Hurricane Katrina.. 5 yrs later.

I remember watching in devastation the damage and destruction that Hurricane Katrina's wrath did on the people of New Orleans and South...... It's a shame that 5 years later people are still trying to rebuild their families home.....the home that their grandparents grew up in and their parents, themselves and now their kids.... how can we continue to allow this to be going on....why isn't their more help down there, why are people continuing to have to live and pay in a temp home and still pay on their damaged home that is still getting repaired? What a shame.....

I remember crying for all the animals down South too, all the dogs and cats that were left behind ....watching video of rescues and just dogs so happy to be finally found and fed.

Our baby Clover, is a Hurricane Katrina rescue. She was found in the 2nd batch of rescue animals, which means she was found wandering the streets at the end of Sept/early October 2005...she was only a year old. It was my bday weekend Nov. 19th, a sunday and we went to the mall (Macy's a i believe) where they had rescue dogs for adoption.....we went to 'look'...and we came home with Clover. All the puppies had been adopted and there was Clover, who was laying down minding her own business or a hyper black lab who was pulling a guy all over the place....yah, after much thought and consideration.... watching a girl jump on Clover's back and pinch her and Clover just sat there.....and hearing a little girl wanting to pet Clover and her mom saying, 'no hunnie, those are 'bad' dogs.'..... Clover was meant to be ours.

Clover is a pittie mix, as in pit bull. Yah, those baby eating, turn on their owners, meanest dog breed you'll ever know pit bull. Did you know that during the Wars these dogs were the mascot? That a pit bull was one of the 1st decorated war dog? Did you know that pit bulls are actually GREAT family pets? They are loyal and quiet and want nothing more then to be loved? I realize that this breed is in the news, however, the media stigma behind the breed fails to educate people on the true disposition of the dogs..... most those dogs that attack, guess who their owners are...drug dealers, gang members, people who use this breed, to train it to be mean.......this breed is also one of the most abused.....Micheal Vick is a fine example of some of the horror these dogs go through.....watch animal cops on Animal planet and you'll see much more of the gruesome things that happen to these dogs.

It breaks my heart that Clover is judged everyday by people who allow fear and a closed mind from allowing them to get to know her. If you're lucky enough to know Clover, you know that she is super excited to see people, you can leave the room and then reappear 5 mins later and she'll greet you again like she hadn't seen you in 5 years......she wants nothing more then to be loved and a belly rub and if you happen to have a treat, she'll cover you with slobbery kisses for that too.

Clover came to us with broken teeth (most likely trying to chew through metal, or a cage to get out when the Hurricane came through), she had some missing hair on her legs (looked almost like cigarette burns) she was shaky in her confidence .....but, it didn't take her long to realize she didn't have to hid in the bushes or under cars when we went for walks during windy days.... that the rain won't hurt her and that her 'mommy' and 'daddy' will always come home...... She is wonderful and every time Hurricane Katrina annv. comes around....i am reminded of how far she has come and am so grateful she survived and was rescued and now forever will leave her pawprints on our hearts.

there's no turning back now....

Not that there was any turning back when i started the Lupron.....now that i started my stimming meds....there really is no turning back!!!

So, hubby and i went on a mini vaca up north for his bday...which then also turned into the last vaca as non-parents to humans (we have a dog that is our baby)
We made comments like..."wow, so, this time next year we might actually have two babies waking us up at 6am wanting to feed and get a change of a diaper instead of us just randomly waking up to catch a sunrise on the Lake" "just think, the next time we come up here, i might be with child or children" "are you ready for our lives to be totally changed?" "Mom, do twins need double of everything...like two cribs? two bouncy chairs? two highchairs? two strollers? two pack n plays? two diaper bags?" Anyways, all my readers are hopefully are not only going to be on the journey to parenthood, but then will also follow us through parenthood.....

So, if you didn't catch it in the 1st sentence.....i started stimming!!! So, as i wrote on friday, everything was good to go....well, Saturday AF showed up....yah, can i just say that the 'Lupron period' is strange.....

TMI WARNING.....

it's like kinda light, but kinda not...like i can wear a tampon but then i take it out and i'm like okay, decent flow....so i put a pad on at night (tampons, the regular ones, give me headaches after about 4 hrs, so i wear pads when i don't have to wear a tampon) and i never leaked onto the pad, but then wiped and i had this like slimy blood clot snot thingy...and it smells like metal...like iron...like if you've ever tasted blood, like when you've bitten ur lip or tongue....that's what it smells like...and i have that same taste in my mouth.....ew. The taste in my mouth is from the meds...so i'm assuming that's why my period smells like it too.....anyways, it's actually decent....my period, no cramps, and not enough blood for anything but a panty liner at this point...it's like all the blood comes when i wipe.....

Ok, enough TMI....

Tonight, i added Menapur and Follistim to now 5ml Lupron...i was taking 10ml Lupron.

