .6lbs!?!?!?!?! So i'm starting a 21 day cleanse.....we'll see how that goes.
I'm reading this book that Sunshine and Dr gave us, Spirit Babies, it's good, it's just causing me more frustration. Basically we all have auras and greenish/teal are children ....or spirit babies. So basically where i'm at in this book is that pretty much no matter what we do if spirit baby isn't happy, it's not going to come.... So now much of our conversations are....
"spirit baby would not like you to play your video games all day long and swear at the tv."
"our spirit baby would really like mommy to take a nap with daddy."
"i really don't think our spirit baby wants mommy to clean the house today."
LOL
Anyways, we're scheduling our 'spirit baby' consultation with Sunshine who is also a clairvoyant....and that way i can stop going crazy thinking about what 'spirit baby' wants/needs/dislikes and we can have spirit baby 'talk' to us.... i know, it sounds really crazy and weird...but sometimes when you're in our boat...you'll pretty much try anything at least once.... Of course i'll have a post on this later...
I'm feeling much more relaxed now that i've had my acupuncture, the oils that they used today that i really loved the smell were 'peace and joy' and 'courage'.... i seem to normally have 'peace and joy' but once and 'courage' is a new one....i must be feeling pretty courageous about something...maybe it's my new re-motivation i'm feeling with my workout program...who knows. All i know is....i LOVE acupuncture, i would do this every week if i could afford it....... Oh and i got herbs tonight...powder that i have to put in warm water...GAG!!! I think i'll be making these into shots and chasing with juice or something .....man, with all the herbs and spirit baby talk....i really hope we concieve this year and bring home a healthy and happy baby...
And also, I'm starting a 21 day cleanse..i'll let you all know how it goes (do i even have any readers?) Today is day one and so far, so good.....unlike my puppy's tummy that is making all sorts of noises!! But tonight at acupuncture they told me not to try to get pregnant this month since i'm doing the cleanse, so no worries this month...i mean, it's kinda gonna be like every other month...so i don't think we have to worry to much about it...i'm off to google if it's horrible for a baby...'just in case'. I'm hoping this will help me shed actual poundage and fix some stomach issues i've had the last few years, and maybe help us concieve too...Did ya know they can actually turn you away from IVF if you're 'over weight'....yeah, so i better got on that...'just in case' Sunshine asked if i've been losing weight....how lovely of her to comment on my .6 lb weight loss. :P
Here's a little something that i read often.....it's one of my favorite little stories that i have come across and when i run into friends that are having issues getting pregnant, i always share this with them.....so, now i share with you...
Different Trips to the Same Place
Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You’ve heard it’s a wonderful place. You’ve read many guidebooks and feel certain you’re ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you’ll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait-and wait- and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, “Relax. You’ll get on a flight soon.” Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, “It’s not fair”.
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, “I’m sorry, we’re not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat.”
“By Boat!” you say, “Going by boat will take a very long time and costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane.” So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite that you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, “Oh be glad you didn’t fly. My flight was horrible, traveling by sea is so easy.”
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.-Author Unknown
I have been feeling quite the anxiety these past two weeks, work has been super busy, we've had some pretty horrendous crimes going on, although we've also had successful arrests and charges, so that is always a rainbow in the dark clouds...
I'm still doing a biggest loser program and i'm beyond frustrated with it....i either gain .3lbs or loose .6lbs...like really, come on....who freakn' doesn't loose more then .6lbs!?!?!?!?! So i'm starting a 21 day cleanse.....we'll see how that goes.
I'm reading this book that Sunshine and Dr gave us, Spirit Babies, it's good, it's just causing me more frustration. Basically we all have auras and greenish/teal are children ....or spirit babies. So basically where i'm at in this book is that pretty much no matter what we do if spirit baby isn't happy, it's not going to come.... So now much of our conversations are....
"spirit baby would not like you to play your video games all day long and swear at the tv."
"our spirit baby would really like mommy to take a nap with daddy."
"i really don't think our spirit baby wants mommy to clean the house today."
LOL
Anyways, we're scheduling our 'spirit baby' consultation with Sunshine who is also a clairvoyant....and that way i can stop going crazy thinking about what 'spirit baby' wants/needs/dislikes and we can have spirit baby 'talk' to us.... i know, it sounds really crazy and weird...but sometimes when you're in our boat...you'll pretty much try anything at least once.... Of course i'll have a post on this later...
I'm feeling much more relaxed now that i've had my acupuncture, the oils that they used today that i really loved the smell were 'peace and joy' and 'courage'.... i seem to normally have 'peace and joy' but once and 'courage' is a new one....i must be feeling pretty courageous about something...maybe it's my new re-motivation i'm feeling with my workout program...who knows. All i know is....i LOVE acupuncture, i would do this every week if i could afford it....... Oh and i got herbs tonight...powder that i have to put in warm water...GAG!!! I think i'll be making these into shots and chasing with juice or something .....man, with all the herbs and spirit baby talk....i really hope we concieve this year and bring home a healthy and happy baby...
And also, I'm starting a 21 day cleanse..i'll let you all know how it goes (do i even have any readers?) Today is day one and so far, so good.....unlike my puppy's tummy that is making all sorts of noises!! But tonight at acupuncture they told me not to try to get pregnant this month since i'm doing the cleanse, so no worries this month...i mean, it's kinda gonna be like every other month...so i don't think we have to worry to much about it...i'm off to google if it's horrible for a baby...'just in case'. I'm hoping this will help me shed actual poundage and fix some stomach issues i've had the last few years, and maybe help us concieve too...Did ya know they can actually turn you away from IVF if you're 'over weight'....yeah, so i better got on that...'just in case' Sunshine asked if i've been losing weight....how lovely of her to comment on my .6 lb weight loss. :P
Here's a little something that i read often.....it's one of my favorite little stories that i have come across and when i run into friends that are having issues getting pregnant, i always share this with them.....so, now i share with you...
Different Trips to the Same Place
Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You’ve heard it’s a wonderful place. You’ve read many guidebooks and feel certain you’re ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you’ll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait-and wait- and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, “Relax. You’ll get on a flight soon.” Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, “It’s not fair”.
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, “I’m sorry, we’re not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat.”
“By Boat!” you say, “Going by boat will take a very long time and costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane.” So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite that you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, “Oh be glad you didn’t fly. My flight was horrible, traveling by sea is so easy.”
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.-Author Unknown
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