Menapur and Follistim will stimulate my ovaries to produce eggs....lots of them....i have about 18 follies that can turn into eggs if i'm understanding this correctly.....doesn't mean i'll have 18 eggs...it just means the opportunity is there. I was told that Menapur burns...no, it does not....but the follistim sure does. I have this pen with that one, i was going to put it into my leg, i'm glad i didn't...but i'm not sure where else i can poke my gut.....not to mention the band aids that are starting to leave pink little circles where they were.....so at least i know where i had poked the other day....

Side effects are like having menopause....this should be fun...and bloat.....nice, hot and bloaty....awesome!!! Go back to the Dr. on Wednesday for more blood and another ultrasound....joy.

i think she broke my vein....

yah, the nurse lady that i have never had, the young looking nurse lady that is probably fresh out of school.....yah, i get the lady who i'm not sure she knew what she was doing.....so, i'm like great....um, just so you know...and i go into my mini speech about my aversions to needles and my body's response to either cry or pass out....but, the last 2 times i've been great. So, i'm thinking to myself...keep the arm straight....really straight, cuz that's what the one nurse who rocked at taking my blood told me last month.....um, i don't know what kind of needle this youngn' used, but i about screamed from the pain!!! it hurt SO BAD.....in my head, i was like omg, that kinda hurt....um...okay,i'm okay, it's okay...so i started humming and moving my feet a little cuz it was hurting and then i focused on the candy jar and started to say each candy and what i thought about it in my head so i wasn't thinking about the needle that was jabbing my arm and ripping apart my vein.... Well, it's now been about an 1 1/2 hrs since my blood was taken out and my vein kinda hurts....even doing this typing is kinda making my arm hurt....i think she broke my vein...lol The good news is i did not cry nor did i pass out....always a plus..... i think by the time all this is said and done, my needle phobia will be long gone....but not if this youngn' nurse keeps poking me..... i'm actually kinda nervous about coming back on wednesday and getting poked by her.... would it be totally rude to ask for another nurse to do my blood draws? i want to move forward, not backwards...forward!

Ultrasound: went perfectly...my body rocks by the way...i really should appreciate it more and really love it how it should be loved..... My lining was good, my ovaries are great and i'm just awesome. :) I was told i may or may not get a period and that i can start stims with or without it....so, that's good. I will get a call later today telling me my E2 level (estrogen) and from there hopefully directions on when and how to start my stimming meds.... then i go in on 9/1, blood work and ultrasound and then blood work and ultrasound like every other day til trigger time.....which looks to be a few days til i trigger. So, prayers of no hyperstimmulation (that is not good) and that my body continues to be awesome!!!

hit me with your best shot.....

that's the song i listen to when i'm doing my lupron shot..... lol.

So, yesterday was a bad day......i started not feeling well Tuesday and by Wednesday morning, i was crying waking up, i cried on the way to work, i cried at work in the bathroom telling myself to 'suck it up', i left around noon, cuz something clearly was off.....i cried on the way home, i cried at home.....i honestly think i was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I was running a 100.2 fever, not to high, but high enough....i ate some soup, took a Tylenol, laid in bed and actually fell asleep for about an hour (i don't do naps).....woke up and my temp was down to 98.1.... i felt 1000 times better and i think my body just needed to recharge quickly...... i stopped the BCP on monday and i think the Lupron had started to make an impact and i think since i was so nervous about the shots the week b4 and i was just go go go .....my body needed a break. Today, i feel sooooo much better and lesson learned that i need to take it easy....i can't do everything.....the dishes can be washed tomorrow, the laundry can wait til the weekend....perhaps it was a good lesson that i'm gonna just need to slow down and really listen to my body.

Soooo, i got the rest of my meds...the $3,000 and some change meds....yah..but the good news is i did get some donated meds and i just scored another 9 vials of menapur and luckily right before my order went out...soooo i get about $600 and change refund....whoo hoooo!!!! I just unpacked it all and double checked it and then i just emailed my nurse to make sure i have everything i need. I"ll take a picture of it later and hopefully post it soon here. There's a lot. I even have a handy dandy little pen...it looks scary, until i read the directions and then i thought, hmmm, that's not TOOO bad. did i mention i'm tired of being a pin cushion...speaking of which....lupron is calling my name....it's time to do my shot and put on the PJ's.....

blahish

so, maybe it's a symptom of the lupron...who knows....but today i'm super tired, like i could fall asleep right now in a second, tired.....and i'm feeling like i could cry at any second......i'm kinda feeling blah-ish... i dunno what my deal is.... i just want this so badly to work.....i'm so afraid it's not going to.... and it's not like i sit here and dwell on the neg or anything....it's just i'm still afraid it's not going to work....i don't know how i can deal with that heartache. I don't know...... emotionally i just don't think i could handle it. I just want sept to be here and me to my trigger shot already......i'm kinda over these shots....i'm over being a pin cushion....i'm just tired. i could really, really use a little cat nap right about now.....

wow!!

So, i looked at twin belly pics....and the first time i did this i was shocked at how HUGE the bellies can get...i'm like, how in the WORLD does one carry that belly around? How are they not falling over... anyways....since i'm in this "downtime" - where i'm not really doing anything but waiting...... i looked at pics again....
i'm glad i did, cuz there were some cute bellies.....and the HUGE ones were like 35+ weeks, which also made me feel better that there were a lot of ppl past 35 weeks....and granted their bellies were HUGE, at least i'd know that would be towards the end. Some where hardly showing at 15 weeks or they had these cute little baby bumps.

So, i am done with the BCP as of yesterday...so i should expect a 'bleed' sometime in the next 3-6 days which means my body will probably wait 2 weeks just cuz it can.... i have a ultrasound and b/w on Friday and that's when i will know if i should begin my stimming meds....to make those eggos!!!! :)

i'm ready to be done with this process.... i just want to be at the egg retrieval and transfer part, i want to be getting my beta, which will hopefully be positive, i would love to have a healthy pregnancy and healthy delivery and baby(ies)
I just want this so badly, i just hope it goes perfectly.....ya know.

patience, young grasshopper....patience.....

Day 3 - Lupron and other ramblings....

So, tonight was lucky shot #3........no problems. No side effect yet...i don't think. I do have a slight headache that's just kinda in the background, but i'd have that since a few days after taking BCP....i do notice that since taking the Lupron, i get kinda a pain in my shoulder...don't know if it's related or not, but it's never a problem, but like i slept on it weird or something....i don't know how to explain it and it only lasts like 1 second...... maybe it was because i was kinda nervous and tense leading up to my first shot....and now the muscle has relaxed. I am feeling bloated....much more tonight then yesterday.....and i just read about a lady who gained a TON of weight on Lupron and hasn't lost it....G.R.E.A.T....not cool. Oh, i do have one side effect -dizziness...just here or there, basically if i move too fast...but it's nothing bad. So, i'm not suppose to be extreme working out cuz the endorphins mess with the drugs...but i walked in place and lifted weights for about 45mins while watching a Made for Lifetime movie about a couple in IN in 1993 who gave birth to the 1st sextuplets..... yeah..and then i had to give myself a shot and i'm like oh man....please, please, please no 6 babies.....i mean, obviously, i'll be more then happy....but 6 is pushing it just a little bit....LOL.

Anyways..i also found this on a forum i was 'lurking' on....
Lord, Give me Strength...

·To keep my cool when another period starts.

·To keep my chin up when a co-worker announces her pregnancy.

·To have a good relationship with my friend in spite of her ability to conceive easily and not be jealous of her.

·To endure my sister-in-law's comments about toilet training.

·To keep from crying when I see children begging on the roads.

·To forgive my doctor when he keeps me waiting for two hours for a consultation - and then can't remember my name.

·To make the right decision about treatment.

·To maintain a good relationship with my husband in spite of all this.

I bolded the ones that apply to me. Perhaps the others applied when we first began this infertility journey, but i am just so happy when ppl can get pregnant, that i'm not jealous, i'm not bitter..... i am truly happy for them....and i think it has to do with what we have been through that i don't want others to go through it if they don't have to....it's a hard road to walk along.

It's helpful to remember the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr. " God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Indeed, this creed i have recited numerous times along this road.....

Infertility is...

·Watching your husband playing with your friend's baby and wishing you could give him one of his own. (yah, i have done this when he plays with my niece and nephew or his cousin's kids.....but i hope that reality comes very soon)

·Telling nurses to please take blood from your right arm because the veins in your left arm are all gone because of all the IVs you've had. (haven't done this yet, but i've been warned it's coming once i start stimming)

·Avoiding people you haven't seen for a long time because you don't want to hear the question, "Do you have any kids yet?". (i wouldn't avoid, but i always wish i had a great comeback....i try very hard not to ask ppl this, just in case they too are struggling in silence)

·Feeling very left out when your friends start comparing their pregnancy or childbirth experiences. (yup, this has happened --i don't really mind it, cuz i can learn things, but sometimes it can be a bit much)

·Feeling like the whole town is pregnant except for you. (or the whole universe)

·Getting tired of people always expecting you to do things because "you don't have any kids to worry about". (unfort. this too has happened)

·Waking up in the middle of the night and wishing you could hear your baby crying. (yah, i beg to differ....i wouldn't mind a baby cooing)

·Wishing you could give your parents grandchildren. (YUP)

·Wanting to fall apart if one other person says, "Why don't you adopt?" or "just relax, it'll happen when you don't think about it." Easy, right? (oh yeah, i hated the old, 'just relax' song and dance...cuz then when i try to say i am relaxed then it looks like i'm really not....but i really am!! LOL)